Anyone ever used a life coach?

LegacyUser

So,here is my question. I have been thinking about this for a while,and just want to know people's experiences.
Basically,I am at a stage in my life where I don't know if anything I put my hand to will work out. I have this feeling of "this person had potential", but it was always unfulfilled, whether it be in work situation, sport, relationships.
The whole area of visualization would be something worthwhile, but I just cannot visualize the end goal or how it can be achieved. I know what to do, but I'm stuck!
I guess I haven't really had anything else in my life that was a success/box ticked, where I would think "ok, in that situation, you thought about the end goal and got there", now just apply it to this situation, and give it a crack.
I'm the type who runs a race and will finish 4th. I'll always be mid table. In relationships, I'll always take that 20 yard shot at goal in the last minute when I am 2-1 down, and miss, "but it's worth a shot".
So this mindset needs to change. I am involved in some things that could potentially be very worthwhile and successful, but I need to be able to clearly visualise the end point, to actually believe I can get there rather than shooting myself down along the way thinking "well, everything else you did was kind of ok, or you almost got there" but didn't.
For example, I would have my ideal partner in my head, but I feel that they are unattainable to me, that I would be punching above my weight to meet them, so they will always be out of my reach, even though this probably isn't true.
It's the same with work. I have been working for myself for the last year, and while I am making some money, I don't think I have the talent or know-how to make something of it.
Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. But I am of the "expect the worst and hope for the best" mindset.
It was suggested maybe I see a life coach to see if I can get the rudder going properly again. In theory I am very open to this idea, but just wondering what people's experiences are in this area?

gerryk

I have not used a life-coach, but I have known one.
She used to continually make sweeping statements about how my life could be improved and how I should 'take control of my destiny'. Thing is, I was totally happy with my life at the time and was in perfect control of my situation. The 'shortcomings' she saw weren't anything to do with me, but more likely general statements of what can be done to improve one's lot.
In short, ensure that if you choose a life-coach, that they listen to you and give advice that is relevant to you and your situation and aspirations rather that trotting out quotations from the self-help book of the month.

JonBon27

Check a guy out calle Vincent Byrne, google it and you'll find him. Amazing man! being to a few of his talks and has helped some people out that needed it. One of the most down to earth people you'll ever meet and any problems he'll help you out. Give him a call and just have a chant and see what he says, no harm and he always has time for people.

mikemac1

Went to a Tony Robbins seminar in Rome

Shocking expensive, about nine hundred euro for four days.
But some days are about fourteen hours long so I suppose on an hourly rate it's not so mad
Tbh, while it was worth going to everything there could be learned from a program you can buy cheap off ebay. He's been using the same material for over two decades

OP, there is a motivation and self development forum on boards. A good crew in there and lots of discussions and interesting threads.
Maybe ask to join

LegacyUser

Thanks all! First stop will be the motivation forum for sure...

It's the "take control of your destiny" thing that I have a problem with. There is a certain amount of truth in it, as if I sit around and think "well, it's not going to happen", then it more than likely won't!
But, not everything is going to work out, or happen as I want it to. Other things that happened in my life have proven this, so what makes me think it's going to be any different for other areas, but even what I am involved in, I am thinking "am I any good?", "am I just destined to be mediocre at it"....

boobar

mikemac1 wrote: »

Went to a Tony Robbins seminar in Rome

Shocking expensive, about nine hundred euro for four days.
But some days are about fourteen hours long so I suppose on an hourly rate it's not so mad
Tbh, while it was worth going to everything there could be learned from a program you can buy cheap off ebay. He's been using the same material for over two decades

OP, there is a motivation and self development forum on boards. A good crew in there and lots of discussions and interesting threads.
Maybe ask to join

Where exactly is this forum on boards? I can't seem to find it anywhere.

LegacyUser

could not find it either......

LegacyUser

i have been looking for this and cant find it either???

mikemac1

It's a good question and that's my fault for not giving any info

It's a private forum and you need to private message the mod

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/member.php?u=60810

He'll sort ya out

Good crew in there and lots of support and debate and interesting chats

ando

I used one a few yrs ago. Waist of time and money if u ask me. Never would recommend them to anyone

LegacyUser

I have to agree with Ando.
I visited one about 3 years ago. Was trying to work on some stuff and didn't feel councelling was the right place for me so decided to give this a go.

Complete waste of money. I could write a book on it but really the whole thing is very hokey. They tried NLP and hypnosis on me, very laughable.

Did not listen or were not interested in working through the issues I wanted to discuss but rather, were more interested in sticking to their script and saying "we'll get to that next time, oh, times up, 200euro please...."

Also, you can sum up everything they say in that any problems or issues you perceive to have are all in your mind as "limiting beliefs". So if you were to visit a life coach hobbling in shouting "A Shark just ate one of my leg!"... while the normal advice may be to visit a hospital immediately... a life coach will get you to visualise yourself at a time you had both legs and try to convince you that having 1 leg is a limiting belief and you will once again have 2 legs if you truely believe it.

I was also given a rock to carry in my pocket to rub any time I felt down, as they had now "grounded" the rock to feeling good. Seriously? I could save 200euro a week and get a nicer looking rock down the beach.

