Lesbian and so alone

LegacyUser

I don't know what good is going to come of posting this but I've just had enough I'm a 22 year old gay girl and I just feel so alone - I know it sounds desperate but all I want is to meet some girls around my age, have fun, make friends, go on a few dates, maybe meet someone I really like and get a girlfriend. Is that so much to ask...I'm my 20s, I should be having the time of my life. When all my other friends are meeting new guys, dating, in relationships or even just pulling guys in clubs, I have absolutely no one

I don't think I'm amazing looking but I've been told I'm attractive, I'm slim, I keep in good shape. I go out to pubs and clubs, both gay and straight ones. I've only ever been with two girls - both one night stands which isn't ideal but to be honest I'd even take that!! But the last few nights I've been in the george or dragon and absolutely nobody has been interested in me. I'm not exactly a wild party animal but I am sociable and I'd chat to anybody, people do say I'm very friendly and I love talking to new people.

What the hell am I doing wrong? I dunno what to do...I can't go my whole life being alone. I'm writing this now cos I'm staying in on a Saturday night and tonight is just dragging so long...I wish I had someone to even just talk to and watch a movie with tonight.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm just so depressed

Ickle Magoo

Hey there,

We have a forum specifically for discussion/issues relating to being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender - just shout if you want the thread moved over there.

All the best. :cool:

Meller

Not trying to belittle your problem, but do bear in mind that we all have bad days. Saturday nights can be the worst when you're feeling a bit lonely because you presume everyone else is out having a great time, and end up completely overthinking your situation and feeling even worse.

I know how you feel, OP, and I think the best advice I can give you is to persevere.

You said you were out the past few nights and nobody was interested in you, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It's easy to get discouraged - I think that's a problem a lot of people DON'T have, which is why it sometimes seems like it's easy for everyone else. I know I tend to overthink any 'failure', and that just makes me want to give up (which will obviously get you nowhere).

Just keep trying, OP. There are plenty of other people in similar situations.

AvaKinder

As a bi girl who very rarely hooks up with girls in gay bars I can tell some girls are just really shy. Me and alot of my mates may see a girl we like when we're out but we're mostly of the shy/awkward variety so the approach between girls can be a bit harder I find. Do you approach people on nights out or just wait and hope someone approaches you?

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for the replies. I know it may not seem like a huge problem and obviously there are those out there who have it a million times worse than me. But it does really get me down and I have been depressed for a good few years (Although nobody would be able to tell because I do come across as very friendly, sociable, fun, happy...even though as soon as I get in the door from work or from socialising, I cry every single night)

Anyway, yes I understand girls can be shy, and I can be as well but usually I'd approach girls (not all the time, I do get nervous the same as everyone else!) in a club and we might chat for a few minutes and then they'd go off to get a drink or find their friends and nothing would happen of it. On the dancefloor I don't get any attention either except a few times maybe from butch women who aren't my type.

And I know I said only the last few nights I've been out I've been unsuccessful but it's not just that. I've been going out to pubs/clubs since I was 16. I'm now 22. Only ever pulling two women in that period of time is depressing.

And no, it's not just about pulling women, I do want to meet someone Ideally date, have a girlfriend. But I'm up for anything along the way, even if it just means meeting someone a couple of times and them not turning out to be into me that way and wanting to be friends. Even that I wouldn't mind. I just want something...anything...:(

I know from reading that people will think I come across as needy and desperate in real life but trust me, I don't. People wouldn't describe me as that at all - I'm just writing it very clearly here because I don't need to pretend

goose2005

have you tried online dating?

Plek Trum

Hi - it sounds like the pubs and clubs really aren't your thing at the moment and you would prefer a different forum other than random noisy nights out.. good news is you are not alone in this!

'Pulling' isn't for everyone and at 22 I know it may seem hard to imagine a social scene outside of pubs but it does actually exist. You should try contacting 'Running Amach ' (google it or else I think they have a facebook page??)

