Bedroom worries...

LegacyUser

Hi all, theres something bothering me that I would love a bit of advice on.

I've always been a person that lacked confidence, self worth etc and its led me to a point in my mid 20's where I remain a virgin, however my question isnt about that, thats merely background. My problem stems from the fact that when I did start seeing someone (early last year) I was never able to perform, pretty much the one issue that I assumed I wouldnt have after waiting so long. That relationship subsequently ended a few months later unconsummated.

The problem now is as ive started to flirt with new girls Im more terrified then ever of going to bed with them because I will have no experience, no ability and no confidence that my body will even do its job. So I've been thinking lately that I should maybe get a viagra pill should I ever need it? but then the flipside of that is I dont like the idea of taking medication for something I should have no problem with at my age, and also what would the girl think of me if I was slipping into the bathroom to drug myself beforehand...

Im pretty terrified to be honest because I'm well passed the stage that I should be ignorant or inexperienced in this area and as polite (I'm sure) as most girls would be about it theres no way they wouldnt think I was a complete oddball at my age. This is, of course, all compounded by the fact that the girls in question are in similarish groups so my inability might reach my friends.

Apologies for the lack of structure there but any thoughts would be great.

Beruthiel

BedroomIssues wrote: »

Im more terrified then ever of going to bed with them because I will have no experience, no ability and no confidence that my body will even do its job.

If you continue thinking like the above then it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill. So stop it.

What to do:
Relax.
When next you find yourself a g/f, get to know her.
Spend some weeks getting comfortable in her presence.
When you are, tell her the truth.
Tell her you are a virgin and are nervous.
She will be honoured that you have picked her as your first.
Then, take your time and don't rush it. Ask her to help you.

Lorna123

BedroomIssues wrote: »

Hi all, theres something bothering me that I would love a bit of advice on.

I've always been a person that lacked confidence, self worth etc and its led me to a point in my mid 20's where I remain a virgin, however my question isnt about that, thats merely background. My problem stems from the fact that when I did start seeing someone (early last year) I was never able to perform, pretty much the one issue that I assumed I wouldnt have after waiting so long. That relationship subsequently ended a few months later unconsummated.

The problem now is as ive started to flirt with new girls Im more terrified then ever of going to bed with them because I will have no experience, no ability and no confidence that my body will even do its job. So I've been thinking lately that I should maybe get a viagra pill should I ever need it? but then the flipside of that is I dont like the idea of taking medication for something I should have no problem with at my age, and also what would the girl think of me if I was slipping into the bathroom to drug myself beforehand...

Im pretty terrified to be honest because I'm well passed the stage that I should be ignorant or inexperienced in this area and as polite (I'm sure) as most girls would be about it theres no way they wouldnt think I was a complete oddball at my age. This is, of course, all compounded by the fact that the girls in question are in similarish groups so my inability might reach my friends.

Apologies for the lack of structure there but any thoughts would be great.

Don't worry too much about this. The problem is that you are worrying too much. If only you knew how often this happens to men and is not unusual at all. Forget about the Viagra, most girls do not talk about intimate things the way some men do so rest assured if it happens to you your secret will be safe. It is all part and parcel of having sex not to be able to perform by times. Admit you are a bit nervous if you like and just take your time until things come naturally.

LegacyUser

Thanks a million to both of you. Youre absolutely right of course but its very difficult not to overthink this scenario, particularly in regard to the girl's reaction. I have been thinking that I might try and bluff it, better she think Im crap then a virgin, but its probably better to just do what you suggest Beruthiel and come out with it.

All things going well it'll be nice to be a normal human being for the first time in my life.

zxcvbnm1

BedroomIssues wrote: »

Thanks a million to both of you. Youre absolutely right of course but its very difficult not to overthink this scenario, particularly in regard to the girl's reaction. I have been thinking that I might try and bluff it, better she think Im crap then a virgin, but its probably better to just do what you suggest Beruthiel and come out with it.

All things going well it'll be nice to be a normal human being for the first time in my life.

I would disagree. I would definitely say go down the Viagra route.
And I'd also suggest taking Viagra alone first just so you know how much you need, how long it takes for the effect to kick in.

Your main problem here is anxiety due to lack of confidence.
If you can buy that confidence in a pill then why not?

I know I do and I'm not much older and it does the trick for me.
You normally have to take it about 30 mind beforehand.

Once you get more confident then you will relax and won't need it anymore.

And as for this telling the girl you're a virgin and she will be honoured that you chose her?
Personally I wouldn't go down that route at all.

Tell her you've shagged a few if she asks and get the viagra out.
And by the way - obviously don't tell the girl you're taking the Viagra

Dravokivich

BedroomIssues wrote: »

better she think Im crap then a virgin,

Used to have a similar hangup myself. Only way to get over it is by doing it. If there's any uncertainties on what to do there's a few free kindle books on Amazon you can download with their kindle app on PC / Android / iPhone which should give you a few idea's of what to do.

