bro in law dying

LegacyUser

hi

Tbh i feel selfish even thinking i need any comfort about this

One of my sisters (jane) has found out that her husband (John) of 20 years is dying.
Shes only 40- she has 2 sons with john and they got together when she was 15.

Shes found out her husband has a disease his mother died of.Basically its a disease where his muscles are withering away- and eventually his brain goes.

Last time i was in her house was 3 weeks agoand i did notice he was stuttering and staggering and i figured he had been out for the carling cup final that day so i said nothing.

Then my other sister told me he was dying- only a few people know- he only wanted to tell family only and made a list of people to tell and me and my husband were on it.

TBH when i found out i sank inside only for the fact how unfair it is- theres scumbag druggies in my estate and they live while my bro in law has to die. It makes me sick!

John however acts like a man whos not dying- he makes jokes about it- he laughs about it.
he is positive and his attitude is "Ive lead a good life and theres starving babies in africa who need pity and help more than me"

His attitudes amazing and my sister (his wife) has told me that his positive attitude is the reason she has not been sucking vodka bottles. I can honestly say if it was my husband (Iv no kids and im 26) i would be an alco.

But oddly its hitting me badly- i dont get it. im not that close to them, but im sickned he has been given a death sentence so young, and i keep bursting into tears about it and i dont know why

ive never really dealth with death before so maybe thats it... i feel selfish even asking this- what have i to bitch about!!!

Mr. Loverman

Life is not fair. As I get older I realise this is one of the beauties and tragedies of life.

I always try to keep perspective on things, similar to John. It is not always easy, but it is definitely the right way to think.

Be happy for John that he is at peace with his illness. And be happy with yourself that the biggest problem in your life is that someone else is sick.

Don't feel guilty that you feel bad. Your feelings are real. Accept them, be kind to John and your sister, and try to be happy with what you have.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about your brother in law. Life is extremely unfair. I know because my wonderful mum developed an incurable degenerative disease when she wasn't much older than John. If you're like me, you go around aware that this disease and that disease exists but you don't give the matter any more thought. It's only when something nasty lands right on your doorstep that you have to stop and digest what has happened.

The fact that it's upsetting you just goes to show that you have a heart and that you are a good person. Even though you don't have the illness, you have to come to terms with the bad news. You'll do this in your own time. Chat to your other sister and your mum about it and get it out of your system. Also, be there for your sister if she needs you. People can put on brave faces and pretend things are fine when in fact they're dying inside.

tbh

bildying wrote: »

hi

Tbh i feel selfish even thinking i need any comfort about this

One of my sisters (jane) has found out that her husband (John) of 20 years is dying.
Shes only 40- she has 2 sons with john and they got together when she was 15.

Shes found out her husband has a disease his mother died of.Basically its a disease where his muscles are withering away- and eventually his brain goes.

Last time i was in her house was 3 weeks agoand i did notice he was stuttering and staggering and i figured he had been out for the carling cup final that day so i said nothing.

Then my other sister told me he was dying- only a few people know- he only wanted to tell family only and made a list of people to tell and me and my husband were on it.

TBH when i found out i sank inside only for the fact how unfair it is- theres scumbag druggies in my estate and they live while my bro in law has to die. It makes me sick!

John however acts like a man whos not dying- he makes jokes about it- he laughs about it.
he is positive and his attitude is "Ive lead a good life and theres starving babies in africa who need pity and help more than me"

His attitudes amazing and my sister (his wife) has told me that his positive attitude is the reason she has not been sucking vodka bottles. I can honestly say if it was my husband (Iv no kids and im 26) i would be an alco.

But oddly its hitting me badly- i dont get it. im not that close to them, but im sickned he has been given a death sentence so young, and i keep bursting into tears about it and i dont know why

ive never really dealth with death before so maybe thats it... i feel selfish even asking this- what have i to bitch about!!!

something like this is upsetting in the literal sense of the world. You have this idea of the world (good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, horrible things only happen to people on the news, most things in life are controllable and fixable) and then something like this happens - it shakes you. IMO, it's why so many people in the UK got so upset when Diana was killed. It wasn't so much about the loss of her, but more the loss of a feeling of security. You've just had your world view shaken badly, you're upset and you are in shock. This is totally natural, and it will pass.

I'm very sorry to hear about your B-i-L, I hope the rest of his time is happy, and that he passes peacefully. After all, that's about as much as any of us can hope for.