Its a group for lesbians, gay women, curious women .. they run a huge variety of social events all over Ireland and tend to take a step away from the random club / casual pick up approach. I've heard great things about them - hill walking, surf trips, photography events, drama group, theatre trip, coffee catch ups, comedy nights etc etc, they really have something for everyone.

Have a look at their website and maybe send an email about events in your area. It will give you a chance to get to meet like minded girls, take up some new interests and take the pressure off yourself. Remember 22 is still young ;0) Best of luck !

LegacyUser

Hi, I have tried online dating and have been unsuccessful - there is just a very limited amount of women on the sites I was on. Some people I'd be chatting to and was getting on well and then the next day - nothing. Other times, I do get interest but it's from girls with boyfriends who want threesomes..!!

As for Running amach, I have gone to a few of their events but thank you for mentioning them. They are nice but I guess as the newbie I didn't really make any friends that 'stuck'. Besides, at 22 I am about 20 years younger than the majority of them

I am seriously thinking of emigrating it's gotten to this stage that I just can't stand being so lonely in Ireland

beks101

lesbiansolonely wrote: »

I am seriously thinking of emigrating it's gotten to this stage that I just can't stand being so lonely in Ireland

You know, if this is feasible for you it might not be such a bad idea.

I'm living in Toronto and moved here with a close friend who is gay. She came out to me over here after a few months and shortly after, told me that she effectively emigrated because she couldn't bear her love life in Ireland (or lack of) anymore.

We lived in Dublin, so it's not like there was no gay scene, but my friend just said that she found that outside of the George/Panti Bar thing it was virtually impossible to meet anyone, or taboo to even approach or indicate interest. She's not a big pubber, so she found that her options were limited and also, as much as we like to think we've progressed as a liberal country, to be gay in Ireland is still stigmatised moreso than in many other countries.

Granted she has a lot of personal struggles surrounding her sexuality, but since she's come here, she's a lot more open and laidback and a lot of that is down to 1. the liberation that comes with being anonymous abroad and 2. the culture. Being gay isn't necessarily the 'other' here, there's no judgement and the city is a melting pot of cultures, races, religions - sexual preference is just seen as another variant. My friend 'dates' here, for the first time in her life, and every other weekend she's meeting someone new.

It's not a cure-all, but I think Ireland still has a long way to go before we can be classified as an open society and it's just a fact of life that the dating scene, for gay and straight people, revolves around alcohol. As a straight woman I've been approached by both straight men and gay women (that was a first!) far more than I ever was in Ireland, same goes for my friend.

I just think if this is really getting you down, and there's nothing stopping you, why not bite the bullet and move away for a year or two, while you're young, free and single? Of course you have other options - mix up your social life, take up a hobbie, start going to meet-ups etc etc...but sometimes wiping the slate clean and changing the scenery is exactly the lease of life you need to change your set of circumstances.

Best of luck with everything. And remember - you're very young, you have it all ahead of you

rere

Have you see this group before? http://www.meetup.com/Dublin-LGBTQ-Womens-Social-Networking-Club/
It's a women's LGBT group, lots of different activities and friendly people.

Odaise Gaelach

I really can't give you any advice other than to endorse what other people have said to you, and that you should not lose hope! You're still young and you seem like a nice young woman. I've got no doubt that you'll meet someone really special.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone...guess I'll just have to keep my head up...if I could take a pill and wake up tomorrow as a straight woman I would in an instant. It seems for every lesbian out there, there's 10,000 straight girls

FouxDaFaFa

Hey OP, I'm not sure where you're based but if there is a college near you they often have some form of LGBT society which has meetups and events so members can meet new people and socialise a bit, not necessarily in a club setting. They would be more your age-group than the other organisation mentioned. You may not be able to officially join if you don't go to the college but I'm sure they wouldn't mind you heading along to events.

If it's any consolation, I'm the same age as you and straight and it's pretty hard for me to meet guys too because I don't like meeting people in a club setting, like yourself. Try not to be too down about this, it's obvious from your posts you're a nice girl.