Stay or go?

LegacyUser

my partner doesnt want me to go back to work when my maternity leave is over and neither do i.i hate my job, ive been off sick in the past due to stress from working in the place and we both believe that a mother should raise their children instead of childcare,if at all possible.i make average money,nothing to write home about.the benefits are good though - health insurance,they contribute to my PRSA,sick pay.but the commute to work costs me alot and childcare will be extremely expensive because i work long days.my partner is unemployed at the minute but he is hopefully going to be taken on in the next few months so him staying at home to mind the child is not an option.i will probably have to go back to work for a few weeks after my maternity leave but then i would like to hand my notice in.the problem is,the mortgage is in my name only,my partner isnt on it.i know for a fact that i can afford the repayments if i give up work and he gets a job but how will the bank look on this?do they not care as long as they get their money?what about mortgage protection,theres no point me payin to protect an income that no longer exists?please hold back on the "why didnt you think of this before you got pregnant" comments.they are not constructive and help no one.im here for help and advice from anyone who can give it not a stern talking to

Midnight Sundance

Are you 100% financially stable for the foreseeable future with two of Ye out of work???

Will Ye be "existing" on one wage or will Ye be able to afford all the extra expense of a child on one wage??

Do you plan on setting up a financial cushion that would provide for your child's future education? Can you do this on no/ one wage??

And how guaranteed Are you that your partner will have a job until your mortgage is paid off??

Its well and good staying at home and taking care of your child but if your husband loses his job and you lose your home, what use is being at home with your child then??

Could you look for alternative employment closer to home? Even less hours? Tbh in this day and age id look long and hard at finances for a good deal ahead before you consider any drastic actions that would cause a change in your monetary situation!'

strandroad

I don't get it - you plan to go on the dole, having a mortgage and a husband on the dole already?...

Why don't you have your husband mind the child until he gets his promised job and then you can give up yours if it doesn't cover your childcare?

Midnight Sundance

mhge wrote: »

Why don't you have your husband mind the child until he gets his promised job and then you can give up yours if it doesn't cover your childcare?

Agreed!!^^^^^^

But to add , I probably would not advise giving up your job unless you are 100% sure his job is stable until the mortgage is paid!!!

Not a lot of jobs are guaranteed for life these days and it's not a good idea to gamble on having a job when a house is at stake.

theg81der

And to add - no guarentee the dole will be there, especially if people have this attitude. No guarentee of himself having a job in a while. I think you need to tough this one out for your childs future OP. Wish I had a job.....

CarMe

Im in a similar situation myself but we're renting. I went back to work because Im more qualified than my partner and he's had a really hard time finding work. He has been looking after our daughter and while i don't love my job, i do love my independence and Im so happy to know that for the first few months of her life she's being looked after by her dad and not a stranger. I couldn't raise my child on benefits when there is a job available to me. Hopefully soon we'll both be working but in the mean time he really is an amazing dad and i know my daughter couldn't be in better hands. Im sure your husband will find work but times are really tough out there so don't be too distressed if he hasn't found something by the time you return to work. I know it's hard leaving your baby but i think you'd be mad to throw away a job at the moment. Congratulations on the baby by the way!

LegacyUser

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

Will Ye be "existing" on one wage or will Ye be able to afford all the extra expense of a child on one wage??

we would definately not be "existing" on one wage.through rough calculations we would be far better off if he works and i stay at home than we would be with both of us working.we would even actually be better off if the 2 of us were on the dole than if we both work but i definately do not want that.the commute i have to make costs a few hundred in fuel every month and moving closer to my job is not an option as rent/house prices are double what they are here so it would just wipe out any savings on fuel.plus he would have to commute the other way thus adding to costs.he doesn't even need a car to get to where he will be employed.

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

Do you plan on setting up a financial cushion that would provide for your child's future education? Can you do this on no/ one wage??

And how guaranteed Are you that your partner will have a job until your mortgage is paid off??

Its well and good staying at home and taking care of your child but if your husband loses his job and you lose your home, what use is being at home with your child then??

we are not guarenteed that he will be employed that long but the mortgage repayments are lower than the rent of a 2 bed apartment here.also,this is not long term.this is only until the child can start preschool,about 3 years.i dont plan on staying off work any longer than that.

