What should I pay for

colly10

I was asked to be best man at a wedding later on in the year. We're heading away for the stag, I'd say they'll be about 15 of us.

Just wondering what it would be normal for the best man to cover because I have alot of expenses myself later this year.

1. Does the best man normally cover the entire cost of grooms stag including flights or just the hotel or is it the norm to cover any?
2. Is it reasonable/normal to split the cost of the grooms flight between the 15 or so going?
3. Is there anything else I should budget for that I'm not aware of?

Thanks

whatdoicare

colly10 wrote: »

I was asked to be best man at a wedding later on in the year. We're heading away for the stag, I'd say they'll be about 15 of us.

Just wondering what it would be normal for the best man to cover because I have alot of expenses myself later this year.

1. Does the best man normally cover the entire cost of grooms stag including flights or just the hotel or is it the norm to cover any?
2. Is it reasonable/normal to split the cost of the grooms flight between the 15 or so going?
3. Is there anything else I should budget for that I'm not aware of?

Thanks

You split the bill between the people going for drinks, taxis, night out - it wouldn't be fair that you pay for it all.
Not sure about flights etc but when my husband went away on his stag he wouldn't let anyone pay for his flight or hotel.
Maybe sit down with the groom or failing that the rest of the gang and work out costs between you and see what yr budget will be to work with and work around that.
Don't put yourself in debt is the rule of thumb - if it's looking to be too expensive for everyone then rethink the going away part or see can ye get a deal with lastminute.com or one of those type sites.

Also huge thing to remember - get all money up front before booking - I know people got stuck by people cancelling at the last minute!!

Dostoevsky

I'd imagine that everybody pays for themselves. I wouldn't expect my best man, or anybody else in the group, to pay for me.

Email the rest of the potential attendees with options, including prices of everything including alcohol, and let them decide. When there's consensus on a destination, they book their own flights and hotel rooms, and confirm with you when done.

You shouldn't have to pay for anybody but yourself.

Cellygirl

Everyone pays for themselves generally.

Particularly if it's a stag abroad. Nobody would expect you to pay for the groom's flight and hotel.

Sometimes for the dinner bit, everyone on the stag chips in and the groom gets his dinner for free. That'd be a nice gesture and between 15 of you it wouldn't cost a lot.

Then generally each guy on the stag would buy the groom a pint or two. Though usually just the one if there's a big group of you. Otherwise he'd be plastered - though that's probably the point come to think of it!!

Apart from that though, it's each man for himself.

My husband only went to the dogs in Dublin for his stag and he paid for his own ticket in and his own meal. Everyone bought him a drink for the night, that was the only extra cost on the people attending.

In your case as best man OP, I'd say organise to split the cost of the groom's dinner and buy him a few pints and that'll be enough. No need for you to pay for flights or hotels.

colly10

Thanks, I just seen on another thread that people were talking about it like it was standard, maybe it isn't the norm. Suppose i'll see what money's like around the time and chip in a bit if I can and I might try get the crowd going to chip in for the hotel or something.
I just know he's struggling in a big way at the mo, I am a bit myself with the things coming up but i'll try to help a bit. Just glad to know it's not the standard though

paulbok

As mentioned above, there are no standard rules for this. From my experience of being on stags, we all chipped in an extra €10 which covered the grooms hotel for 2 nights and his dinner one one of the nights. He paid his own way after that.
almost all stags were in Ireland no flights were never an issue.
One thing he will appreciate is not having to drive to wherever the stag is, nothing worse that having to drive back to home after a heavy weekend.;)

Balmed Out

The only time ive ever heard of the groom being paid for is on this site but then where Im from the bridal party pay for their own room so maybe their both Dublin things.
Must have been on a dozen stags at this stage and you would always buy the groom a drink but thats it.

robinph

Every man for himself.

If that doesn't work then rethink where you are going. Stag would get lots of beers and probably some food out of it, but if anyone is actually paying attention to who has paid for what and how much at that stage then something has gone wrong with the stage of beer drinking that you are at.

the_syco

The best man organises the trip, but everyone pays their own way. Everyone pays up front so if someone cancels at the last minute you're not left out of pocket.

