Life - bleh

LegacyUser

I'm a 26 year old male and only recently came out of a pretty dark depression/bad patch that almost led to the worst. Since I've started to get better, my wellbeing has generally improved dramatically. But now, things are starting to get really bad again.

Where to start?

I'm beginning to think I messed up my life. I was in college for about 7 years - 2 years doing one course, before dropping out, a year doing another short PLC and then 4 years, which I eventually finished and graduated with an honours degree. I'm pretty damned happy with how I did, but I see people younger than me and much more successful and it makes me think - did I **** up? If I stuck with the course I had at the beginning, I could have a relatively successful job now, but I realized I couldn't do it for the rest of my life. So I dropped out.

While I was in college at the end, going through that bad patch, I was working 24 hours over Saturday and Sunday, while in college Monday to Friday and even picked up an extra internship Thursday and Friday, so I was feeling pretty burnt out at the end. Through my various courses, jobs and that internship, my CV is pretty impressive - a career advisor told me I could pretty much walk into a job if I wanted to.

Which brings me on to the next thing - I've been unemployed and on the dole since I finished college. It's only been just under a year, but it's beginning to grate on me and the €188 isn't enough for me to have a decent living. Sure, someone will come along and moan at me, but my rent is €80, I'm paying a loan back of €45 a week and then there's the other bills like phone credit and UPC, which together work out at about €20, so realistically I have €40 a week that I live on.

The problem is that one of the reasons that my life got so bad was that I was stuck in a job I didn't like. It got to the point where the thought of going into it made me sick. And because I went through this time makes me wonder whether I would survive going through it again and - to be honest - I really don't think I would. I don't think I'm strong enough. It was pure fluke that I managed it before.

So that's why I know I can't work in a job I hate. People tell me, "oh, but it could only be for a few years" and "a job leads to a job". Sorry, but I can't do that. I can't sacrifice my sanity for something like that. People might think I'm being overly melodramatic, but after going through that, I know I will do whatever it takes to ensure it won't happen again.

I've applied for jobs and internships only to find out it's nothing something I'm interested in. I know I'm being thickheaded, but why should I be stuck doing something I am not fully passionate about? If it's not, then I shouldn't be stuck my whole life doing it.

But the whole being broke thing is really starting to get me down. I can barely afford to eat properly, definitely can't afford to sign up to any classes or a gym, which would help improve my mood and give me something to do. I know the right job is out there, but the thought of being stuck doing something I don't like petrifies me. I see people working in jobs, being constantly not with it and being tired - it's like when I see my parents - my Dad worked his whole life only to get nowhere and now spends the most of the time in the pub. Same with my Mum, who I slowly see begin to lose it.

I can't end up like them, I can't.

lace

Hi OP!

First thing you need to do is try to stop worrying about decisions you made in the past. You said yourself you didn't enjoy the first course you were in so you were right to leave!

The next thing you need to do is get some hobbies. You don't need a gym to get some exercise! You could go for a walk or a run pretty much anywhere. You could do some exercises in your own home. If you have a smartphone there are loads of free workout/personal trainer apps. Set yourself a goal of being able to run x amount of miles or do x amount of push-ups in a few months time and work towards it.

Many evening classes are free! My aunt is taking a computer course at the moment. It's completely free, she loves it and she's made lots of friends. Go to your local FAS office or VEC and see what they have on offer!

I'd strongly suggest joining a local charity organization. Working with a charity is rewarding in so many ways. It will keep you busy and you'll make friends as well as helping others in the process. It will also make your CV look even more attractive than it already is.

As for your job prospects - I don't know how best to advise you here. I would like to say you could compromise and find any kind of work to start earning and build a better life for yourself while you look for your dream job but I understand you're not willing to settle. The best you can do is keep applying and hope for the best!

Good Luck!

beks101

Getting a job that doesn't set your world on fire doesn't mean you're a failure. Millions of people do it every day the world over. I know you don't feel mentally equipped to deal with the feelings that such a job could offset, but if you had hobbies and a life outside of work, it would be less of a burden to do something that just pays the bills for a while. That's how people get through it and lead fulfilling lives.

I get where you're coming from, I am motivated similarly. I'm lucky to be doing something that I love, but that too comes at a cost. I'm always busy, always mentally stimulated, always challenged, but always working my life around work and quite constantly cancelling plans to suit my work schedule. I love the work so I invest every part of myself into it; that sometimes leaves me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and it can be hard to keep up the motivation for life, love, hobbies etc outside the office. Having your 'dream job' isn't always all it's cracked up to be and perhaps more to the point, it's just simply not feasible for a large quantity of people in Ireland right now.

And despite what your career counselor said, work experience is what counts. It would look a lot better for you to have a record of working continuously than having gaps of employment on your CV and that's what employers will be most interested in.

The question is simple: what matters more, having a decent quality of living, a few bob to spend on yourself and the freedom of choice that financial security gives to you, or holding out for a job that rocks your world? Hold onto your career goals, don't lose sight of them, and put your mental health first, but don't cut off your nose to spite your face because you have had one bad prior job experience.

On the other stuff...everyone has their own path in life. What's right for all those younger successful people, wouldn't have been right for you at the time. You've come through what was hopefully the darkest place in your life - that's far more of an accomplishment than walking into a job and doing a bit of career-climbing. Your time will come. There'll always be someone smarter or more successful than you - dwelling on them will get you nowhere. Tune them out and focus on your own journey.

Andy!!

I can absolutely relate to that feeling that people way younger than you have achieved stuff that you haven't yet. Find a way to move on from this thought. Nothing constructive can come out of it. Ironically, it is preventing you from achieving anything, and you are getting older by the minute! :pac: Hop to it and get a job and start moving on with things. Good luck!

JoJoK

Hi Op,

You say you were in a dark place, so in replying to your post, I am assuming that you seriously contemplated suicide. Sorry if I'm wrong - maybe ignore this post if I am; However, if that's the case, telling you to take a soul destroying job and get your jollies outside work time just isn't going to help you, is it?

At least you've recently seen that it's not always bad, as you've felt a little better for a while. You need to keep telling yourself that this is a temporary feeling, and that suicide is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem - no kidding, it works as a mantra

As the above posts say, there are things you can do.
You can look for free courses,
you can begin a free exercise programme,
you are very well educated and hold an (honors!) degree so you could tutor those less fortunate, maybe through NALA,
you could join your local library and get involved there,
you can go to your local volunteer centre and find something to do that will ignite your passions! There are trained placement officers there who will be able to work with you to find the right fit for you. Just remember to let them know that your out of pocket expenses will need to be covered - eg: travel, if you need to buy any materials/equipment to carry out a task...

If none of the above appeal, then perhaps you haven't come through your last dark period as well as you think. If you don't have a medical card already, you need to see your GP and tell them how you feel, they'll help you to apply for one, because you might need a bit of medication to help you out of this hole you seem to be stuck in. All GPs understand about low income and you could agree to pay 5 a week after you've seen them. They generally just waive the fee and might have samples of medications they might prescribe. It's taking a long time for medical card applications to be processed, so if you don't have one, ask your GP for a strongly worded letter to accompany your application and ring the call centre every day. Go to medicalcard.ie for the number.

There is an organisation named GROW that might also be of great help to you. There is support out there if you want it. And if you're ever considering killing yourself please ring the Samaritans or Pieta House or any one of those organisations that helps people who are feeling suicidal.

Believe it or not, you've done well to come through your last dark period, and now have an opportunity to learn from it, to consider an alternative before sliding backwards too far. I for one admire the fact that you understand yourself well enough not to take a job you hate, and if that can work for you while you need it to, then why not?

Do please post about how you're getting on. My thoughts are with you

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP - there is a list of useful contacts HERE if you need support or to speak to someone.

All the very best.

JoJoK - while I appreciate you mean well, those who start threads requesting advice here should feel no pressure to post back or keep other posters updated on their situation - to request they do so is against the forum charter.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter prior to posting.

Many thanks.

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