My friend and I

LegacyUser

Hi there

I've been really good pals with a girl for about a year now, and she is seeing a guy for about the same time. Myself, her and a few mutual friends went out for drinks last night and had a great night. However, things took a turn for the unexpected as the night wore on because she got quite hammered and started getting really handsy with me.

She kept going to hug me or hold my hand, and kiss me near my lips but not on them, and a and a couple of times when I turned around she'd grab my ass! There were a few other things too but anyway, I tried to politely deflect it but she was very persistent and I was getting kind of uncomfortable, so I tried to do a legger but she robbed my phone and wouldn't give it back. Then she insisted that I stay in her place overnight - there was no way I was doing that but I did walk her home just to make sure she *got* home and I went on my way after.

Today the whole thing left me really confused - she's always been really nice to me and I got on with her so well and she's a gorgeous looking girl too, but as she has a BF there is nothing to be done. I'm just wondering what's behind it? Was she doing it just to try and get herself some attention? Is she unhappy in her current relationship? I guess I should be flattered and leave it at that, I just wondered had anyone else had something similar happen to them.

Bubblefett

Well done on an excellent handling of what can be a very difficult situation.
Have you seen her since? How has she been?
If it's just the once and she's not normally like that I'd be tempted to chalk it up to bad drunken flitting out of control. Though if it happens again then I'd be concerned.

Fenian Army

You sound like an absolute top guy.

Are you into her? Do you want something to develop? Could you trust her in a relationship seen as she basically threw herself on another guy?

I'd just ask her how things are going with her bf and see how the convo develops. Dont leave it too long as the silence will make things way more awkward.

Lorna123

Probably just the drink making her feel all sentimental and loving. Don't put too much emphasis on it. See how she is when she is sober and take it from there.

Big Bag of Chips

There is a chance she fancies you. Just because a person is going out with someone or married doesn't make them blind to other people. But, usually, when in a relationship a person tends to not act on any attraction they might feel for someone other than their partner.

In general, drunk or not, people don't tend to flirt with someone they have zero interest in. So I would guess she does like you, and being drunk lowered her inhibitions and she probably exposed a bit more of her herself than she intended or would ever do while sober.

It doesn't mean she's unhappy in her relationship. It doesn't mean she wants to leave her boyfriend. It means that she likes you, and maybe in different circumstances.....

LegacyUser

Hi all

Thanks for your responses. I'll try to address them one by one

You sound like an absolute top guy.

Have you seen her since? How has she been?

I won't be polishing my halo just yet, as it was very difficult to behave as I was half cut at that stage as well, and wasn't helped by the fact that two of my friends who were there kept egging me on "you're in there, you're in there" etc.
I felt I could have done more, sooner, to put an end to it. I guess a certain part of me was really enjoying the attention from a gorgeous girl but thankfully, common sense won the day.

To answer your question, no, she texted me yesterday about something unrelated.

Are you into her? Do you want something to develop? Could you trust her in a relationship seen as she basically threw herself on another guy?

I did fancy her from the minute I met her but she started going out with her current BF pretty much the week after I met her. So I buried whatever feelings I had and we just ended up being really good friends. I've met her BF a couple of times and he seems like a nice guy.
If she was single, yeah I would definitely have acted on her behaviour on Friday night.

Fenian Army

usehername wrote: »

Hi all

Thanks for your responses. I'll try to address them one by one


I won't be polishing my halo just yet, as it was very difficult to behave as I was half cut at that stage as well, and wasn't helped by the fact that two of my friends who were there kept egging me on "you're in there, you're in there" etc.
I felt I could have done more, sooner, to put an end to it. I guess a certain part of me was really enjoying the attention from a gorgeous girl but thankfully, common sense won the day.

To answer your question, no, she texted me yesterday about something unrelated.



I did fancy her from the minute I met her but she started going out with her current BF pretty much the week after I met her. So I buried whatever feelings I had and we just ended up being really good friends. I've met her BF a couple of times and he seems like a nice guy.
If she was single, yeah I would definitely have acted on her behaviour on Friday night.

I wouldnt be giving out to yourself, I think you acted very well.

What I would do would be to ask her about it in a kinda jokey way, chances are she may be about to break up with her bf

P. Breathnach

Fenian Army wrote: »

...
What I would do would be to ask her about it in a kinda jokey way, chances are she may be about to break up with her bf

I think that is a bad idea. It could mess up a friendship that OP seems to value.

There was a bit of harmless silliness when drink had been consumed. It looks to me as if OP made a good choice in making sure that it remained harmless: I tip my hat to him for that.

Fenian Army

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I think that is a bad idea. It could mess up a friendship that OP seems to value.

There was a bit of harmless silliness when drink had been consumed. It looks to me as if OP made a good choice in making sure that it remained harmless: I tip my hat to him for that.

I can only speak from personal experience but in a similar situation I never addressed it and it festered for months until it emerged that the woman was attracted to me and was devastated, thought me ignoring what happened was a rejection (we were friends and I thought she had just gotten really drunk and was embarrassed about it so I never mentioned it, turns out she had got drunk in the old Irish tradition of getting dutch courage). Things got really awkward and it damaged our friendship.

I always think it's best to tackle the elephant in the room.

Big Bag of Chips

She's the one in a relationship. If she's interested in the OP, and wants to pursue it further, then it's up to HER to make her intentions clear... ie finish with her boyfriend and let the OP know how she feels, without drink involved.

It's not his place to make a move on her in these circumstances.

Fenian Army

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

She's the one in a relationship. If she's interested in the OP, and wants to pursue it further, then it's up to HER to make her intentions clear... ie finish with her boyfriend and let the OP know how she feels, without drink involved.

It's not his place to make a move on her in these circumstances.

I wasn't suggesting that he do so, just saying in my experience its better to address these things.

P. Breathnach

usehername knows her a lot better than we do. But not well enough to interpret her intentions, which is why we are discussing the matter here.

Yes, it is possible that she was making a play for him. To my mind, warning bells should always ring when somebody who is in a relationship comes onto somebody. I think usehername heard those bells.

It might be is that he wonders now if he should have ignored those bells. To that, I would say no: he acted correctly.

Next question: is there a prospect there for usehername? Answer: possibly, but not while she is in a relationship. What to do? Yes, I see sense in trying to figure if the relationship is coming (or even has come) to an end. The risk? Messing up a friendship.

Yes, FA, I take your point. It's really a matter of choosing how test the waters in a safe way, and I am not sure if asking, even in a jokey way, about the state of her relationship is the best way to do it. Jokey is good. Perhaps he might go along the lines of saying something like "Jaysus, girl, you were a bit mad the other night; if you were unattached, I'd have taken my chance." That would give her the chance to laugh it off if she needed to.