Where do i stand?

LegacyUser

I have been sleeping with a guy for the last month and I asked him last time if we were exclusive and he said he wasnt ready to talk bout that yet. He lives in Dublin and Im in Limerick and he has a lot of family stuff going on at home that has really taken over his life (not an excuse, its really tru!). All his friends are from Limerick but he's been coming down once a week and spending 90% of his time with just me. He talks bout things he plans for us to do when things go back to normal for him, using pet names, we sleep over and theirs lots of cuddling and the chemistry is great.

My question for you luvly people is do you think he's sayin what I want him to say so Ill keep sleeping with him. Are we dating or is it just sex and a getaway for him? How long should I stick with it without bein exclusive? Atm, either of us could be up to anything with anyone and not have to tell the other. Plus, I'm out far more than he is so I'm more likely to meet someone else- would that not make him more want to be exclusive if he has any intention of that at all or even really likes me? Thanks guys!

I am a friend

I wouldn't be happy with the situation if I was into him.

He is willing to sleep you but leave you free to sleep with other guys by not committing to you... Says it all.. Sorry

Lorna123

It doesn't matter what is going on in his life if he has the time to sleep with you he has the time to say that he want's it to be exclusive. If it were me I would not sleep with someone unless it was exclusive in the first place, but then I am old fasioned I guess.

dixiefly

Guest2012 wrote: »

I have been sleeping with a guy for the last month and I asked him last time if we were exclusive and he said he wasnt ready to talk bout that yet. He lives in Dublin and Im in Limerick and he has a lot of family stuff going on at home that has really taken over his life (not an excuse, its really tru!). All his friends are from Limerick but he's been coming down once a week and spending 90% of his time with just me. He talks bout things he plans for us to do when things go back to normal for him, using pet names, we sleep over and theirs lots of cuddling and the chemistry is great.

My question for you luvly people is do you think he's sayin what I want him to say so Ill keep sleeping with him. Are we dating or is it just sex and a getaway for him? How long should I stick with it without bein exclusive? Atm, either of us could be up to anything with anyone and not have to tell the other. Plus, I'm out far more than he is so I'm more likely to meet someone else- would that not make him more want to be exclusive if he has any intention of that at all or even really likes me? Thanks guys!

Ask him why he needs to talk about it. There really should be no discussion, ye guys are in a relationship. If he continues with that attitude it tells you a message. It's then up to you to decide how to deal with it then.

LegacyUser

Its just that given his situation I get that he'd be wary to commit to something but I've said that I get that home stuff has to come first, I just want to know if I'm more important to him than other girls or if I'm just a f... buddy? Thoughts?

Given that he's being less affectionate I'm wondering if I should believe its coz he's stressed with other stuff or if he just doesn't care all that much now that hes gotten what he wanted. Dont want to get hurt but also dont wanna pressure him and drive him away when he has so much on. im pretty low maintenance and would be supportive but dont wanna be taken as a fool

I am a friend

Ok -has he just broken up with his wife? No one can tell if you are just a fbuddy or more.. He needs to be telling you this and I personally would not be sleeping with someone who refused to answer that question.

Lorna123

Guest2012 wrote: »

Its just that given his situation I get that he'd be wary to commit to something but I've said that I get that home stuff has to come first, I just want to know if I'm more important to him than other girls or if I'm just a f... buddy? Thoughts?

Given that he's being less affectionate I'm wondering if I should believe its coz he's stressed with other stuff or if he just doesn't care all that much now that hes gotten what he wanted. Dont want to get hurt but also dont wanna pressure him and drive him away when he has so much on. im pretty low maintenance and would be supportive but dont wanna be taken as a fool

Given that he is less affectionate I would say that he is backing off. If he was into you nothing would stand in his way. Please believe it. I would not stay in this relationship if I were you. Nothing excuses the way he is carrying on. You have asked him a question that he is not prepared to answer, that says it all. You don't need him to say the words. If he was into you he would want to commit to you and be all apologetic about how he is tied up with his family and be pleading with you to hang on in there until he could devote more time to you.

ABajaninCork

I'm sorry, but if you stay with this guy you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt...

He's just broken up with his wife - right?
He's prepared to sleep with you, but won't answer when you ask where this is going.

Looks to me as though this might be a rebound thing. I think he thinks you're a s**g buddy. I'd get out now, before feelings become a bit too deep.

Leelaveela

Your question says it all really "are we dating?"...well, are you? If he comes over, sleeps with you and that's it then he's not really putting the effort in although in fairness, that could simply be because he doesn't feel that he needs to.

I'm slow to judge these situations because I know several couples and have been in one myself which started off more physical than relationship and then evolved to be exclusive couples. However, the difference is that once someone began to broach the subject of a relationship in these cases, it was either a matter of "yes, it's on!" or that it was something being considered for the near future.

A guy who shuts down a conversation completely does not, I feel, want to be in a relationship. Whether it's because he has stuff going on at home (I personally feel that this is basically never a viable excuse) or because he feels you live too far apart or because he simply doesn't like you that much, it seems that he's not interested.

If you really feel like this could go somewhere, sit him down and ask him if he thinks you two could ever be a proper couple, and from his answer (avoiding the question = "no") make your decision.

Sometimes words do speak louder than actions.