What should I do?

joyce2009

Ive been with my husband for 22 years and we have 3 kids together, things are generally good between us but he tends to drink too much and when he does I tend to be invisible to him. He has in the past been texting women that he meets on face book making me out to be a cold loveless person which I'm not,when I eventually find out he says he was just drunk and being stupid and he would never meet this person or do anything , that it is all just messing. This has happened a few times over the years and it breaks my heart to read the text of him flirting with other women. ( the only reason I look at the text is when i see him acting weird about his phone ,I never touch it otherwise, but now my trust in him is gone ).After the last time I told him I couldn't take it any more and that if it happened again he would have to leave, he promised of course..But of course its happened again,he's been acting weird so when he got drunk and passed out i looked and he's been texting a girl telling her i'm not there for him(lie) and he has noone:(, she wants to meet him and blah blah blah...I cant take this again , we have a great time together,a great sex life and loads of shared interest..Why does he do this, I'm just not enough for him , he wants it all, the family life and the thrill of another woman..Sorry for the rant, I feel like I'm cracking up..

Gilldog

Im so sorry that you are going through this. Im sure a Mod will be along soon enough to move this to PI where it wil hopefully get better replies than mine.
You say yourself that the trust is no longer there in your relationship, it seems he has done this too many times. The major problem is the drink, you need to be strong and set boundaries to protect you and your children.
Would your husband be willing to get help for his drinking, or to go to councilling? If he can't or won't do anything to change his behaviour it leaves you with very little choice.
As for the texting other women, it is disrespectful and hurtful, never mind that he bad mouths you to them. He sounds awful to be honest, if I were you I would think very strongly about kicking him out. He says to you that he hasn't met any of these women in person, but he has also lied to you before.

Do you realise that by putting up with it you are essentially giving him permission to continue...that without serious consequesnces for his behaviour, he will never change. I think you know yourself that you need to make a big decision, and do whats right for you and your children, your husband doesn't sound like he deserves your help.

Wibbs

(Moved from tLL)
As Gilldog said better bet here joyce2009 where you'll hopefully get some better counsel. Good luck.

hondasam

joyce2009 wrote: »

Ive been with my husband for 22 years and we have 3 kids together, things are generally good between us but he tends to drink too much and when he does I tend to be invisible to him. He has in the past been texting women that he meets on face book making me out to be a cold loveless person which I'm not,when I eventually find out he says he was just drunk and being stupid and he would never meet this person or do anything , that it is all just messing. This has happened a few times over the years and it breaks my heart to read the text of him flirting with other women. ( the only reason I look at the text is when i see him acting weird about his phone ,I never touch it otherwise, but now my trust in him is gone ).After the last time I told him I couldn't take it any more and that if it happened again he would have to leave, he promised of course..But of course its happened again,he's been acting weird so when he got drunk and passed out i looked and he's been texting a girl telling her i'm not there for him(lie) and he has noone:(, she wants to meet him and blah blah blah...I cant take this again , we have a great time together,a great sex life and loads of shared interest..Why does he do this, I'm just not enough for him , he wants it all, the family life and the thrill of another woman..Sorry for the rant, I feel like I'm cracking up..

I'm sorry you are unhappy but think about it in a different way if you can, he drinks has a bit of fun txting other people, it's not the worst thing he could be doing.
You should not be looking at his phone but I understand why you did, he is not hiding the fact he txt other women.
You say ye have a good life apart from this, have you asked him to cut back on the drinking?

ihsb

To me, texting other women in that way is cheating. Obviously this is different with other people but to me once you start down that road, lines get blurred and it is too easy to branch into something more physical.

To me the drinking is the problem. The fact that be blacked out again? That is not healthy at all. And if he is only doing this when he has been drinking I think he needs to get help with this before anything else.

up for anything

joyce2009 wrote: »

But of course its happened again,he's been acting weird so when he got drunk and passed out i looked and he's been texting a girl telling her i'm not there for him(lie) and he has noone:(, she wants to meet him and blah blah blah...I cant take this again

I'm not really clear on this. It sounds to me like he texts other women and then puts it down to being drunk or you use his being drunk to check his phone. I'm not getting the impression that these are drunken texts. Am I right?