What do I do about a guy who I have major feelings for and who hangs out in my group

LegacyUser

I have already posted something like this in ladies lounge but just want to get some advice/a good kick!
I have known this guy for about a year and a half through friends. When I first met him I thought he was lovely but didn't fancy him. As time went on we would wind up spending lots of time together on nights out, chatting, having drinks together but never kissed. This went on over maybe 2 or 3 months and 4 nights and then one night he made the moves.
I was delighted we kissed as I had grown to really like him and we kissed twice more in the space of a few months. My friends kept saying he was really shy and would probably text when he got the courage to do so. The third time we kissed, another month or so later he asked for my number and I gave it to him but he never got in contact.

I was disappointed he never got in contact as he gave all the signs that he liked me, would come up and chat to me in front of everyone etc etc. I had told myself that he had his chance and ruined it so in my own head I wasn't going to kiss him again. Low and behold that didn't happen and I kissed him one night while very drunk as in my drunken thoughts I thought it didn't bother me that he didn't text me. That night we slept in the same bed with others in the room. Nothing happened except kissing again and we were chatting for about 5 hours getting on really well. I didn't fool myself and knew he probably wouldn't text after that either.

Three weeks ago was the 1st time I saw him since. He went on to tell me about this girl he lived with in college and how something tragic happened her and he was in bits. I think he scored her a few times over the past few years. I know what happened is true as I had heard my friends talking about it early on in the night. He went from saying something about her to then saying he shouldn't be telling me because he really liked me and it wasn't fair. I didn't have the heart to tell him if he liked me he would have texted me when he had my number as I knew he was feeling down. Maybe it was a cop out but I thought it would be selfish of me to say that when he was so upset over what happened. So twice he tried to kiss me and I refused and said I couldn't kiss him while he was in bits over another girl. He told me a few more times he really liked me then we parted ways.

Just clueless now about the whole thing. Maybe I need someone to tell me he clearly doesn't give a sh** but I have been in bits over him for the past few weeks. I felt so jealous when he spoke of the other girl so highly. I will be seeing him again maybe next month as our friends and his friends meet up every so often. Do I just play it completely cool with him? Or should I just confess my feelings and see what he says? I know from the way he hasn't got in contact with me, he obviously doesn't have feelings but in every encounter I have had with him he seemed to really like me which is something my own friends have said too. Any wisdom or advice would be great.

I am a friend

Its very hard to know. I would just park it and see what he is like in a months time but dont sit around waiting for him either. he has your number and for whatever reason he didnt use it.. We can never know why but the best thing is to keep your life moving on and see what happens next time you see him.

Herrick

He kinda reminds me of myself in my younger days

I would have really liked girls in the past and got into situations like you and he have OP. I'd end up kissing them different nights, but I was very shy and didnt have the confidence to text them outside of a night out type of set-up

I used (kinda still do:() overthink things a lot. You know, I'd be afraid maybe they only got with me cause they were drunk, etc.

All I'm saying is perhaps he is actually shy, even though you have kissed and that, cause I've been that type in the past.

You say he told you he really likes you. Have you ever actually told him you like him a lot too? If he is like I think, he might have been hoping you might say it back. He may be worried that the kissing is just a bit of fun to you and if he asked you out he might get rejected and be embarrassed. I'm fully awarre the kissing and you giving him your number should have been enough, but as I said some of us fellas can be very thick

You might have to take the bull by the horns on this one OP if you like him. Although maybe give it a bit of time considering he is upset over whatever happened to this other girl.

beks101

Hi OP,

I'd usually be in the 'if he likes you he'll call' camp, but maybe as the above poster mentioned he's shy and uncertain about the whole thing.

Maybe because you're both in the same group of friends, he's afraid of falling flat on his face and still having to see you around and the social awkwardness that could cause.

Who knows. If it was me, I'd take the initiative and text him first and see what happens. If he's unresponsive, there's your answer.

Lorna123

oceans12 wrote: »

I have already posted something like this in ladies lounge but just want to get some advice/a good kick!
I have known this guy for about a year and a half through friends. When I first met him I thought he was lovely but didn't fancy him. As time went on we would wind up spending lots of time together on nights out, chatting, having drinks together but never kissed. This went on over maybe 2 or 3 months and 4 nights and then one night he made the moves.
I was delighted we kissed as I had grown to really like him and we kissed twice more in the space of a few months. My friends kept saying he was really shy and would probably text when he got the courage to do so. The third time we kissed, another month or so later he asked for my number and I gave it to him but he never got in contact.

I was disappointed he never got in contact as he gave all the signs that he liked me, would come up and chat to me in front of everyone etc etc. I had told myself that he had his chance and ruined it so in my own head I wasn't going to kiss him again. Low and behold that didn't happen and I kissed him one night while very drunk as in my drunken thoughts I thought it didn't bother me that he didn't text me. That night we slept in the same bed with others in the room. Nothing happened except kissing again and we were chatting for about 5 hours getting on really well. I didn't fool myself and knew he probably wouldn't text after that either.

