And so it begins

Auguste Comte

Hi, following on from my introduction post I have made the first move.

Sent off two registered letters this morning. One to the contact register to put my details there, the other to the adoption authority to request details of the agency that arranged my adoption and any other relevant details they might have.

So hurry up and wait will no doubt be the next move. Has anybody gone through this process recently, any idea how long it takes to get info from the adoption authority?

Also wondering has anybody gone through the tracing process having been born in the U.K. and adopted in Ireland, I'm hardly the first to go through this process. Applying for british citizenship is one possibility but seems overly complicated,any other avenues worth exploring?. What info would I need to do a birth record search in the uk?

That's it for now. I'll keep the thread updated as events unfold. As ever any help,advice,tips etc most welcome

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Auguste.

kathy finn

hi, i know of people who where born in england and adopted in ireland, if ur on facebook their is a few groups, adoption rights alliance and adoption support network of ireland might be some help....kathy

Auguste Comte

kathy finn wrote: »

hi, i know of people who where born in england and adopted in ireland, if ur on facebook their is a few groups, adoption rights alliance and adoption support network of ireland might be some help....kathy

I'll look into that now. Thanks.

LennieB

Hi Auguste,

I was born in the UK (London) and adopted in Ireland and have been through the tracing and reunion process. Like you also I have 1 sister who is also adopted (but no interest in tracing) and both my parents are now deceased, my mum some years ago and dad just a couple of years. I didn't write an intro post but will try and give you as brief and informative info as possible (I'm not sure if there is a way you could PM me through this site if you want more info)
I am 41 now and started the tracing process back in 2005. Like you I had always known I was adopted but wasn't discussed much, the only info I had from my parents was that I was born in the UK and my birthmother wanted me to be brought up in Ireland. I was adopted at 3 mths from an agency in the South. Growing up I was curious now and then about my background but it was never something I thought about pursuing and to be honest it never even crossed my mind that there would be much information available if I did. It was only in 2005 when the publicity about the contact register was coming online etc. that it sparked an interest and I started browsing the internet and discovered that HSE South held the files for my adoption agency. I just rang them and they told me to send in a letter with any info I had and they would contact me later. At this point I never even thought about reunion, just getting some info like medical history or something. Anyway, I got an appointment with a social worker sooner in a matter of weeks and drove down on the day to meet her. I was quite surprised to find she had a lot of information on my file about my birthparents (non-identifying of course, just firstnames and details about them), and details about me as a baby...there were also letters on file from my b'mother that she had sent to the nun from the agency when she returned to the UK (she was working over there at the time and came back with me to hand me over for the adoption)enquiring after me. It was a hugely emotional day for me - it was strange finding out all this info that I never would have thought would have been there and reading those letters. Anyway the social worker (who was fantastic) told me that because I was born in the UK I was entitled to my original file there (she told me the adoption was arranged by the Catholic Children's Society in London - they arranged a lot of the adoptions for babies of Irish women based in the UK). I thought about it for a few months and then contacted the CCS in London - again I got a very quick apt and flew over for the day to meet them.
They had an even bigger file on me including all original documents from the hospital where I was born, notes on my b'mother's visits to the agency (before and after I was born) etc. But the important thing was that there was a form with all my birthmother and birthfather's details on it. Anyway to cut this a bit short(!) I did some research in the registration office the next day back home and discovered that my birthparents had married and were living in the West of Ireland. I rang the social worker to tell her all the info I got in London and she said they could start a reunion process if I wanted pretty much straight away as I had all the info. I left it and thought about this for a few mths, contacted her again and she set the ball rolling by contacting my birthparents. It took a while but they agreed to contact me, we wrote for ages (over couple of years), exchanged photos etc, met in HSE office with Social worker in 2007 and have been in contact since. We get on well, keep in touch and meet up once a year or so with my hubbie and children.

As I say if you want to ask me anything about the process that I didn't mention feel free - there's a lot more I could say but I think this is long enough!
LK.

Auguste Comte

Hey thanks for that, similar story. Great to hear a positive outcome.

