Stressed with wedding

LegacyUser

I really wish I was getting married abroad. I feel stressed, chlaustraphobic and slightly panicked. The issue is my family.

I love them and as we are struggling a little bit money wise, they have really looked after me, making sure we do not want for anything, particularly with regards to our wedding.

You see the issue is my mother and sister. My sister is my best friend and as I'm working full time and in full time college, she has undertaken a lot of the organising for the wedding. I seem to be caught in the middle of their disagreements and told that it's my fault as I "sit on my arse" apparently. I don't. I have no days off anymore because of work and college.

I find if I suggest something and my mother doesn't like it, well I have to go with her decision. For example, I chose a flowergirl dress and in the shop in front of everyone she said " that won't go with your dress" and I said I liked it, only for her to tell me that she " wouldn't say another thing as I devour her".she then walked out of the shop and left me standing by myself only short of bursting into tears.

Tonight I called on the phone just to say hello and all was well until the wedding subject came up. Quickly I was to blame for everything and was told that " everything is great in my house because I've done nothing. People will walk into the wedding stress free and she will walk in exhausted looking because of me." Also my oh family have made no effort with the wedding blah blah and I'm a disgrace. So I hung up the phone and I'm now sitting here wishing I could just scream! I'm so upset and wish I went abroad to marry. Rant over!

I dunno if I'm even asking for advice i really need a rant! Thanks x

frankly, i would tell them to take their money back, and refuse to let them plan anything else.
it's YOUR wedding, not theirs.
if you don't have the money, put it off and save for longer.

where is the groom to be in all this?

I am a friend

Reallyannoyed wrote: »

I really wish I was getting married abroad.

What at thsi point cant be cancelled in order to do this? How much in deposits would you lose and would the savings from having the wedding abroad not offset these deposits?

Why stress yourself like this? Go abroad and do it your way.

ABajaninCork

Nothing like weddings to bring out the worst in people....

OP - I know it's hard for you as you work and go to college. I planned my wedding in Ireland from the UK whilst juggling a job. It's pretty tough. But in CAN be done with a little organisation.

Is there ANY way you can wrest back control? What about evenings/weekends?? Make a timetable/planner of when stuff needs to be done if you have to. You don't have to plan wedding stuff every day. Get your fiance involved. It's his wedding too - Doesn't he have a say?

Hope you can get it sorted!

CathyMoran

I can relate a bit too much to this - every time that I tried to get married in the past both sides interfered - I would insist on paying for your own wedding, only then can you have control. We did get married in the end, had a tiny wedding with 16 people at it in Ireland.

Daisy M

Your mother sounds like a control freak, nip it in the bud now before she forms a little routine and has control on all aspects of your life. Shw is manipulating you and is very good at it. The comment she made " wouldn't say another thing as I devour her " is designed to make you feel like the bad guy and the one who is been unreasonable, dont fall for this.

How is your sister coping, is she stressed too? Perhaps it would be better to postpone the wedding until both you and your fiancee can organise it yourselves or make it a more simple wedding that needs less organisation.

deisemum

You need to take control of organising your own wedding. Postpone it until you've finished college and can afford to pay for it yourself or else go for a smaller and cheaper wedding.

If you continue to allow your mother and sister to be in charge of organising your wedding and manipulate you as shown to get their own way then you will have plenty of time once you're married to look back on the day with some regrets. I've seen this happen so many times. I lived in the UK and organised my wedding in Ireland.

There's a lot to be said for eloping to Gretna Green or Las Vegas or applying to Don't Tell The Bride.

John Mason

er....what now??

Its your wedding - there is no way you should have left anything to your mother to do - she has already got married.

You need to take YOUR wedding back and remove your family from the planning process.

You and your partner, need to organise everything. if you havent got time to organise the wedding, then cancel it.

