Getting Back To Normal

coffeeandshoes

Hey ladies!

Long story short I left my full time job in Cork to move in with my boyfriend in Dublin. I started a new job here where I was bullied by my manager on a daily basis and after much heartache I eventually decided to leave and am now currently, well, a “housewife”. I am job hunting at the moment with my partner supporting me fulltime but feel incredibly uncomfortable having to ask him for money. It doesn’t help either that I have no friends in Dublin, so I spend a great deal of the day thinking things over and over at home by myself. My partner assures me that he doesn’t mind supporting me until I find a new job as he knows that I would do the same for him, and that we are after all a team. Am I just over thinking thing’s because I’m home alone all day and too used to being independent?

I’m not exactly going out and getting my hair done every week or buying expensive clothes

baby and crumble

I have moved this to PI, OP, I think it's better suited to here.

All the best,

B&C.

IrishEyes19

Hi, OP.

Well firstly, well done to the big move. Its a brave step to leave your comfort zone job wise and friend wise, so kudos on that.

As for the job issue. just keep looking and looking. I understand your feelings on the issue and your boyfriend is very good to be so supportive but Im a big believer in being financially independent. Its good for yourself but also much safer. Obviously not suggesting anything would happen but in case you would ever decide to leave the relationship, you dont want to find yourself with nothing.

As for the friends issue, I would suggest just getting involved in local clubs, sports ect in your local area. It again scary but its a great way to meet people and feel involved.

ash23

Have you considered volunteering? It would help fill the time and also might lead to some work opportunities. It will look good on a CV and also help you to meet people.
Alternatively you could look at courses and go back to education (depending on your current qualifications and how long you think it might take to find a job).

I would also suggest that you and your partner discuss how you will manage financially. I know when my ex was out of work and we were living on my wage I wanted to just leave my ATM card so he could access money. However because things were so tight that didn't work because I needed to know what was in there to make sure bills were covered.
So we arranged to pay bills, get groceries etc and split whatever was left over so he didn't have to ask for money. He had x amount and so did I and it was up to us how to spend it. Admittedly it was only about 20e a week each that we had to spare but at least he didn't feel awkward asking me for cash and I didn't feel awkward giving it to him.

Danniboo

coffeeandshoes wrote: »

Hey ladies!

Am I just over thinking thing’s because I’m home alone all day and too used to being independent?

I’m not exactly going out and getting my hair done every week or buying expensive clothes

OP no offence but if your "jobhunting" you shouldn't be home all day, you need to physically get out go to recruitment agencies, call in to places where you see jobs advertised, look them up before hand and then go in. Anyone can send a CV through an e-mail. Much more chance of getting a job, if you can go in in person, they get to meet you, see how you present yourself, a glimpse of what type of person your are etc. And you'll feel better about yourself.

Don't think anyones buying expensive clothes or getting their done often these days

Daisy M

I think you should look on this a little differently, start thinking of how lucky you are to have found someone whom you love and is willing to support you through the hard times. How much worse would it be if you have changed your life to be with him only to realise you couldnt count on him when times got tough.
Keep looking for jobs something will turn up think positive there have been a lot of job announcments in the last couple of weeks. Go out of your comfort zone and apply for jobs that you usually wouldnt think of doing. Look at doing a course. Have you looked into job seekers benefit/allowance, you maybe entitled to some type of payment.

gud4u

ash23 wrote: »

Have you considered volunteering? It would help fill the time and also might lead to some work opportunities. It will look good on a CV and also help you to meet people.
Alternatively you could look at courses and go back to education (depending on your current qualifications and how long you think it might take to find a job).

I would also suggest that you and your partner discuss how you will manage financially. I know when my ex was out of work and we were living on my wage I wanted to just leave my ATM card so he could access money. However because things were so tight that didn't work because I needed to know what was in there to make sure bills were covered.
So we arranged to pay bills, get groceries etc and split whatever was left over so he didn't have to ask for money. He had x amount and so did I and it was up to us how to spend it. Admittedly it was only about 20e a week each that we had to spare but at least he didn't feel awkward asking me for cash and I didn't feel awkward giving it to him.

I left work last september due to family ill health/eventual bereavement.
After registering for volunteer work I got known locally and just landed a job, get out there and you'll find it easier.
Also, being at home gets in on your mental health and wrecks it, too much time to think. If your partner can support you accept it, but make a real effort to get work so he knows you appreciate it. You may have to take something that's not in your field of trainig, but it's easier to get a nother job then.
Don't let your last boss ruin your confidence in securing another one.

solovely

I'd agree with the other re: volunteering! I'm involved in a fun volunteering group. We recruited a bunch of new volunteers this year, and all of them have gotten more out than they put in (as I do myself). I regularly give people references for their volunteer work and many have secured full time employment (some then feck off and leave us, which is another issue, but most stay). It's great fun, great way of making friends, free, and look great on the CV.

Dublin can seem like a big, scary city, but it's surprisingly easy to make friends if you try. I found myself single a couple of years back and had to make a big effort to make new friends or rekindle old friendships. There is so much going on all the time (for free) that you should never be bored or lonely. Look up meetup.com and find a free group you're interested in.

Hopefully a new job will come up soon. Keep active and out there looking, and keep positive. Your confidence has already been dented by that awful boss, so don't let yourself bring it down any further.

You are very lucky with your partner, and who knows what way things will go in the future. Once you're not a money grabber and taking the piss (which you're clearly not) why should you feel bad? I know I would hate it too, but as your partner says, you would do the same for them, so keep thinking of it that way!

Now, get out, have some fun, find that great life for yourself.

coffeeandshoes

Thanks a bundle for all your lovely advice guy’s! Ash23 I would absolutely love to go back to college but I’m hoping that I won’t be unemployed for too long, I’m focusing more so on the job hunt side of things unless I can find a non expensive course? Danniboo, fantastic advice on actually popping into places in addition to applying, I’m definitely gonna try that one out and make sure my CV is getting read. Solovely meetup look’s like so much fun! I think even when I find something again I might give that a go because it’s a slight pain having all my buddies in Cork x x

Taltos

memind - your post has been removed. Please review our Charter - asking an OP to contact you is strictly not permitted on this forum. This is as much to protect you as it is to protect them.

Please do take the time to review some other threads and also our charter before posting again as similar breaches can and do result in bans from posting here.

Thanks
Taltos