Had sex with a friend at the weekend

LegacyUser

Hi, started work in the grad scheme of a large company in September, and have become very close with a guy member of my team. We are really good friends and hang out a lot, both in a group and alone. I honestly didn't see him in a non-platonic way for the first 3-4 months, then one day I realised he's actually a really good looking guy, and tensions started building from then, from both sides. All the while remaining good friends and of course never mentioning the elephant in the room :P

It all came to a head at the weekend when we had sex after having a bit to drink. Not so much that we were blind drunk but enough to overcome the awkwardness barriers. Since then I've told myself that everything is fine and can go back to normal- we've both agreed that it was a one-off.

However, I've just come back from a girly dinner where I saw things in a new light- was talking about it with another girl who'd been in a similar situation, and her view was I need to seriously curb the amount of time I spend with this guy or else become his girlfriend! Is it possible to just go back to the way things were after something like this happens? She made me see that we are quite co-dependent; we spend loads of time together and both of us are secretly annoyed when the other one flirts with/kisses someone on a night out.

We care about each other a lot and have both said we want our friendship to last and not ruin it with casual sex- but is it too late for that? Is she correct that I need to set proper boundaries? When she pointed out that as soon as one of us becomes loved up the other one will be left high and dry, it was like someone had taken off the blinkers. I would not be happy if he got a girlfriend. But is it romantic jealousy or possessiveness??

Basically, I am wondering is it possible to maintain the close friendship I have with this guy. Do I secretly have feelings for him or am I in denial? I genuinely believe that a long-lasting friendship can be way more rewarding than a year (or however long) relationship that eventually fizzles out and contact is lost. I honestly don't know what to do or how I feel. I'm fairly certain he doesn't want a relationship. Help!

Mr. Loverman

It sounds like you would probably be happy to be his girlfriend if he asked you.

I met my girlfriend at my previous job. We have been together nearly 6 years. We worked together for 5 years, including a couple of years where she was my manager.

If you like each other and can remain professional in work, things between you could be good.

If you do decide it is best to stay friends, I also think it can be done. Many moons ago I had a female friend who I would fool around with sometimes. We were very close friends, and we wanted each other to be happy, so that meant neither of us tried to control each other, or whatever.

Whatever you decide to do, I think the most important thing is to not go all psycho on his ass. Either continue on exactly like normal or move things forward. Don't start giving him **** or withdrawing or acting weird or whatever.

You sound like a decent person though so I have a feeling this will work out well for you.

beks101

Why complicate things? You both quite obviously have feelings for each other, whether you're prepared to admit it or not! Why not sit down and actually address that elephant in the room and figure out where to go from there?

It doesn't sound to me like platonic friendship or a friends-with-benefits scenario is going to work out too well for ye.

Herrick

To be honest OP, it sounds like you both will either have to make a go of things as a couple or really cut down on the time you spend together. Your friend is correct.

LegacyUser

Well, it happened again last night and was really hot. Definitely need to talk to him now about where to go from here. I do 'like him' like him, I can admit it now.

The friendship as it was is gone, which was going to happen sooner or later anyway, with or without sex. Thanks for the helpful responses guys.

Ickle Magoo

Okay OP - as the initial question has been answered, I'll lock this thread.

All the very best. :cool: