11yr old girl sending inappropriate txts

kerchunky2010

Hi,

My partner has been having trouble with his 11yr old daughter.

The latest is finding sexual txts she has been sending to another 12yr old boy, what she would do to him, when they were going to meet up and discussing who could get the protection.

The phone and laptop has been taken off his daughter and has been grounded. Few serious chats been had also.

Anyone been through the same thing and how did they handle it?

Thanks :rolleyes:

Moonbeam

I think that will encourage her more.
I think he needs to sit down with her and discuss it.
She is 11 a lot of it is talk and hormones and nothing to do with reality.

are you the same person that was complaining about your daughter stealing and lieing if so ouch you got a tough kid on your hands

pacquiao

kerchunky2010 wrote: »

Hi,

My partner has been having trouble with his 11yr old daughter.

The latest is finding sexual txts she has been sending to another 12yr old boy, what she would do to him, when they were going to meet up and discussing who could get the protection.

The phone and laptop has been taken off his daughter and has been grounded. Few serious chats been had also.

Anyone been through the same thing and how did they handle it?

Thanks :rolleyes:

11 has a mobile and a laptop .

Squiggler

Do you have a good relationship with the girl OP?

It sounds like she could do with a good female role model/adviser/confidant. At 11 she should have respect for herself and for her body. This boy is 12, but she could fall victim to older boys, or even predators.

She needs to have someone explain to her the risks that she is taking with her health, her emotional well-being and her reputation.

runawaybishop

Grounded? I'd have her on bread and water for a year. I'd also be round to that young lads parents with her in tow. Get rid of the phone and laptop unless you are in a position to moderate her communication.

First though, you do need to sit down and lay out to her why you have issues with her behaviour.

Ave Sodalis

OP, either you (if you're close to the daughter) or your partner need to sit the daughter down and have a proper chat about it. I think you need to tell her the ins and the outs of sex. Everything from the good points to the risks and make her understand exactly what she's doing. If she is sending sexual messages at the age of 11, the chances are she got the idea from some pornographic source which is the wrong way to go about things.

Don't be biased when you're telling her, just tell her the facts. Don't forget to include the age of consent though, and the consequences of breaking the age of consent.

cynder

sup_dude wrote: »

OP, either you (if you're close to the daughter) or your partner need to sit the daughter down and have a proper chat about it. I think you need to tell her the ins and the outs of sex. Everything from the good points to the risks and make her understand exactly what she's doing. If she is sending sexual messages at the age of 11, the chances are she got the idea from some pornographic source which is the wrong way to go about things.

Don't be biased when you're telling her, just tell her the facts. Don't forget to include the age of consent though, and the consequences of breaking the age of consent.

I put it down to playground talk. My 12 year old is in 6th and they know a lot, about a lot.. We have a good relationship and she likes to inform me of how much she knows. I talk openly with her (to a certain degree) She knows about blow jobs/oral sex, anal sex, regular sex, and all the vulgar terms that come with it. Her old headmaster was done for curb crawling (not too long ago), and all the kids go on about that too. The kids in her class are quite open about sex, but its all giggles and stuff at the moment. They had sex ed week there a month ago, and my daughter told me everything they talked about and everything they saw. I doubt very much the child has been watching porn or looking a pornographic mags. Her peers having been telling her all the info.

What to do with a child that's sending explicit messages, stop her how, by removing the source phones, computers, Internet. Monitor her behavior, ground her, take away all privileges and explain to her the seriousness of her actions, also that underage sex is against the law and the boy will be taken to court if anything did happen. Tell her the consequence of her actions, her reputation and also talk to her about rape, that flirting with someone may send wrong signals and that it can lead to being pressurised into having sex, rape...



And what about the lad? Did he reply to any of the messages? Do his parents know? Should his parents know? If they are discussing protection i think his parents should know.


Good luck with this one...

just hear this song and thought of this thread.

my daughter came in one day after school and asked me if i knew what a 'menage a trios' was, i said 'not a clue' ive never heard the term before. she informed me it was a threesome. that day i found out she knew what a threesome was, shock to the system, if she knows what it is you can bet her class know and where did she here the term menage a trios, katy perry - last friday night.

Daisy M

Deleted User wrote: »

are you the same person that was complaining about your daughter stealing and lieing if so ouch you got a tough kid on your hands

No she is not, remember that was her and her husbands daughter. This is the ops step daughter.

Are you sure it was the girl who sent the texts and not some messer who got hold of her phone this happens a lot.
My daughter is almost 12 and no interest in boys yet. So I was suprised when I saw in her messages on facebook that she was asking a lad out. But when I scrolled down the messages I saw the last one said from her to him that that wasnt her it was her friend. In the messages to her friend her friend told her what she had done, the boy was to the friends cousin so she thought it was funny.

CookieMonster.x

It sounds like she's experimenting and fruit to be older. It might be awkward for her dad to talk to her, if you have a good relationship with her (or if her mother is around), I would suggest talking to her about everything (implications, STIs, teen mothers and their lives etc), horrifying her if possible. Also what about showing her a programme on teen pregnancy? I think there was one on channel 4 once. Preferably one that really shows the horrors of it!
Maybe contact the boys parents as well? I don't know if this would work but maybe bam her from everything (phone etc) and only allow things back one by one after she has earned your trust back. Also I think you should check her phone/facebook/laptop/schoolbooks/pencil case (sending notes in class) at regular intervals.
I don't know if that helped, I know it's a bit all over the place but you need to make her understand before it's too late. Also, if you don't have a brilliant relationship with her don't talk to her about it as it would make her rebel more.

BengaLover

My tuppence worth is that 11 is too young for a phone anyway.
Eliminate the problem by cutting it off at the source.

up for anything

pacquiao wrote: »

11 has a mobile and a laptop .

Welcome to 2012!

Out of phones, laptop/pc, iPod etc, I would imagine most 11 year olds these days either have at least one of them or access to them. It is the world we live in in Ireland. Even the schools assume that every house has a computer and printer.

It's a matter of learning how to live with them. Does her computer have a net nanny type application on it? Has your husband thought about getting a key logger? Is it possible to put such applications on her mobile phone?

Google image genital warts and show her the photographic results - not pretty.

Leelaveela

This really shocked me. I'm not long out of my teens but the change from when I was that age shocks me, I remember we found out that a friend was sending "saucy" texts at age sixteen to her boyfriend and we basically branded her with the scarlet letter. That's beside the point though.
You, her mother, an aunt or some older woman she's somewhat comfortable with (perhaps if she has a cousin in her late teens or something?) need to sit down and have a proper facts of life chat with her: what is involved physically, emotionally (very important to stress difference between relationships and what sex looks like on tv and porn), contraception, possibility of pregnancy/STIs/legally. You need to find out the nature of her relationship with this boy (important to take it seriously even though any adult can see the fleeting nature of a "relationship" between 11 and 12 year old, it could be that she feels very strongly about him).
You need to make it clear to her that she won't be getting the mobile phone back full stop, delete her facebook account and monitor her laptop use closely (maybe she can only use it in the same room with you allowed to take the occasional peek). It sounds extreme but this is an extreme situation. Also, any time she wants to go out/to a friend's/cinema etc you pick her up/drop her off or call parents of the friend to check where she is. Talking to the parents of this boy is essential also. Hope this helps.

Piliger

Deleted User wrote: »

are you the same person that was complaining about your daughter stealing and lieing if so ouch you got a tough kid on your hands

If that is the case then I suspect underlying reasons for all of it. A major adult pow wow is needed and then a serious talk with the young lady to try to find out the underlying cause as to why she is acting out and being so sexual....:o