Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

TeddyTedson

Well unfortunately the milk isn't free. The milk man is like a pissed off dealer chasing me down every week for his cash. I usually try dodge him till pay day but sometimes he catches me off guard.

Any-who, I was thinking of getting a dairy cow and a couple of hens out the back. It seems to just make sense to cut out the milk man, or a shop and the farmer.
The waste can also be put to good use fertilising the garden or can even be sold to fertiliser distributors I believe.

I really can't see a any flaws here. It might even be a good business venture to start selling cows and hens door to door in suburban areas.
Before anyone starts worrying about the dairy farmers, remember that our exports are doing great at the moment and this will allow this area to expand further.

Have I just stepped on to a winner here?

chin_grin

You'll see your whole life flash pasteurise.

niamhx

I think you'd be more suited to donkeys !

kfallon

Jesus Teddy, sometimes I really wish somebody would take your brain away from you :rolleyes:

:pac:

kryogen

I applaud this genius idea, I think you should mortgage everything you own to make this dream come true. Buy as many cows and hens as you can afford, I have a contact if you are going to buy in bulk.

Nothingbetter2d

you could just get a lactating woman instead.... less regulations, the odd shag, and a tidy house if you train her right. :P

patwicklow

Drink your tea red problem solved!

Princess Peach

kfallon wrote: »

Jesus Teddy, sometimes I really wish somebody would take your brain away from you :rolleyes:

:pac:

I'd take it if I could and use it. Teddy is a special genius.

chin_grin

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

you could just get a lactating woman instead.... less regulations, the odd shag, and a tidy house if you train her right. :P

But then you're drinking her.............her..................

FatherLen

even with one cow you will be sitting on a massive pile of steaming eh "money" after a week.

TeddyTedson

Princess Peach wrote: »

I'd take it if I could and use it. Teddy is a special genius.

I'm not sure I like one of the words in that sentence used in that context...

ejmaztec

Princess Peach wrote: »

I'd take it if I could and use it. Teddy is a special genius.

Don't encourage him, he'll milk it.

chin_grin

ejmaztec wrote: »

Don't encourage him, he'll milk it.

Bullocks he will. (Well, won't if that's the case).

TeddyTedson

ejmaztec wrote: »

Don't encourage him, he'll milk it.

Bahhahhhhh:pac:

patwicklow

Being married to one is enough:D

chin_grin

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Bahhahhhhh:pac:

No no no 'sheep'. Try it again...... :pac:

toexpress

kfallon wrote: »

Jesus Teddy, sometimes I really wish somebody would take your brain away from you :rolleyes:

:pac:

didn't they? Didn't they?

TeddyTedson

chin_grin wrote: »

No no no 'sheep'. Try it again...... :pac:

Sheep would be a lot cheaper to keep alright but I'm not sure if the quality of milk would be the same?

toexpress

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Sheep would be a lot cheaper to keep alright but I'm not sure if the quality of milk would be the same?

Plus if you have cows you can change your name to Ewing cos then you have cattle and an oil tank ...

FatherLen

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Sheep would be a lot cheaper to keep alright but I'm not sure if the quality of milk would be the same?

can you even milk a sheep?


i have nipples.
can you milk me?

chin_grin

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Sheep would be a lot cheaper to keep alright but I'm not sure if the quality of milk would be the same?

No no no your laugh......sounded like. I'm running low on caffeine. Be right back.

(Either that or I haven't p*ssed enough people off on here yet.....today....in the last hour).

toexpress

FatherLen wrote: »

can you even milk a sheep?


i have nipples.
can you milk me?

Am I the only one who finds the combination of his username and this particular post kind of creepy and sick making?

token101

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Well unfortunately the milk isn't free. The milk man is like a pissed off dealer chasing me down every week for his cash. I usually try dodge him till pay day but sometimes he catches me off guard.

Any-who, I was thinking of getting a dairy cow and a couple of hens out the back. It seems to just make sense to cut out the milk man, or a shop and the farmer.
The waste can also be put to good use fertilising the garden or can even be sold to fertiliser distributors I believe.

I really can't see a any flaws here. It might even be a good business venture to start selling cows and hens door to door in suburban areas.
Before anyone starts worrying about the dairy farmers, remember that our exports are doing great at the moment and this will allow this area to expand further.

Have I just stepped on to a winner here?

No you've stepped back about 400 years in time

Nothingbetter2d

FatherLen wrote: »

can you even milk a sheep?


i have nipples.
can you milk me?

yes men can be milked.... it requires massive doses of female hormones to simulate a nursing mother but it is possible.

noted side effects include:

severe stroppiness
saying one thing but meaning the opposite
saying it's fine when it clearly isn't
inability to choose an outfit to wear in less than 5 mins
a swelling of the breast tissues

happyman81

I reckon the selling chickens idea might actually work. Sell it as a package, with a few chicks, some feed, a cage or whatever to keep them and a handbook.

I'd say this has already been done.

OctavarIan

Buying and owning a single cow is such a bad idea.

TeddyTedson

token101 wrote: »

No you've stepped back about 400 years in time

That's bullocks, what about all the people growing their own vegetables nowadays. This is just taking it one step further.

lucylu

OP You will need to have a Herd Number to have a cow.
You will need facilities for testing (TB) such as a crush. Dept of Ag will call to inspect the set up. .

The same applies to having goats, sheep and pigs.

Nothingbetter2d

lucylu wrote: »

OP You will need to have a Herd Number to have a cow.
You will need facilities for testing (TB) such as a crush. Dept of Ag will call to inspect the set up. .

The same applies to having goats, sheep and pigs.

it seems OP your only remaining option is that lactating woman

or you could milk rats and sell its as Malk

lucylu

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

it seems OP your only remaining option is that lactating woman

sicko :eek:

chin_grin

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

it seems OP your only remaining option is that lactating woman

Have you watched Gozu, too?

Nodin

...thought this was going to be about marriage...

ejmaztec

TeddyTedson wrote: »

That's bullocks, what about all the people growing their own vegetables nowadays. This is just taking it one step further.

You could try living off the milk of human kindness, which would mean going to another forum, because you won't find any in AH.:P

chin_grin

ejmaztec wrote: »

You could try living off the milk of human kindness, which would mean going to another forum, because you won't find any in AH.:P

His hand, his tongue look like the innocent flower. But be the serpent under it.

TeddyTedson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVGIdtgiuQQ

al28283

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I really can't see a any flaws here.

well there's your problem

carrick79

FatherLen wrote: »

can you even milk a sheep?


i have nipples.
can you milk me?

toexpress wrote: »

Am I the only one who finds the combination of his username and this particular post kind of creepy and sick making?

I think Father Len wants someone to try...:eek::eek::D

pappyodaniel

A good business venture for ya Teddy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDOYK0v2IYo

charlemont

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1aNHE1rSCs

Brendog

who needs a cow. Get a busty wife and get her pregnant.

tit milk is the best milk. nipplicious

al28283

Brendog wrote: »

who needs a cow. Get a busty wife and get her pregnant.

tit milk is the best milk. nipplicious

milk isn't milk