Head-wrecking guy: texts but won't meet up!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This is wrecking my head. I'd love some opinions.

So I set up an online dating account a while ago, and have been texting one particular guy, who I met up with about a month ago.

It was a good date, conversation flowed, I found him attractive, we both drank a little too much and things got physical. I thought after that, that I'd probably not hear from him, but lo and behold about five days later he starts texting again.

My problem is, we've basically been over and back, over and back texting every day, with no second date at all ever since. It's beyond frustrating and it's not for lack of trying on my part either.

He always texts me first and I can almost predict the texts every day. It's flirty banter, lots of joking and lots of suggestive comments etc.

I tried to set up a second date about two weeks ago, we were all set to meet up on a Sunday evening, then about 30 minutes before he texts and says he's really sorry, but he's got an emergency with a friend who needs his help, can we re-schedule.

I was disappointed but grand, these things happen, and he was very apologetic. So the texting starts again and I cheekily joke that he 'owes me a date', so he suggests Sunday (yesterday). This was set up mid-week, about Wednesday last week. We both agree on a time, text for a bit, then I don't hear from him for a few days and shortly before I finished work yesterday, I dropped him a text asking if he was still up for meeting up. Nothing for about 30 minutes, at which stage I decided to just head home, and then I get 'just finished playing soccer, will be back in town in an hour or two' (at which stage it would be about 11.30pm on a Sunday night). So he basically 'shunned' the date to play soccer, without even the courtesy of telling me?? I was kind of pissed off as I just think this is rude, and didn't bother writing back.

Then, as predicted, he's back on course today. My phone beeped about a half an hour ago. I'm torn between writing back and asking for an explanation, and just ignoring and deleting it.

What do you guys think? Is this sort of assing around and time-wasting common in the world of online dating? I'm a relative newbie and actually deleted my account shortly after I swapped numbers with this guy, I just got a little overwhelmed by all the messages and things got busy at work. I do like this guy, I was really looking forward to meeting up again, but is this a really bad sign - should I just cut my losses? Is he just looking for some sort of pen pal?

IrishEyes19

whatsupwiththisdude? wrote: »

Hi guys,

This is wrecking my head. I'd love some opinions.

So I set up an online dating account a while ago, and have been texting one particular guy, who I met up with about a month ago.

It was a good date, conversation flowed, I found him attractive, we both drank a little too much and things got physical. I thought after that, that I'd probably not hear from him, but lo and behold about five days later he starts texting again.

My problem is, we've basically been over and back, over and back texting every day, with no second date at all ever since. It's beyond frustrating and it's not for lack of trying on my part either.

He always texts me first and I can almost predict the texts every day. It's flirty banter, lots of joking and lots of suggestive comments etc.

I tried to set up a second date about two weeks ago, we were all set to meet up on a Sunday evening, then about 30 minutes before he texts and says he's really sorry, but he's got an emergency with a friend who needs his help, can we re-schedule.

I was disappointed but grand, these things happen, and he was very apologetic. So the texting starts again and I cheekily joke that he 'owes me a date', so he suggests Sunday (yesterday). This was set up mid-week, about Wednesday last week. We both agree on a time, text for a bit, then I don't hear from him for a few days and shortly before I finished work yesterday, I dropped him a text asking if he was still up for meeting up. Nothing for about 30 minutes, at which stage I decided to just head home, and then I get 'just finished playing soccer, will be back in town in an hour or two' (at which stage it would be about 11.30pm on a Sunday night). So he basically 'shunned' the date to play soccer, without even the courtesy of telling me?? I was kind of pissed off as I just think this is rude, and didn't bother writing back.

Then, as predicted, he's back on course today. My phone beeped about a half an hour ago. I'm torn between writing back and asking for an explanation, and just ignoring and deleting it.

