Breaking Up?

LegacyUser

Hi, a bit of a back story here. I've been in a long distance relationship for a several months now. We're both first years in college and he would be what I'd consider my first boyfriend. We knew each other as children and found each other on Facebook last year. We got on great and it was decided that I would visit but we wouldn't see anyone else and, depending on how my visit went, we would make it official afterwards.
We talked on webcam nearly everyday up until my visit. He was (and still is) a very caring, unselfish, good looking, genuinely nice person. After about two months of chatting online, he admitted that he may have fallen in love with me. That was fine. Even though I couldn't say it back to him at the time, I still cared for him.
I visited in early December for a week. It was a great week. I was spoiled rotten while I was there and thoroughly enjoyed myself. There was definitely a connection there and I was sorry to go, knowing that due to money matters, we won't see each other again until the summer, when he was planning to try and get over for the summer. I thought to myself that I could deal with the distance and cutting back on the typical student life until then.
The truth is, I'm finding it very difficult. We're both more busy this semester so we don't talk as much as we did and have only talked on webcam twice since my return. Any other time I was met by the response of him being too busy and I would be too much of a distraction. After a while, I did pull him up about this and he said he was sorry and we good talk but we still don't talk as much.
On a night out (which are few as I often stay in to talk to him), I can't help but thinking what I'm missing by refusing other guys. I feel terrible about it but it's getting hard to say no to them when I'm approached and although I haven't yet, it's only a matter of time before one night I do cheat on him, which is something I would never forgive myself for.
I'm not very happy in this relationship, even though he's lovely. We're are quite different as people and live two different lifestyles. He's just not for me. I don't see the point in the distance when I don't see it lasting anyway. I have told him about my concerns over our relationship but we couldn't come to any alternative without him getting very upset. So why don't I just break up with him?
Well, he's depressed and already self harms. He's been through a rough time in the past with his family. Recently, he cut contact with them after his parents had a blazing argument (and I knew how bad they could get as they had one when I was there), that he was unnecessarily dragged into and was contemplating suicide. I managed to talk him out of it but he said if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't exist. I begged him to go get help, but he wouldn't listen. I'm terrified of what he would do if I broke up with him, especially after telling me that he wouldn't exist if it weren't for me. I may not love him back, but I do still care deeply for him and I couldn't live with myself if he hurt himself or worse because of me. I don't know what I should do! I know the right thing to do is to stay with him, and I'm probably quite selfish to be thinking of my own wants, considering the possible consequences if I follow through with breaking up with him. It's just some days, like this evening, when he's away, I just don't see the point.
I'm just so confused right now about it and feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The whole post is probably a bit of a muddle and I apologise for that. I've probably left out a lot too but I would really appreciate help!

Lorna123

ShouldIOrShouldn'tI wrote: »

He's just not for me. !

This says it all. Your first responsibility is to yourself. This relationship will fizzle out and the fact that you don't live close helps a lot. Get on with your life. Tell this young man that you want a break and then let the break lead to a final break up, if you think this might be easier on him. Then do not read any more messages from him if he tries to make you feel guilty about it. You could also try replying to him less and less until he gets the message himself.

ihsb

You have to look after yourself. This is not healthy for you to be a part of and this is something that you have to fix. If this means breaking up with him then you have to do it. If you become sad in your relationship then you will no longer have anything to give him for his happiness and it will lead to a downward spiral for both of you.

I know it is a difficult position to be in. Maybe try to give him some advice of counselling services available near him?

Good Luck