Find out from the groom who the penny pinchers are, and who doesn't pay their rounds, as these people generally try to get out of paying; if you want to be subtle, ask the groom for funny stories of whose coming, as the penny pinchers will have stories about them usually.

howyanow

op,as a former best man,you are not expected to be out of pocket yourself for any part of the stag weekend.get an email list organised of who's going.ask the groom if there is anywhere in particular he'd like to go,any activities he'd like to do.then send a few suggestions to your mates but only send maybe 2 or 3 options as you may never all agree and people will moan.you may need yourself to put down the deposit for accommadation,remember if theres damage caused to rented house/apt you will lose deposit yourself,remind the travelling party of this.if you are sending out the cost of the trip to people,always add ten or twenty euro to the cost just in case there are any errors made in calculation then if it comes in under budget you can either give the cash back on the weekend or buy cases of beer for bus journey etc.
if you are unsure about anything then just ask your mates,its supposed to be a group event so dont put yourself under to much pressure.
you can pm me and ill let you know what we did.

lazygal

My husband paid his own way on his stag. Now it wasn't a fancy affair, dinner in a place where the most expensive dish was €20 and a few pints in the pub next door, but everyone paid for themselves. I presume the lads got in a few rounds for him but he made it clear that they weren't to feel any obligation to pay for him. His brother was his best man and he had a word with him before the night to make sure he didn't feel under any pressure to pay for anything but his own food and drink.

seamus

In my experience, the entire group covers the cost of the groom's stag, but it really depends on the stag and what you're doing.

If you've 20 guys going away and the total cost of the stag is €200 per person, then asking each person for an extra tenner to cover the groom won't break the bank. But if you're spending €300 each and there's only 6 of you, then covering the groom's costs isn't going to work.

Any stag I've been to, everyone is asked to throw in a few extra quid (no more than 20). The groom's room is then paid for and any surplus is used to pay for dinner or the first rounds of beers.

People will get very irritated (and rightly so) if you ask them for an extra €50 just to cover the groom, so play it by ear. If the costs are huge, then asking for more isn't fair. If you've managed to keep the costs down, then an extra tenner per head won't cause any bitching.

jomc

If the groom is stuggling then maybe you'd be better off having a one night stag in ireland?

The cost of going away will be considerably higher and if he's struggling maybe he should reconsider.

I know a guy who is getting married next year, the type who is a complete user, never pays his own way and always imposes himself on others and clearly thinks everything is all about him. When he got engaged he used someone else birthday as his engagement party because they had already organised their night, gotten a bit of food etc, he just texted 'his' guests to say engagement party is at x time in y venue. Birthday girl was not impressed but he wouldn't give a thought. Anyhow he is severely struggling with cash and told people that due to his struggling he is having the wedding in the cheapest place possible but is expecting 150 per person or 250 per couple as 'gifts' , for his stag he wants to go away to amsterdam and spend the weekend in the lap dancing clubs, i mentioned to him how expensive this would be and he laughed saying that he wouldn't be paying for any of it so he wanted to get as much out of it as possible!

Rew

For stags in Ireland it would be normal for the group to cover the stags bill as its normally only an extra 10 or 20 euro per head. Outside Ireland it wouldn't be the norm. If he's struggling dont go away for the stag it will cost a fortune. Any foreign stag I was on cost 500+. My stag in Ireland cost 150 and everyone had a great time and got away for the night.

slowmoe

jomc wrote: »

If the groom is stuggling then maybe you'd be better off having a one night stag in ireland?

The cost of going away will be considerably higher and if he's struggling maybe he should reconsider.

I know a guy who is getting married next year, the type who is a complete user, never pays his own way and always imposes himself on others and clearly thinks everything is all about him. When he got engaged he used someone else birthday as his engagement party because they had already organised their night, gotten a bit of food etc, he just texted 'his' guests to say engagement party is at x time in y venue. Birthday girl was not impressed but he wouldn't give a thought. Anyhow he is severely struggling with cash and told people that due to his struggling he is having the wedding in the cheapest place possible but is expecting 150 per person or 250 per couple as 'gifts' , for his stag he wants to go away to amsterdam and spend the weekend in the lap dancing clubs, i mentioned to him how expensive this would be and he laughed saying that he wouldn't be paying for any of it so he wanted to get as much out of it as possible!

You should have his stag in mc donalds!