Wedding Invitation Issue

LegacyUser

Ok so the issue is basically this. My GF has been invited to a wedding up the country with mutual friends. Her friend asked her to confirm invitation so she can book a room for her. Her friend may not know where living together, but we met the couple being married once or twice after a few sessions...Being going out a year.. Anyway the wedding is going to in April so thats grand.

But I asked her no bother Will u ask her is it cool if I tag along? After all were living together last few months, getting on great.. I always assume it's a given that you ask if your partner can come come also .. seeing as your together and it's like a wedding. Or if there is uncertainty whether or not you can bring a guest at least clarify it by asking the couple??

....

Now I don't really care about going to the wedding But.. I really have an issue with the fact that she refuses to clarify whether or not it is ok to bring a partner to the wedding. Would u assume it is a given?? Or Is it unreasonable to AT least ask if it is ok or not??

I'm really thinking of taking issue with this as if she wants to exclude me for a particular reason from this then I really have doubts about how strong a relationship we have now..

I mean really I get the feeling she doesn't want me to come.. She hadn't spoken about the wedding until I heard it from a friend and brought it. It just seems a bit weird..

I am a friend

It does seem weird. How can these friends not know you are living together?

Sit her down and ask her out straight.

Lorna123

Ask can you see the invitation and then you will know if partners have been included. Weddings are so expensive these days that maybe only your g/f was invited. Either way she should be upfront with you and tell you what the situation is even if she just wants a day out on her own. That's not too much to ask.

Pebbles68

It is very unusual to be invited to a wedding with just a verbal invite. Surely there is a formal written invite. You should ask to see it and then you'll know if you(by name) or a plus guest is included.

I have gone to weddings on my own when I didn't have an OH but when in a relationship my OH has always been invited, even when he hadn't met the couple getting married.

woodchuck

Dendon12 wrote: »

Would u assume it is a given??

It’s not. It depends on what the couple getting married want and what’s on the invitiation.

Dendon12 wrote: »

Or Is it unreasonable to AT least ask if it is ok or not??

Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a friend if I could bring my partner if it wasn’t on the invitation.

It all depends on what’s on the written invitation. If you’re living together you probably would’ve seen it come in the post? Or ask your girlfriend to see it if you want. But it sounds like she was the only one invited. If that’s the case, just leave it. You’d be putting your girlfriend in an awkward position by getting her to ask if you can come along if you’re not already invited. Unfortunately with a wedding it’s not the case of the more the merrier, it’s the more the more expensive

If you haven’t been invited I wouldn’t overanalyse the reasons… it’s probably something logical like:
- The cost
- Keeping within a certain number of people (back to cost)
- Maybe they’re only inviting ‘other halves’ of people who are actually married, or have been together a set period of time (back to cost)
- They might assume that because your girlfriend knows a lot of people at the wedding that she’ll be fine on her own (so again, not inviting you to keep down costs)
- They could’ve started putting the guest list together once they got engaged, which I’m guessing is longer than you and your girlfriend have actually been together (personally I wouldn’t see myself upping the numbers just because a friend started dating someone during the engagement… they have no idea how serious your relationship might be at these relatively early stages)

However, if there was a +1 on her invite and SHE doesn’t want to bring you then that’s a whole other thing. I’d find out what was on the official invitation if I was you and go from there. Even if that’s the case she might just want to have a laugh with her group of friends without worrying about if you’re enjoying yourself if you don’t know anybody there.

ted1

For my wedding we where strict on numbers and invited people we wanted there. The couple may have limited numbers and want to invite a close friend or family member. I have never heard of someone asking can they bring a partner. In fact i imagine the couple would be quite annoyed if she did ask.

Dolbert

If the wedding invitation doesn't say plus one, then assume that she's been invited alone. They may be keeping their numbers down.

OS119

perhaps, more important than the issue around the wedding invites - to the OP anyway - is that:

a) his GF's friends don't seem to know that she's living with her BF.

b) his GF hadn't mentioned anything about the wedding invitation to him, even in passing.

c) his GF isn't even prepared to fob him off with a 'yeah sure, i'll ask - i know they are skint/want a really small wedding though...'

d) his GF really, really doesn't want him to go.

personally, i'd suggest that this is only leading in one direction - and not one where the OP and his GF get to spend their lives in mutual desire and respect...

of course, it could just be me being cynical - though i doubt it.

Penny Dreadful

Dolorous wrote: »

If the wedding invitation doesn't say plus one, then assume that she's been invited alone. They may be keeping their numbers down.

Totally agree. I'm getting married in June and we've decided to invite plus ones only where there is a husband/wife or significant OH (girlfriend of 10 years and the like). Other than that it is the name on the invite only.
Its all in a bid to keep numbers and costs down and to have people we actually know at the wedding.

Chinafoot

OS119 wrote: »

perhaps, more important than the issue around the wedding invites - to the OP anyway - is that:

a) his GF's friends don't seem to know that she's living with her BF.

Not necessarily. The fact that they're living together a few months doesn't mean he will automatically be invited. He said himself he's only been out with them a couple of times. Sounds like they barely know him.

b) his GF hadn't mentioned anything about the wedding invitation to him, even in passing.

This wedding could have been all booked before they even got together. Maybe she forgot to mention it, maybe she didn't get a chance or maybe she knew that this was how he would react to not getting invited.

c) his GF isn't even prepared to fob him off with a 'yeah sure, i'll ask - i know they are skint/want a really small wedding though...'

Why should she have to?? The OP is being very unfair in expecting her to ask this couple to add another person to the guest list. That puts her in such an awkward position. It's actually extremely rude.

d) his GF really, really doesn't want him to go.

Or maybe he simply wasn't invited and, like any normal person, his girlfriend knows there is nothing she can do about it. And yeah, maybe she does want to go and have fun with her friends and not have to worry about her boyfriend who might not know anyone there. Hardly means she doesn't love or respect him.

personally, i'd suggest that this is only leading in one direction - and not one where the OP and his GF get to spend their lives in mutual desire and respect...

of course, it could just be me being cynical - though i doubt it.

Well personally, I think that is a complete overreaction given that we have no idea of there was even a +1 invite issued. Suggesting that this is going to be a doomed/miserable relationship because he's not asked along to a wedding is ridiculously OTT. I have been to events where I haven't brought my partner because he won't know any of the people there and I fancy a night out and a catch up with my friends. That doesn't mean I don't respect him.

OP, ask her out straight if there was a +1 invite. If there wasn't, realise that there is absolutely nothing your girlfriend can do about that and you most certainly shouldn't be telling her to ask her friends if you can 'tag along'. If there was a +1, ask her why she wants to go alone. There's no point in making a huge fuss over this when you don't know what the story is.