You also need to hand them back every cent they have given you. you need to stand on your own two feet and act like an adult and not a spoilt teenager

MissFlitworth

It sounds like the issue is more that you want to get married but you can't afford to pay for it & you don't have the time to organise it so you've passed all the responsibilty on to your family & now they're in bridezilla wedding mode & think that they're in charge. If you don't have the money to pay for or the time to organise a wedding then you might need to either put the wedding off for a bit or else learn some coping skills to deal with other people being completely stressed out organising your wedding. They are going to be stressed organising things, most people organising weddings are like demons in the rung up, & if you can't help out because you're so busy then you might have to make some allowances for them

Beruthiel

Reallyannoyed wrote: »

I love them and as we are struggling a little bit money wise, they have really looked after me, making sure we do not want for anything, particularly with regards to our wedding.

Mistake number one.
You should have had the wedding you could afford. You should have planned it within your means and not expected someone else to help pay for it.
Once you allow that to happen, then they have a say in the organisation.

My sister is my best friend and as I'm working full time and in full time college, she has undertaken a lot of the organising for the wedding.

Mistake number two.
You should have waited until you had more time on your hands and organised your own wedding.
Asking someone else to do it is a bit much.

I would suggest that if you haven't paid over for the hotel etc.. then cancel the big plans and organise something smaller that you can pay for yourself.
A smaller, stress free wedding that you planned by yourself is much, much more enjoyable.

lazygal

It cost €150 to get married in Ireland. It requires a meeting with the registrar three months before to register intent and then on the day the ceremony is five minutes long, requiring only two witnesses to be present. Anything outside this is 100% an optional extra.

So if you want the optional extras, which are what are ACTUALLY making your wedding expensive and stressful, you either:
a) Find another way of funding them.
b) Curtail your plans more in line with what you can afford
c) Postpone the wedding you want, presuming its a wedding and not a marriage that's the priority
d) Take the bull by the horns and possibly risk having to lose some money and relationships with your family


All the stress couples getting married bring on themselves are entirely of their own making if they chose to have a big day out with all the trimmings or decide to let others foot the bill.

jessiejam

I was in a similar situation back in 2005. albeit without the financial help from anyone.
The money was there to fund it but was feeling panicked, stressed and overwhelmed by it all.
Due to family issues we weren't sure if we could invite certain people with other people going, everyone wanted a say in it.

To cut a long story short we cancelled the wedding booked a fortnight in lanzarote instead and off we went. We lost a little money from deposits alright but so be it.
Nothing should cause you that much stress. Life is too short.

As other posters have said postpone it until you can pay for the wedding you want or do it in a registry office a lot cheaper.

On a side note... we are still not married.. just think why try fix something when its not broken...maybe vegas someday....:D

Danniboo

I'm going to presume it was you and your fiancee that put a date on getting married. Presumably you both knew at the time what your lifestyle and financial situation would be like during this time. Yet your sister has been landed with most of the organising and your parents with the a large portion of the bill. And your cribbing because they're a bit tetchy. You sound p****d off in your post, so maybe you do "devour" your mother. Hows your OH helping out with this, how much organising have you been doing??? You can't give out about your OH's family, its YOUR wedding. OP, you need to grow up.

ManOfMystery

I'm getting married in a few months OP, so I know what wedding pressure feels like and the huge amount of unseen jobs and things which need done beforehand.

Nevertheless - you can't have your cake and eat it.

If you are too busy/stressed/whatever to completely take control of the organisation of your wedding, then you're going to have to put up with the demands of those people who you have appointed to do it.

And if you can't handle that, then postpone the wedding until such a time that your and your partner can organise it yourselves. You can't pass jobs & tasks off to other people and expect them to be done quietly, without fuss and 100% to your preference - it's asking quite a lot to expect someone else to organise your wedding.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this situation is entirely of your own making - you need to take some responsibility here. Personally I couldn't imagine anyone but myself and my partner organising our wedding, there are so many personal things involved that I'd find it very difficult just to hand it to someone else to do - as you're now finding out to your detriment.

Miss Fluff

Reallyannoyed wrote: »

I really wish I was getting married abroad.

Not being terse but if you want to get married abroad, then get married abroad.

We're getting married in a few weeks and I am super excited and not remotely stressed - this is because we're having the day that we want. Small, classy, intimate and with the most special people in our lives in attendance. Don't do anything you don't want to do...