girl help needed !

superfish

hi guys just need a bit of advice from the girls, basically I met a girl on my birthday shes friends with my cousin, she finished with her ex 2 month ago and was in a fairly abusive relationship where he cheated on her, anyways we seemed to click straight away she stayed at my house for a week after and says she really likes me but towards the end she started being off with me saying basically all men are the same and that this will be no different from any other relationship, I was fairly pissed off as ive never cheated on a girl or treated one like **** and the last girl I was with for near 5 years, anyways we were talking about facebook and how her ex used it to cheat an had loads of girls in their underwear as friends, I basically said I would never do that if I was in a relationship, so she goes home looks through all my friends and finds 1 girl like that and texts me saying that im a liar, I explained im a single guy and I also deleted her straight away, then she starts going on about some guy rung her to ask her out but she said no and her type is usually dark hair (im blonde) anyways normally I would not give a **** but I really like everything about this girl shes basically what I would class as my perfect woman but she seems to have a lot of insecurities regarding her looks and seems to have issues with men, im so confused dont know what to do should I keep trying or am I being messed around any female advice would be greatly appreciated

hondasam

She is insecure because of the way her ex treated her which is understandable. It's too soon for her to get involved with someone else, she needs to gain your trust.
I don't think she is messing you around, she has no confidence in herself. If you really like her talk to her, be open and honest with her.

blatantrereg

Your perfect girl: Calls you names...because she objects to a facebook friend...she found by going through all your friends looking for something to take offence to....after one week...then she informs you that she is getting rung up and asked out by other guys....and that you're not her type.

Balls. Vicegrip.

Well I reckon she was definitely in abusive relationships alright. But perhaps she was doign a good bit of the abusing.

I'm not a girl though so discount my advice You need advice on how to keep her happy so she doesn't crush your balls any tighter. She's perfect after all and you need to pander to her mental evil sh!t.

I am a friend

Based on what you have said, she has serious issues... She chose to stay in the abusive relationship and, high the way she has spoken to you, learned a few of the 'abusers' tricks..

Can't see how she is the perfect woman for you seeing as she is abusive to you.

Move on - she has too many issues.

anon cable

superfish wrote: »

hi guys just need a bit of advice from the girls, basically I met a girl on my birthday shes friends with my cousin, she finished with her ex 2 month ago and was in a fairly abusive relationship where he cheated on her, anyways we seemed to click straight away she stayed at my house for a week after and says she really likes me but towards the end she started being off with me saying basically all men are the same and that this will be no different from any other relationship, I was fairly pissed off as ive never cheated on a girl or treated one like **** and the last girl I was with for near 5 years, anyways we were talking about facebook and how her ex used it to cheat an had loads of girls in their underwear as friends, I basically said I would never do that if I was in a relationship, so she goes home looks through all my friends and finds 1 girl like that and texts me saying that im a liar, I explained im a single guy and I also deleted her straight away, then she starts going on about some guy rung her to ask her out but she said no and her type is usually dark hair (im blonde) anyways normally I would not give a **** but I really like everything about this girl shes basically what I would class as my perfect woman but she seems to have a lot of insecurities regarding her looks and seems to have issues with men, im so confused dont know what to do should I keep trying or am I being messed around any female advice would be greatly appreciated

You deleted a friend from Facebook because it was offending insecure cuckoo girl ? Drop her fast ! Delete her number and never make contact again. You will be in for a world of pak. With one like her

snafuk35

superfish wrote: »

hi guys just need a bit of advice from the girls, basically I met a girl on my birthday shes friends with my cousin, she finished with her ex 2 month ago and was in a fairly abusive relationship where he cheated on her, anyways we seemed to click straight away she stayed at my house for a week after and says she really likes me but towards the end she started being off with me saying basically all men are the same and that this will be no different from any other relationship, I was fairly pissed off as ive never cheated on a girl or treated one like **** and the last girl I was with for near 5 years, anyways we were talking about facebook and how her ex used it to cheat an had loads of girls in their underwear as friends, I basically said I would never do that if I was in a relationship, so she goes home looks through all my friends and finds 1 girl like that and texts me saying that im a liar, I explained im a single guy and I also deleted her straight away, then she starts going on about some guy rung her to ask her out but she said no and her type is usually dark hair (im blonde) anyways normally I would not give a **** but I really like everything about this girl shes basically what I would class as my perfect woman but she seems to have a lot of insecurities regarding her looks and seems to have issues with men, im so confused dont know what to do should I keep trying or am I being messed around any female advice would be greatly appreciated

Next time she brings up rubbish like this, tell her to cop herself on or its goodbye. Stand up to her and tell her you are not going to stand for this childish crap. If she will not or can not change then say adios.

Lorna123

If she stayed in your house for a week OP she should have a pretty good idea that you are a gentleman. I don't understand her bad manners. She is not your ideal girl as she has many shortcomings. I think it is very bad mannered of her to say that she prefers dark haired men when you are fair. She needs a kick in the ass if you ask me. Quit now while you are still sane OP.

desertcircus

She's behaving abusively to you. Tell her that you don't think she's emotionally healthy after her last relationship and you can't be with her as a result. If you continue with it, she's set the terms - and they involve her controlling who you're friends with and what you do.

Even if she seems like the perfect woman, it's not going to be worth it. For it to work, she's going to have to completely change how she behaves - assuming she agrees completely that she's behaving grossly unfairly and is being controlling and manipulative. For what it's worth, I think it's unlikely that she'll even accept that she has a problem, so the best option is to cut your losses, split up with her, and wish her the best.

ihsb

hondasam wrote: »

She is insecure because of the way her ex treated her which is understandable. It's too soon for her to get involved with someone else, she needs to gain your trust.
I don't think she is messing you around, she has no confidence in herself. If you really like her talk to her, be open and honest with her.