What do you guys think? Is this sort of assing around and time-wasting common in the world of online dating? I'm a relative newbie and actually deleted my account shortly after I swapped numbers with this guy, I just got a little overwhelmed by all the messages and things got busy at work. I do like this guy, I was really looking forward to meeting up again, but is this a really bad sign - should I just cut my losses? Is he just looking for some sort of pen pal?

he sounds like a headwrecker, OP, I wouldn't waste anymore time with him

Magenta

I would cut my losses if I were you.

It looks to me like the texts etc are just to keep you sweet until he decides to meet up at a time that suits HIM (a man who is looking for a date at 11.30 in the evening probably is just looking for one thing.)

Chucky the tree

Either ignore it or just tell him to **** off and never text you again. He's not interested in you.

Juicyfruit

Any possibility he has a girlfriend OP?

Lorna123

Get rid of him OP. In fact just ignore him. Don't reply to any more texts and don't ask him for any explanation. No explanation would justify his behaviour. If he was interested in you he would have dated you long ago and to have cancelled 2 dates, well .....that says it all. He is not interested and quit now while you are ahead. He is only texting you to boost his own ego. Every time he gets a positive message back from you he feels he can have you any time he wishes. Don't text back anymore, no matter whether he asks where you are or not. Don't let your mind play tricks on you that this guy is genuine, he is not. And above all, don't pour your heart out and let him know why you are not texting him anymore, just IGNORE him.

stargazer 68

Op I have had the same thing happen several times. Delete his number and dont play his games. If he wanted to see you he would make the effort. Move on and find someone worth your time.

I am a friend

Dont give him the pleasure of getting a response from you. chances are he has a gf/ is married...

ilovesleep

Posters above had great advice especially Lorna123.

This man is not interested and is stringing you along for his own ego. He is feeling great satisfaction out from this no doubt, probably due to the past. Lose any hope and interest in that man now.

Ignore the man and don't even tell him why. He'll get a dent in his ego when you don't respond and when that happens no doubt he will send you another text on the lines of 'So how about that date'. That will be another game just to see if you go back to him, and he'll set you up just to let you down again.

newbee22

Do not reply to him OP, he just sounds like he is passing time by texting. You deserve better!

kylith

He's trying to keep you sweet for future dalliances. Text him back and tell him that you've had a better offer.

fits

I would imagine that he has a girlfriend or is married. Dont bother texting him. Ignore, delete and move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys.

So the curiosity was killing me and I texted him asking 'what happened last night?' And I get back a 'what do you mean?' It seems like he completely forgot, which is so bizarre to me. He was all 'I texted you telling you I had soccer last night and would be back by 11?'

Mind-boggling. It had occurred to me that maybe he's not single, but then he had a fairly open profile on the dating site, several pictures up etc, and I went back to his place on that first date and there was no trace of a girlfriend, seemed like a typical bachelor pad. But then who knows?

Anyways I basically think this guy is getting a kick out of texting me for whatever reason, probably the ego boost that he gets out of it, so I basically told him not to text me unless he's interested in actually meeting up. I think the basic fact that I'M the one having to chase these dates says it all, any guy even remotely interested would surely have taken the initiative by now.

So yeah. Not holding out much hope for this one. Thanks for the feedback again. Another one bites the dust!!

Midnight Sundance

I think you answered your own question by having to ask the question in the first place.

I have been where you are and hung on and made excuses and eventually i got tired of it. I've also been with guys that make the effort and once you meet someone like that you will wonder how you ever put up with childish behaviour before!!!

Forget him, if he really likes you he will jump through hoops to meet up again. If he doesn't then question answered!
Move on and best of luck

ilovesleep

Where do some people get off behaving in such an appalling, disgusting and dispicable manner with an absolute disregard towards another individual?

That man needs his ego brought down a notch or two or ten.

I am a friend

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

I've also been with guys that make the effort and once you meet someone like that you will wonder how you ever put up with childish behaviour before!!!

Yeah I agree and in my many moons on this planet what I have always founf with regard dating is that if you have to go chasing someone to meet up then they dont really want to...

Dont text him again OP. delete his no and move on.. I wouldnt even meet him at this stage if he asked.