Sounds like having been born in the UK might simplify things, a lot more openness over there.

Thanks again for the input, I'll wait to see what I hear back from the adoption authority and see where to go from there and might have a few questions then.

Auguste.

LennieB

No problem Auguste, the best of luck with it and hopefully you won't have to wait too long for responses, it certainly does speed up the process being born in the UK as the legislation is different over there. If you know the Irish agency that arranged your adoption here they should be able to point you to the agency in the UK that worked in conjunction with them and hopefully they would have the original file. I will be glad to help with any queries.

Auguste Comte

Hi, a quick update.

I heard back from the adoption authority to tell me that my details would go onto the contact preference register and which agency arranged my adoption. Pretty good service in less than a week.

The agency is closed down and the records are with the Health Service Executive North East, NCR in Dublin,so my my next move will be to write to them asking for my non -identifying information. The trace guide gives a great list of questions to ask, would I be better off to include all the questions or should I put a shorter list together?

That's it so far, I'll be back with anymore updates, questions etc, as ever all tips advice etc most welcome.

Auguste

tyview

Auguste Comte wrote: »

Hi, a quick update.

I heard back from the adoption authority to tell me that my details would go onto the contact preference register and which agency arranged my adoption. Pretty good service in less than a week.

The agency is closed down and the records are with the Health Service Executive North East, NCR in Dublin,so my my next move will be to write to them asking for my non -identifying information. The trace guide gives a great list of questions to ask, would I be better off to include all the questions or should I put a shorter list together?

That's it so far, I'll be back with anymore updates, questions etc, as ever all tips advice etc most welcome.

Auguste

Hey Auguste,

Thats great work so far. I hate to put a dampner on things but if the HSE is Park House then my experience of them is that they dont just give out the non identifying information. They like to meet you in person and that can take a little while. It would be no harm to give them a ring and see if they do this with everyone and what the wait will be.

LennieB

Hi Auguste,

That's great to get the ball rolling. When I contacted the HSE South in 2005 I first got a letter to say they received my letter with my details and that a social worker would contact me in due course. I was lucky enough to get an appointment within a few weeks to see her, despite the fact they had told me there was a long waiting time. Also a few months later when I decided to contact the agency in London I first got a letter to confirm my contact and some documentation and just after that I received an appt for the following week to meet the social worker there, which was very quick considering the HSE had told me I could be waiting up to a year or so! Hopefully the waiting times aren't too long now although with the increased interest in tracing and recent publicity on radio shows etc I'm sure they are busy.
I didn't put a list of q's for them, just asked for any information they had (at that time I was just interested in finding out the timeline for my first 3 months, but as I said they had quite a lot info on me - they would have recieved this info from the CCS in London and gave it to me in non-identifying format).

Auguste Comte

Hi again.
Well I eventually got around to ringing park house and was talking to a very helpful lady.
I was told the waiting time for a trace was approx 18 months, I didn't ask weather that was to start the trace or finish it.

When I said I was not really interested in a trace right now only access to my non identifying details I was told that should not take so long but there might not be much information on file. So that letter went off this morning, see what happens.

Having done some more digging I am 99.9% sure I know my birth name and the name of the UK agency that arranged my adoption so I will see where I can get with that, there seems to be a lot of on line resources in the UK and a lot more openness.

That's it for now, as soon as there are any developments I'll back.

Auguste


PS. apparently the people who look after adoption records are moving building this month, not likely to speed things up I would think.

kam3qnwvebf4jh

Hi Auguste,

My wife was in a similar situation to yours in that she only had first name and place of birth in the UK. Using the official GRO website to look for her cert was out of the question as it required mothers surname etc..
I found a commercial website (if mods have a problem with me quoting website, I can pm it to you)

www.bmdindex.co.uk

which for a small fee (5 euro) allows you to do partial searches i.e such as first name, year etc. It brings back a list of entries from which you can probably deduct which is yours based on place of birth in the uk also. Anyways when you identify the actual cert line or even a bunch of them, you also get the
- district
- volume
- page
With these 3 items you can then apply to the official UK GRO web site for your cert.
Now for the important bit which most people probably dont know, there is a tick box which asks if you are adopted. Check this and it will remove the requirement for birth parents details i.e surnames etc. Hit the order button.