+1 She obviously likes you or she wouldn't be getting upset the way that she has been. She probably needs time to heal her wounds and hopefully you might be there for her when she does.

I wouldn't take the comments or actions personally she is just going through a difficult time and if you feel like she is worth it then stick around

superfish

cheers guys for all the comments she keeps saying shes not sure what she wants, so I text her an said she should stop stringing me along and I wont put up with it and I hope when the times right she meets someone nice, then she text back saying Im taking her up wrong an she really likes me, shes driving me insane lol I know its only over a week but I was talking to her for good few week before and we know each other from when we were younger, as for her issues with her looks that does not bother me one bit as I genuinely would not change a bit about her looks so dont mind having to make her feel better about them its just the whole all guys are the same bull**** thats pissing me off, I think im just going to back off and take it as it comes im doing all the chasing il see what happens when I stop.

cruais

You may like her but that girl has some major insecurities and issues going on! If she is acting like that now, imagine when you get into a relationship, you won't be allowed look sideways without being accused of something.

Girls like her gives us bad names. Trust me, for a much easier life, steer well clear!

beks101

Nutcase. Run like the wind.

P.S I'd be willing to bet some serious money that the second you stop chasing her, the lack of ego boost will wreck her head and she'll up the stakes in the texting/flirting front. Delete, ignore and move on. Nothing good can come of this.

OkayWhatever

I broke up with my previous boyfriend after a year and a half, and that was a very bad relationship. There was violence involved and he cheated on me a lot. So when I got out of that I was messed up really.

A few weeks later, I got into a relationship with the boyfriend i'm with now. We're together over a year and a half. He helped me overcome a lot, because my confidence and self image was at rock bottom. I thought that all he was going to be the exact same as my ex.

At the start of the relationship it was tough. Not gonna lie, it was really tough. But we stuck it out and i've never been happier. I don't see us breaking up soon.

If you like this girl enough to help her through the bad times then stick to it, and help her. But if you want an easy life, then you should walk away because it's probably not gonna be easy to begin with.

Some things she's doing are, in my opinion, childish and unnecessary. So you have to get her to try and make an effort, because if she doesn't then you might aswell not bother because you're probably gonna get fed up pretty quickly.

LegacyUser

I had an ex that scared the sh*te out of me. He was the sweetest, kindest, faithful, most generous person you would ever meet. He helped me out financially and encouraged me to pursue my masters. Although not often (every month or two) he would go out for "a drink" and I emphasise that because he never got plastered when he drinks, he just got nasty. He was basically a Jekyll and Hyde. On one of his drinking nights, his friend came by to drop him off. He never got over the look of fear in my eyes. He took him back over to his place instead and this is when I thought enough was enough. Now I had to rely on others and be petrified whenever my bf decides to go out for a drink? I finally found the courage to leave him as this was not the life and future I wanted. What happened two months after the relationship ended? I was living with a friend because I was scared to live alone. Not looking for a relationship, that was the last thing on my mind. I was raw with emotion over the break-up. After one year, I got my own place and brought a new "man" into my life, Frankie, my newly adopted Rottweiler; not a bf. It took two years to date again and I do take things very slowly and more cautiously. I certainly would not play games or act childish like this girl, op. I do not know her but her actions are more about immaturity.

I do have to be honest here, 2 months is not enough time to get over ANY relationship especially if it ended in trauma or fear. Her immaturity andher past, makes her not ready for any relationship now and don't encourage her either, imo. I suggest you move on. You are worthy to be with someone who knows what they want and not play foolish mind games. And the thing about blondes, my G-d! I do actually prefer blondes myself;), but if a darker guy that was kind, caring and respectful to me came along, I am not going to turn him down based on his hair colour! All I can suggest to you is either be a friend to her and move on find someone else that is ready for a relationship with you.

Take care xx

superfish

unregistered001 wrote: »

I had an ex that scared the sh*te out of me. He was the sweetest, kindest, faithful, most generous person you would ever meet. He helped me out financially and encouraged me to pursue my masters. Although not often (every month or two) he would go out for "a drink" and I emphasise that because he never got plastered when he drinks, he just got nasty. He was basically a Jekyll and Hyde. On one of his drinking nights, his friend came by to drop him off. He never got over the look of fear in my eyes. He took him back over to his place instead and this is when I thought enough was enough. Now I had to rely on others and be petrified whenever my bf decides to go out for a drink? I finally found the courage to leave him as this was not the life and future I wanted. What happened two months after the relationship ended? I was living with a friend because I was scared to live alone. Not looking for a relationship, that was the last thing on my mind. I was raw with emotion over the break-up. After one year, I got my own place and brought a new "man" into my life, Frankie, my newly adopted Rottweiler; not a bf. It took two years to date again and I do take things very slowly and more cautiously. I certainly would not play games or act childish like this girl, op. I do not know her but her actions are more about immaturity.

I do have to be honest here, 2 months is not enough time to get over ANY relationship especially if it ended in trauma or fear. Her immaturity andher past, makes her not ready for any relationship now and don't encourage her either, imo. I suggest you move on. You are worthy to be with someone who knows what they want and not play foolish mind games. And the thing about blondes, my G-d! I do actually prefer blondes myself;), but if a darker guy that was kind, caring and respectful to me came along, I am not going to turn him down based on his hair colour! All I can suggest to you is either be a friend to her and move on find someone else that is ready for a relationship with you.

Take care xx

Thanks a million for this post it really put things in perspective for me as much as I like her I think il end up just being friends as my ex had a lot of issues and in the end it was her jealousy that ended up breaking us up and im already starting to see very similar traits in this girl and dont think I can handle another 5 years of crazyness ha ha im a sucker for the looneys I guess