Lorna123

Don't forget that there are side effects when taking Viagra longterm. Make sure you discuss all this with you GP before you take it.

fungun

better she think Im crap then a virgin

It will be a very small number of girls who are interested in a relationship who would be put off by a guy who is a virgin. This is all part of your worry/stress which is at the root of the problem. Relax, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of and I wouldnt try to hide it from a girl you trust

R.D. aka MR.D

I think it would be better if she knew you were a virgin because at least then she would know the reason you are having problems. A lot of times when men are having these problems girls blame themselves for not being attractive enough or whatever.

But the main thing op is just to relax and let things happen naturally. Make sure you get to know the girl well before you have sex and this will help you be more comfortable.

Best of luck x

zxcvbnm1

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

But the main thing op is just to relax and let things happen naturally. Make sure you get to know the girl well before you have sex and this will help you be more comfortable.

Best of luck x

To be honest I am not sure I would agree with having to get to know the girl very well first.

If that's the way it pans out then all well and good. But there's nothing wrong with having sex with someone you don't know all that well either.

As in - if you've met a girl a couple of times and think she's alright then no need to wait another 6 months greeting to know her properly.
Sometimes it's better to jump in. I also feel it will get a monkey off your back which is no bad thing for someone's confidence.

My genuine advice would be - and I am not saying this in a flippant manner - go out and have a good dew drinks with her to relax and pop some Viagra if you think something will happen.

It really does work very effectively so it should take all that anxiety out of it for you.

lace

OP, you should be very careful when considering Viagra. There are risks associated with every medicine but, as you are considering using it the first time you have sex, I think you need to consider it even more carefully. Yes, you could use it and, yes, it might work but will it really solve the problem? If you start taking it you may begin to believe you can't have sex without it and may find it difficult to stop.

It sounds like it could just be a case of nerves built up through your worries about being a virgin and your fear of not being able to perform. Stress and anxiety are major players in sexual performance and I think this is what you should tackle first.

Next time you are with a girl, get to know her well and take it slowly. When you feel comfortable enough, tell her you are a virgin and you're a little nervous. Any woman worth her salt won't mind and certainly won't be put off! The first time you go for it try to relax and unwind first, have a nice meal and a glass of wine, cuddle on the sofa etc.

If the problem persists, the best thing to do is go and have a chat with your doctor.

zxcvbnm1

lace wrote: »

OP, you should be very careful when considering Viagra. There are risks associated with every medicine but, as you are considering using it the first time you have sex, I think you need to consider it even more carefully. Yes, you could use it and, yes, it might work but will it really solve the problem?

Yes - I believe it will. I think the main problem here is the op is suffering from anxiety due to the pressure of the situation.

If the op can go into the situation knowing full well he will not have any performance issues then that will doubtlessly relieve the anxiety.

It's the obvious solution. And no - people do not get addicted to Viagra in the manner you suggest. Once the op gets more confidence the anxiety will subside resulting in no longer requiring the Viagra.

Op - I use it myself and it does the trick !

LegacyUser

Hey all, thanks for all the advice. Im actually going out with a girl tonight, so by sheer coincidence I've timed this thread very well.

Im going to try and keep all your advice in mind and just try and be comfortable with myself. Should (and I mean this entirely hypothetically because I dont want to sound like im getting ahead of myself) but should anything happen I might have to just be honest because as others have said, if she wasnt fine with my history (or lack thereof) Its probably best to know now. As for the medication route I dont have any so I guess thats my decision made for me on that front

Ultimately this could go either way but im hoping that the fact im getting out there and trying might mean that ill gradually start to feel a little more comfortable in these kinds of scenarios.

Friel

Don't worry man, you'll be grand. Just try not to think about why you're worried, and concentrate on the girl that's in front of you. Once you get going, the worry will hopefully leave you and your confidence will grow immensely. You'll feel on top of the world after it.

Remember, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. Tell her, she won't mind. If she does, she ain't worth tappin anyway.

LegacyUser

Hi all, op here. apologies for bumping this but I just wanted to give a little update.

I mentioned previously that by sheer coincidence I starting seeing this girl just after making this thread. After a few dates in town I went back to her place last night where she was having a bit of a party for her roommates birthday and ended up staying the night with her. We didnt do anything major but later, while we were kissing, I stopped her and told her the truth, to which she effectively replied "so what?, why would you think that was a big deal?". These are probably the best words that have ever been said to me, not merely because she was fine with my lack of experience but because she thought this was a ridiculous thing to be worried about in the first place!

Ive been over the moon all day and even though Ive had girlfriends in the past, Ive sadly never felt much for them, this girl on the other hand... well, I really like her, a novel and amazing experience for me.

I basically just wanted to come on and say thanks to everyone for their help. Though it was only a few minutes of your time, it was indescribably beneficial to me.

Thanks again everyone, and keep up the great work!

A very happy OP!

Ickle Magoo

Glad it had a happy ending, OP.

I'll lock this thread now that your issue has been resolved.

All the very best. :cool: