Need Relationship Advice

LegacyUser

Been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year now. We are told by so many that we are the perfect couple , and in some ways I think we are . Our relationship started with both of us being a tad immature (we've both really grown since then) , and she broke us up after a month as she thought I liked another girl , which I didn't. We got back together 2 weeks later.

I suffered from a bit of depression in the past but all that has long gone since just before we got together , which is what helped me approach her. When we got serious I discovered that she too had suffered with depression , and to this day ,still does. She told me she has tried to commit suicide a few times too , and she self-harmed too .

Numerous times in our relationship , she has hurt herself , and tries to hide it from me . I tell her whenever things are bad that I'm her for her , that she can talk to me , I'm always there for her. She has told me before that talking about things doesn't help her , and when her best friend tried to help her talk about it , it didn't help at all. She says the only thing that helps her with it is to self harm , and again last week I found cuts on the back of her calve ,I wasn't looking for any , just came across them while feeling her leg.

It makes me wonder , because of this , if I truly make her happy? I have tried time and time again to make her happier , but it always ends in things spiraling down and ending up in the same place , it makes me feel helpless because if things are bothering me she brings me right back up .

Another thing that has been a huge prooblem in our relationship is sex . After about 5 months together we had sex , but had done things previously . For the whole of last summer we done things a lot , every 3 days at the least , mostly every 2 days . She told me months later that she didn't really want to do any of that , but just went along with it. I have never forced her to do anything , that is just completely wrong.

Sex is a huge problem with us because it seems we have two different sexual libido's .. I have a very high sex drive , and she has a low or non-existent one. She says that she'll do things for me if I want , but not actually have us both engage each other. For a while we had sex every week , and its been getting worse. Sex has also been hurting her a lot lately , possibly because we went about a month without her receiving anything? I make us stop if it hurts her too much.

She is the first proper relationship I've ever had , and she means the world to me . I have never felt this way about anyone before . We have done so many things together over the last year , I couldn't imagine not having her in my life . I want our relationship to work , but I often doubt if it can .

We also have totally different ideas for the future . Everyone , her included always tells me one day I'll be a big musician , famous , something Id absolutely love. She seems content on thinking that I will become that , and thinks that I won't have time for kids or anything . She says because of this she doesn't want kids anymore , because she knows what its like to not have a dad around . But how do we know any of this is going to happen?

She told me last week that she doesn't think she wants to get married in the future either , something that upset me . She wants to study psychology and I want to be a musician ....

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to include as much as I could ... I really love her , to pieces . Im so confused as to what I should do?

Idle Passerby

I'm guessing from your post that your quite young. Teens - early twenties?

Your girlfriend probably needs to get some professional help for her depression and self harming. I wouldn't take it personally that you cant "make her happy". She has an illness that you cant fix singlehandedly.

In regards the sex, this could all be tied up to whatever problems she is already having. Depression can effect libido too.

In regards your differing ideas for the future have you actually spoken about wanting to plan a future together? Unless marriage and children are things your considering in the foreseeable future I don't think theres any need to worry about it just yet. I also don't see how there would be a problem with her studying and you persueing music. I think it would be wise to give yourself some sort of back up plan incase the rockstar dream doesn't work out.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply , yep we're late teens.

Regarding going to see a doctor - she won't . She has this thing , and she can't . She really really dislikes going to a doctor of any sort , and says that its because some people go and get terrible news that they didn't expect (lying?) . The whole time we've been together she hasn't gone to a doctor , even when she got the shakes and tonsilitis .

She says her depression can just drop on her for no reason , and she feels down for no reason whatsoever , it just happens . We talked today and she said she now wants to try open up to me more , not sure how much it'll help compared to going to an actual counciler or doctor. She won't even talk to family about it , at all. She says talking makes it worse cos she has to think about it again .