Three weeks ago was the 1st time I saw him since. He went on to tell me about this girl he lived with in college and how something tragic happened her and he was in bits. I think he scored her a few times over the past few years. I know what happened is true as I had heard my friends talking about it early on in the night. He went from saying something about her to then saying he shouldn't be telling me because he really liked me and it wasn't fair. I didn't have the heart to tell him if he liked me he would have texted me when he had my number as I knew he was feeling down. Maybe it was a cop out but I thought it would be selfish of me to say that when he was so upset over what happened. So twice he tried to kiss me and I refused and said I couldn't kiss him while he was in bits over another girl. He told me a few more times he really liked me then we parted ways.

Just clueless now about the whole thing. Maybe I need someone to tell me he clearly doesn't give a sh** but I have been in bits over him for the past few weeks. I felt so jealous when he spoke of the other girl so highly. I will be seeing him again maybe next month as our friends and his friends meet up every so often. Do I just play it completely cool with him? Or should I just confess my feelings and see what he says? I know from the way he hasn't got in contact with me, he obviously doesn't have feelings but in every encounter I have had with him he seemed to really like me which is something my own friends have said too. Any wisdom or advice would be great.

Texting is ideal for shy people and nobody is that shy that they would be afraid to text. He asked for your number, you gave it to him, and then he never phoned. If he was really into you why would he do that. I really think that if he liked you he would not be letting another girl's problems come between you. He may say he likes you and I am sure he probably does, but not in the way you would like.

Do not confess your feelings for him, that is the worst thing you could do in this situation. The man knows how you feel and he is not acting on it. Don't buy the line from your friends that he is really shy, he is not that shy that he can't tell you he likes you. He tells you this and then doesn't act on it. There is something radically wrong with this situation and my gut instinct on what you have told us is that this man is amusing himself with you but he is definitely not into you and I would not waste any more time on him. I am sorry to be so blunt but bluntness is what you asked for and I woudn't waste any more time dreaming about this man. If he was into you you would know it and you wouldn't be wondering.

robman60

I'm definitely with Herrick on this one.

Many people are just too shy to send that text, and I believe he is one of those people. He was probably hoping things would progress in the night out set-up, as he may have thought this would avoid having to fear rejection from you.

I really think you should tell him how you feel the next time the two of you are out together, as it's important to remember you didn't get in contact with him either. You're equally responsible for that.

If I were you, I'd talk to him about how you feel. He told you recently, so now it's your turn.

LegacyUser

Thank for all the replies. I forgot to mention that I did tell him I liked him back when he got embarrassed about telling me what happened to the other girl. When I did he just went to kiss me and I said I couldn't kiss him when he was upset over what happened her.

It's just such a strange situation. I'm nearly 26 years old and I've been around long enough to know the signs that a guy is into you and he shows every single one of these signs except picking up the phone and getting in contact. I don't think I will ever get the courage to text him first, I have done it too many times for it all to end in tears so not going to risk it again. After that I don't have a clue what to do. I don't think I have felt like this about a guy in years but I guess if he is not calling or texting me, despite being clear on telling him I liked him, he is just not interested.

Jen Pigs Fly

Are you certain he's single?

Sounds to me like he has a girlfriend hidden somewhere who he's cheating on, would explain why he wouldn't text you, yet will be all over you when he sees you on a nightout.

LegacyUser

No, he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend as his best friend is going out with a friend of mine and he would know and they see each other a lot so doubt he would be able to hide it from him.

Lorna123

oceans12 wrote: »

Thank for all the replies. I forgot to mention that I did tell him I liked him back when he got embarrassed about telling me what happened to the other girl. When I did he just went to kiss me and I said I couldn't kiss him when he was upset over what happened her.

It's just such a strange situation. I'm nearly 26 years old and I've been around long enough to know the signs that a guy is into you and he shows every single one of these signs except picking up the phone and getting in contact. I don't think I will ever get the courage to text him first, I have done it too many times for it all to end in tears so not going to risk it again. After that I don't have a clue what to do. I don't think I have felt like this about a guy in years but I guess if he is not calling or texting me, despite being clear on telling him I liked him, he is just not interested.

You are right to think this guy is not interested because I just feel that if he was he would want to date you. I don't buy him being too shy to ask you. He has had all the right signals from you. He knows you are interested in him but he has chosen not to act on it. He doesn't want to get involved.

LegacyUser

I agree with the advice that he's shy OP, and probably a bit rattled over the tragedy with his friend. You've done the right thing by telling him that you can't be with him while he's upset about his friend.