It might be worth stickying this in the traceguides above.

Keep us posted on how you get on !

ReturnOfThe

Auguste Comte

Hi.
Well next chapter. I sent off a registered letter to park house and still haven't had an acknowledgment tho I know it was signed for.

So I was going through the little paperwork I have at home and came across a phone number in the uk that was printed on some stationary along with an address and when I ran them through google it turns out its the same number as the catholic children's society in London.

Being a chancer I sent them an email with my details stating that I would like access to whatever information they have on my adoption as if i knew they had arranged things and low an behold after a week I get a mail back confirming that they have a file on me.

They have a two month waiting time for an appointment to see them for an interview and to get the file.

Having since talked to them on the phone they seem very helpful and cooperative. I could have the file sent over here but it would then come under Irish legislation so would be edited accordingly so it's a trip to London for me to get the unedited version.

I think I have found out some details about my BM and family but think I will stop looking until I get the file and see what it contains.

That's my progress so far, I'm just glad that I don't have to go through the ridiculess Irish system.

Any updates an ill keep ye informed.

Auguste

tyview

Thats great new Auguste! Hopefully it has lots of very useful information in it! I so wished the irish system was like the UK in that respect.

I've seen a post somewhere that the Social Workers in Park House have moved to blanchardstown corporate park, ballycoolin. From memory it was about march 16th so that might explain the delay in them replying to them.

LennieB

Just saw your post there now Auguste as haven't been on here for a while. That's great news about the CCS (I probably should have suggested it in the first place to contact them). The best of luck with the appointment - they are so lovely there.

Auguste Comte

Hi again.
Well quite a lot of progress since I last posted.

I received a reply from the HSE and had a meeting with a social worker at their offices in Ballycoolin. While the SW was lovely and understanding I found the experience to be completely unsatisfactory. The information I was given was my BM's first name,that she was from Fermanagh, her age (in years not d.o.b.) that I have a half brother 2 years older than me who was also adopted and a first name for my birth father. When I received this information in written form it consisted of one a4 page which included the HSE header and footer.

Over all I found it to be an emotionally neutral experience, just bare facts that didn't feel personal to me but having said that I don't know exactly what I was expecting.

A couple of weeks later I had an appointment with the CCS in London and following on from my experience with the HSE I didn't have any great expectations for the meeting and headed off with that in mind.

Well, things could not have been more different, again the social worker was lovely and understanding but the information that was made available to me was the complete file from the time of my adoption and the follow up reports from the social workers both In the UK Ireland.

The file included the full names and dob of birth Mother and Father, full address of BM in Fermanagh before she moved to London,a copy of birth and baptismal certs what she worked at, and, more important an insight into her life at the time. You would have to be made of stone not to be moved by the story, I was completely unprepared for the emotional ride that followed. The report from the SW that brought me from London to my Parents in Dublin would bring tears to a stone.

It turns out that the half brother that I had been told about by the HSE Is a full brother. I still can't think of a reason why they would give wrong information but that doesn't matter to me now.

I had a couple of days in London after I met with the CCS and spent the time going to see as many relevant places as I could, where my BM lived at the time, hospital I was born in, church I was baptised in etc which I found both emotional and fulfilling.

So now the next dilemma, trace and contact. Using the pay web sites in the UK I have found that my BM is stilll alive and know where she lives. She had 3 more children after she married and is still in London. She is in her 70's now so if I'm going to make contact I should probably do it sooner rather than later. The SW said that they could facilitate this if that is what I want but I really don't know if I want to intrude into the life of an old lady who has possibly put what was obviously a very traumatic time behind her.

Knowing that I have a brother out there is also a strange thaught and contacting him is not so high up my priority list for some reason. A trace would have to be carried out by the Irish authority's as he was adopted through an agency in cork at the time.

That's my story so far, quite a journey.
If I can help anybody just get in touch.
Thanks for reading.

