Housemate woes.

dmcg90

I'm the youngest in a rented house of four, 21, male, masters student. The other flatmates are 25, 26 and 42, we each pay our rent for our rooms to the landlord.

In January, my food started to go missing. I left a note up asking people to stop taking my food. I asked each flatmate if they had taken it, or knew who did but all didn't accept responsibility or knew who did. The 25 year old is a friend of mine and always asked me if she needed anything so she was ruled out. The 42 year old never uses the kitchen, so I ruled her out leavening the 26 year old. I had figured it might have been her as her friends had used my food before, I never accused the 26 year old of taking my stuff however, I voiced my opinion that by a process of elimination it must be her, which the 42 year old and 25 year old had no response to apart from reaffirming it wasn't them.

One evening in January, when all four of us were in the kitchen, I was accused of 'verbally attacking' the 26 year old by the 42 year old, this has been brought up on many occasions by the 42 year old. Seeing as I never even accused anyone of taking my belongings I found this odd.

Fast-forward a month and the whole house had to move to a newly renovated house because our existing house was deemed unfit to live in. The existing house's set up was me in a double room (paying €275 per month), the 42 year old in an en-suite double (paying €300 per month) and the 25 and 26 year olds in single rooms paying €250 per month. In the new house, the two single rooms had been upgraded to double rooms, but kept at the same rent. I voiced my concern at this to the 42 year old that it seemed unfair that I paid more, I said I would talk to the landlord to REDUCE my rent. Anyway, I ensured all bills, the TV Licence and oil were transferred over to the new house. In addition to this, I had moved the kitchen and living room contents over to the new house.

I later found the 42 year old had told the 25 and 26 year old that I wanted to INCREASE their rent. I told the two girls that I had no such intentions and that I couldn't do this. Upon the day of moving, the two girls were not speaking to me, and continue to decline to speak to me. The day after moving I asked the 42 year old what was their issue, she informed me that their issue was "I took over the kitchen" which isn't a fair critique as I only cooked in there and studied infrequently, I never made anyone feel uncomfortable, making everyone tea and chatting like normal flatmates would. The 42 year old ended the conversation by saying "No-one wants you here, no-body wants to speak to you". The 42 year old since moving in is buying favour with the two girls with bottles of wine and chineeses.

I find it incredibly weird that the two girls aren't speaking to me over such a weird matter, something I never said, don't want and can't do. If I was to speak to the landlord it would only be possible to decrease my rent as he previously said before moving into the new house that rents would not be going up. I've figured out that the 42 year old was taking my stuff and letting me believe that it was the 26 year old taking my food, then labeling me as 'verbally attacking' her which I repeat I never did. I keep to myself in the house, i'm quiet, I clean up after myself, get all repairs sorted, all bills sorted and any issues sorted. Its clear that the 42 year old is manipulating myself and the two girls. I've lost my friend over this matter, I live in a house where no-body will speak to me, making things feel very uncomfortable.

I have attempted to talk to the two girls since voicing that I had no intentions of wanting their rent to go up but to no avail. The 42 year old in my opinion has tried to make me out to be the villain in the house whereas all i've done is try and make things as easy as possible and been as nice as possible to everyone. What should I do? Moving is not an option due to being a student and having a lease, I'm in a nice house and I shouldn't have to move out because of lies and manipulation. I'm at a total loss as to what to do, I want to regain the relationship I had with the two girls and make the girls realise that I never said it, and I'm not the person the 42 year old would have them believe I am. I'm sick of her manipulation.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
D

whippet

first of all you are paying rent to the landlord, what your housemates are paying is none of your business.

Second of all, unless you can learn to live with different types of people, some whom you'll like, some you won't, some who will like you and some who don't you may have to seek an alternative form of accommodation.

As for the food thing, when I was a student there was always an element of unofficial sharing of others food ... never took the piss, but then again not everyone is as honest.

Agent J

Welcome to the wonderful world of house sharing.

Food - I wouldnt get that worked up over it and playing detective on it.

Re read this part.

I never accused the 26 year old of taking my stuff however, I voiced my opinion that by a process of elimination it must be her,

It goes missing just ask people to let you know/replace anything and some times.. Well it happens. Trying to make a mountain of it just causes you stress.

Rent - Since it's 4 individuals renting seperatly. Your rent is your business(& vice versa) if you think you get a raw deal then speak to the landlord about it. No one else.

Look you've got 2 real choices here

1) Stay

Try the direct approach with the 42 year old again and ask them to elaborate what they mean. Maybe you can work it out like 2 reasonable adults. Maybe there is a misunderstanding at work here.

Or not. Which means you are going to either ignore or stay on the defensive the whole time. If it's only a matter of making it to May then just dont have any non essential conversation with the 42 year old till May is over.

And stop doing all the taking care of the place stuff. Let others do it.


2) Leave

Bail. Life is to short to be living with people who you think actively dislike you are are playing games. If the 42 year old wants to play games, they can do so with someone else. Yes it sucks after you've done a lot of work etc etc but well.. chalk it up to experience

Word of warning. Do not drag anyone (ie other housemates) else into this even if you think others are.. Let others make their own views and decisions on any issues. If you try to drag others into a "He said, she said.. " situation it will make you look bad & probably backfire on you.

beks101

Jesus, just break the lease and leave. That 42 year old sounds like a bitter piece of work and it's doubtful her attitude to you is going to change. Unfortunately it means your other two housemates will probably remain her allies.

They're not your family and you won't get arrested if you break the lease and leave. A headache at worst, but any worse than the prolonged headache you'll have to endure if you stick around?