Rap-battle type combat in RPGs.

gufnork

I've had a great idea, or i might have nicked it from some other forum. In fact i'm pretty sure it's nicked, but anyway i was browsing aimlessly through various comic-y, rpg-y type forums and threads when i began thinking how cool it would be to enter into a more realistic combat type situation rather than sit rolling dice or what not. Take a look at this and then tell me i'm wrong,

This is a battle between Cyberwolf77(yeah, it's him...) and Squirrel Girl,

Cyberwolf looks like the easy victor here, but looks are oft deceiving.
Squirrel Girl has many powers, most importantly hazelnut flavoured lips. The lip flavouring has little bearing on this match, it's just very important.

Squirrel Girl can out maneuver (I hate spelling that word and I feel firefox dictionary has once again let me down) Cyberwolf using her jumping and other squirrel like abilities. She has enhanced strength and other attributes, but I reckon Cyber may have her in the strength department. His claws look more formidable than hers but she can still deliver a sting.

If she called upon the squirrels I think Cyberwolf would just eat them.

But Squirrel Girl wins. Why, when it seems all is stacked up against her? Well, tournie tricksters, let me tell you.

It is well known that a werewolf's strengths and skills are of a natural sort, which is why metals such as silver can prove so fatal to their general workings. By cybering himself up Cyberwolf may have increased certain skills and gained some amounts of armour, but he has ultimately interrupted the natural skills that make him a deadly predator. Think of Wolverine when he had the adamantium stripped from him... they discovered it was holding back his natural abilities for so long, and the effect would be even worse with a werewolf such as Cyberwolf. So I think in this regard we shouldn't heap too much praise on Cyber's skills. If it was animal on animal I'd have given squirrelzy less chance, but in his diminished capacity I think wolfie is but another Doom waiting to happen.

The second point not yet mentioned is the Lesser Spotted Greater Latverian Sabre Squirrel, a prehistoric ancestor of the modern squirrel, who often stands (on it's hind feet) up to 5foot tall. They're dark of colour with developed claws, large serrated teeth and a jaw strength that can crack skulls. While off-shoots became smaller and adapted to tree-living and nut munching in order to survive attacks from predators, the LSGLSS grew larger, stronger and faster and is now quite happy leaping from a log and taking out a lone wolf that has strayed away from the pack.
Squirrel Girl will summon the LSGLSS to deal major damage to Cyberwolf while the more regular squirrels distract and confuse Wolfie. Squirrel girl will ultimately dash his brains out with her knuckle spikes and super squirrel strength.


If for some bizarre reason Cyberwolf survives.... Squirrel will just hide high, wait for him to change into a more human form and then give him the thrashing of his life.

+1 Squirrel Girl!

Original thread link here.

Now i know we've all seen this type of thing on boards and elsewhere before but just think of the possibilities.

No dice for a start. But more importantly, a more realistic way of doing battle in your RPGs(even solo ones). Just picture the characters in your minds eye - relax - breath deeply - and let rip...

It's kind of like a guided argument or maybe a type of thought experiment gone awry or something. Well, you get the idea.

What do you think. Is this genius or what?