I'm not a fan of hokey things or believing in the universe or "lets all be positive and everything will land in my lap with no effort" so I couldn't really go along with it.

jeuneloup

Interesting.
I found a Life Coach at the start of this year and it really did the job for me. Really. She was great.
I suppose it was a question of my attitude . I went there not expecting anything. It is worth mentioning that I had no past problems to talk about. Nothing. I just wanted to kinda see where to go next with my life I guess.
The coach I met was great. She didn’t charge 200 per session !!! That was the first good thing.
And before we even started she didn’t force me to pay her and come to her sessions. We had our first meeting for free just to talk and see if I like her style of coaching. I did. Maybe your coach was not the right person for you to work with. The best thing I can advise here is to ask your coach for this initial meeting and make sure that you are happy with that person. I was and I would recommend her to anyone interested, seriously.

LegacyUser

beentherebefore wrote: »

I have to agree with Ando.
I visited one about 3 years ago. Was trying to work on some stuff and didn't feel councelling was the right place for me so decided to give this a go.

Complete waste of money. I could write a book on it but really the whole thing is very hokey. They tried NLP and hypnosis on me, very laughable.

Did not listen or were not interested in working through the issues I wanted to discuss but rather, were more interested in sticking to their script and saying "we'll get to that next time, oh, times up, 200euro please...."

Also, you can sum up everything they say in that any problems or issues you perceive to have are all in your mind as "limiting beliefs". So if you were to visit a life coach hobbling in shouting "A Shark just ate one of my leg!"... while the normal advice may be to visit a hospital immediately... a life coach will get you to visualise yourself at a time you had both legs and try to convince you that having 1 leg is a limiting belief and you will once again have 2 legs if you truely believe it.

I was also given a rock to carry in my pocket to rub any time I felt down, as they had now "grounded" the rock to feeling good. Seriously? I could save 200euro a week and get a nicer looking rock down the beach.

I'm not a fan of hokey things or believing in the universe or "lets all be positive and everything will land in my lap with no effort" so I couldn't really go along with it.

well, if that's the attitude you had before you approached it, you were never going to stand a chance........

kind of like going on a first date with the attitude that "all women are b*tches"....

gerryk

lcq wrote: »

well, if that's the attitude you had before you approached it, you were never going to stand a chance........

kind of like going on a first date with the attitude that "all women are b*tches"....

I didn't get that at all. It seems that beentherebefore's POV is based on an experience rather than preconceptions. I could be wrong, but that's how it read for me.

LegacyUser

lcq wrote: »

well, if that's the attitude you had before you approached it, you were never going to stand a chance........

kind of like going on a first date with the attitude that "all women are b*tches"....

That wasn't my attitude going in at all. To be honest I was given a lot of good reviews on the whole thing and went in expecting good things.

I continued to see the person for around 2 months, once a week as initiallly I bought into the whole idea that I need to go along with what they were doing in order to reach where I wanted to be. However after several weeks I did mention to them that I felt we were just going down the route they wanted and I asked how this would help with the things I wanted to focus on but was re-assured we'd get to that "next time" continually.

After 2 months, it had cost a lot of money and I felt every time I tried to lead the session to where I wanted to go, I was sidelined.

I know the idea of hypnosis, nlp and positive thinking works for some people but personally I don't find it helpful to be "hypnotised" when I'm lying on a couch just listening to silly chants and passages being read to me.

To be honest, I do believe in positive thought and getting rid of "limiting beliefs"...
i.e. If I feel I can't learn a new skill... I need to get that idea out of my head as it I feel positive about it, chances are I will be in a better frame of mind to get it done.
However in other cases they are things which are real life issues which aren't "just" limiting beliefs (e.g. the analogy I used of a physical problem being a limiting belief and not an actual physical or real life problem) and everything can't be classified as such.

Sorry if I offended anyone. In my younger years I remember reading some PUA stuff which employs a lot of the same techniques and it really isn't healthy as it makes people paper over physical solutions to problems and instead keep telling themselves "everything awesome!" without taking actual action.... it's not all that healthy in my opinion.

It was just to give some perspective. It will work for some people but it depends on your problems or the type of person you are and I just wanted to give the OP another side on it. Before my reply a lot of people recommending it had said they hadn't actually done it themselves or had only attended a conference or two on the subject.

LegacyUser

I suppose...

I would be very wary of them, but at the same time would be thinking "why not". For the record, I DO NOT believe in psychics etc.

I do believe that if you keep thinking bad things will happen to you, more often than not, they will....

Humria

Is it possible that you need to be more realistic in your expectations?

Knowing what you want in a partner is great but measuring them up against this "ideal" seems like a recipe for disaster. Even if someone fit your ideal in appearances doesn't mean that you'll "click" with them on a personality level. Work wise it sounds like you are doing well in a tough economy - give yourself a bit of credit for that! Just because it's not perfect, doesn't mean that it's not a significant achievement.

If you feel like you need to build up your confidence or self-esteem then by all means do it. It would probably do you some good. But you don't need a life coach to do that.

I think this "visualising" stuff can be quite destructive. It makes people set the bar ridiculously high and then nothing measures up. If you set yourself realistic and concrete goals and quoi can build up from there. For example, instead of just thinking I want my business to be a huge success - say I want to sell x amount next month and therefore increase my profit margin by x much. It doesn't mean you don't want you business to be a huge success but you've broken the big goal into smaller stepping stones. Having a concrete and specific target will motivate you more than just the vague ideal.