Auguste

aprilbaby

My own experience would say go for it. My BM was very reluctant to meet and it was very clear that the adoption had been hugely traumatic for her. But we did meet recently and all the monsters she had created in her own head about the adoption, that I would hate her, that I was unhappy etc were all swept away when she realised I'm a pretty well adjusted twenty something who is very grateful to her for giving me the wonderful family I have.

My BF is dead, and he wasn't old, and I do find that I'm sad that I will never meet him and get a sense of him in person - I'm relying on third party descriptions and cobbled together photographs. I don't dwell on it because there's nothing I can do as he died when I was 19 so there was never any chance I would meet him but if this woman is in her 70s I would say go for it. Don't assume you know how she'll feel, only deal in what you know yourself to be capable of and what you want out of it. Maybe she is wishing every day that you make contact? There are so many variables, that for me, I think its always better to just go for it because then at least you know whereas if you don't and she passes on you will only be guessing at how she would have reacted and for me it's those circular what ifs that wreck my head.

Anyway, that's only my 2cents! Best of luck with it!

bethany 101

I have been following your story with interest as it is so similar to mine.I am waiting to hear back from CCS . after contacting HSE South in June 2012 for information on my adoption in 1960. Your story has lifted my spirits and I hope to visit London soon and visit all the relevant places, where I was born, is all I Know at present. I first went in search of my BM 30 years ago and over a four year period the adoption agency contacted her but she didnt want to have any contact then. I found the information that was given to me here was very disappointing. I would only be given my birth cert if my birth mother is deceased. Im hoping to have a similar out come as your. wish you all the best in the future

LennieB

Hi Auguste,

I would say to take a bit of time to digest all the information and then decide what you want to do - it took me 4 months after meeting with the CCS to ring my (Irish) social worker to give her the go-ahead to initiate contact. My decision was based on letting my birthparents know that I was around and available for contact should they want it, while preparing to accept whatever decision they made in that regard. As I said before it took them a while (it came as a shock obviously and then they were afraid their children (who they have never told about me)would be contacted by me as well), once the social worker assured them that wouldn't happen and met them etc, they agreed to contact and we started writing - this went on for a few years before we eventually met.
It also came out in my social workers meeting with my birthparents that they had given up another girl for adoption the year after I was born - so I have a full sister who was also adopted. I haven't gone down the route of tracing her though.
A good book I read when I was trying to make up my mind to contact my birthparents or not was "Motherhood Silenced" by Ruth Kelly - it's about the experience of Irish birthmothers and the adoption and reunion process and I found it helpful to read about it from their viewpoint. Like Aprilbaby said it can be healing for them but there are so many emotions as it brings up the past and they have to deal with all the secrets too, but the consensus for almost all those mothers interviewed for the book was that they glad they met their birthchild, regardless of the way the relationship went from there. In our case we took it all at a similar pace (v slowly!) which helped (social worker said we were like peas in a pod that way). We still keep contact and meet occasionally but there are still a lot of people that don't know on their side. They are very happy to have gone through the reunion though and so am I. Again the social worker that acted as intermediary was brilliant, they go out of the picture once the reunion happens and that can be the difficult part as you have to assess the relationship and where to go from there but once again if you can take it at a similar pace it works well.
The best of luck with it and if you have any q's at all from someone who's been through it just let me know! I know every situation is different but if I can be of any help..

mamafi

Hi Guys...reading all these stories is giving me some idea of how my hubby is feeling atm...got a letter a month ago from the hse to tell us that there was someone looking for info about my hubby (who was adopted from St. Clares in Stamullen). We only buried my hubbies adopted Mam 6 months ago. This letter was a shock and then when hubby met the social worker she told him that his bm is dead.He is finding this very hard to deal with and he is feeling very guilty that he didn'd going searching for her . On the plus side he has been told that he is one of 7 children that his bm had. Waiting to get in touch with the social worker again next week when she comes back after 3 weeks hols... Oh yes and 1 question that someone might be able to answer ...there was 1 sibling that was adopted but there is no record of this adoption...what could have happened there...any ideas