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

Could you look for alternative employment closer to home? Even less hours? Tbh in this day and age id look long and hard at finances for a good deal ahead before you consider any drastic actions that would cause a change in your monetary situation!'

my employers dont cater for their employees at all.i was once pressured into cancelling a doctors appointment to work overtime that turned out to be a waste of everyones time in the end.if it was a possibility it would solve everything.a part time job where i am would be absolutely ideal but its a small town and the chances of that happening are slim to none.my partner has a qualification where as i dont.his future is alot brighter than mine which is why i also think he is better off working and gaining valuable experience in a growing sector instead of me going to a dead end job with no job security and where i get treated like dirt.

mhge wrote: »

I don't get it - you plan to go on the dole, having a mortgage and a husband on the dole already?...

Why don't you have your husband mind the child until he gets his promised job and then you can give up yours if it doesn't cover your childcare?

thats the point. he will be getting employment in a few months. im not due for another 4 months and wont be due back to work til around January next year.my job wont cover the commuting expenses and childcare regardless of what situation my partner is in.

theg81der

So if he will have the job by the time your suppose to return to work the whats the problem? Wait till then and you can act accordingly - why would you do anything now? I`m due the same time as you and a month later I have to go back to college to improve my prospects so I can get a job - so forgive me if I don`t have alot of sympathy for someone who has one. I`d love to stay with my baby too, lifes not like that you can`t have everything. You seem to think you`ll get a job in a few years no problem and your partners job will be secure - you have absolutely no guarentee of that at all.

dearg lady

As other have said, wait until the time comes to make the decision, don't go making any decisions now. You'll have maternity leave after the baby comes, if your partner finds work during this time and you will be financially better off if you stay at home while he works it seems like a no brainer.
If you are receiving extra maternity benefits from your employer however, they may have to repaid if you leave immediately after maternity leave, look into this.
The bank won't be able to force you to stay in a job just because the mortgage is in your name, once it's paid, they are happy.
May I ask why it's only in your name? Is the house itself only in your name too? Just wondering if you could be left high and dry if something were to happen between you and your partner.

Daisy M

I agree that it makes no sense to give up your job until your partner gets a job which is permanent and pays enough to support yoou all.

I think the issue you need to try and sort here is your job. Why are you stressed. are you working more than a 39 hr week? You need to speak to someone in HR or management so you dont feel under pressure. Start fixing the work issue and things will become more clear in your head.

QuiteInterestin

Not much new to add to the thread, just as everyone else has said, don't make the decision until you have to. If you're not due for another 4 months, then you shouldn't be due back to work until January 2013. You are also entitled to take another 16 weeks (unpaid) additional maternity leave as well as the annual leave you have accrued while on maternity leave. Hence, once you take your maternity leave, it could be up to May/June 2013 before you have to return to work. At that point, your partner will hopefully be working a full year and you will have a far better idea of what ye're long term job/financial situations are going to be, and you should be in a better position to make this decision.

You don't know how things are going to work out, your partners job may not work out in the long term so don't rush into making a decision you might regret. Keep all of your options open for as long as you can

Neyite

I can understand your dilema - I am due to go on maternity leave in about 2 months and as I had a stay at home mum (and dad -farming) I loved that about my childhood, and would dearly love to give my children the same. My partner feels the same way having come from a similar background. But, unless he gets a chunky pay rise in the forseeable future its likely that I will have to return to work at least part time.

I already know that my job wont give me part time hours, and since its not in a field I am studying anyway, I will be looking for something more suitable towards the end of my maternity leave.

What I am planning to do is to take my maternity leave (you dont need to inform them until a month before if you decide to take unpaid 16 weeks /hand in your notice) and see how the land lies in 6 -8 months time.

By that stage, your partner will have completed his probationary period in his new job, and you may find that your circumstances and oppertuinities are different by then. Gather information now regarding your mortgage etc by all means but dont stress about this just yet - enjoy your pregnancy and your baby, then revisit it in a few months time when you have all your facts and figures to make an informed decision.