Should I tell my husband that I’m bulimic?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I’d like to hear your opinion about this.
I’m 28 years old and have struggled with my weight all my life. I know how to lose weight in a healthy way and did so in the past but have put it all back on after a surgery.
Last year my husband and I decided to get pregnant. My doctor said I would need to lose weight first to avoid a high-risk pregnancy.
Sometimes I feel like this is too much pressure.
So far I’ve lost some weight by eating healthy and exercising but sometimes - especially when I’m home alone (my husband has late shift every other week) - I can’t stop myself from eating bad things or way too much. Then I panic and throw up.
By now I can barely stand to eat a slightly larger meal without feeling the need to throw up. To gauge the severity of this I probably throw up 2-4 times a month.
I don’t even know if I’m actually bulimic (that’s probably just denial on my part).

I would like to tell my husband but I don’t want him to feel bad. Also I’m scared of what he might say and I’m very ashamed of myself.
What makes it even worse is the fact that two of my friends have managed to lose weight and get pregnant without any apparent effort.

Thank you!

Sleepy

No-one loses weight without any effort. Some people just like to portray themselves as finding things easy.

Stop comparing yourself to others and compare yourself to yourself: beat your own records ("I've now gone X months without forcing myself to throw up", "I'm now able to cover my 5km run in x minutes whereas when I started I was doing it in x+5" etc.)

Your husbands support would help in this but, if he's like a typical Irishman, don't be surprised if he to understand. To a lot of people, eating disorders like anorexia and bullemia appear more like stupidity than mental illness.

prinz

Tell your husband, discuss it with your GP and think about counselling.

There is no healthy quick-fix to losing weight. Exercise more, eat better (not necessarily less). The throwing up could have serious health implications further down the line.

going un-reg

OP, without even reading your whole post, your post's title can give you the answer you need, and that is "Yes".

If you can't tell your own husband about your condition, who could you possibly tell? I know people don't tell, especially family members about personal conditions as to not worry them, but he's your husband for a reason.

How do you think he' react finding out 3/4/5 months down the line that you never told him? I'd be personally hurt that my own wife didn't have the ability to confide in me.

He can help, he'll be able to provide the support you'll need to get over this.

username123

Yes - tell your husband.

Its nothing to be ashamed of, you are after getting into a bad habit that could become something more serious if its not addressed, the mere fact you recognise its something to be concerned about is a positive sign.

No one loses weight with no effort. I quit smoking in January after a long relationship with the ciggies, it was hard. But it wasnt as hard as losing weight, Im in a constant battle with it myself and I exercise 8 times a week!

Stop beating yourself up, you gained weight after a surgery, it happens. Try to get into a positive mindset, you have a goal in mind so a good reason to get into a healthier way of living.

And do talk to your husband, if you cant tell him then who can you tell?

Neyite

Tell him and you will probably find that his love and support will help you so much. I would advise talking to a nutritionist or GP too.

Unfortunately, getting pregnant and healthy living go hand in hand. Eating healthy foods and taking supplements such as folic acid or prenatal vitamins, as well as keeping active all assist in the getting preggers project.

When you do get pregnant, things like morning sickness, and restricting certain foods could be difficult to go through without it impacting on your bullimia, so its wise to ensure that you talk to someone. That way you dont let the baby or baby making become an excuse for your bullimia, as I'm sure it must be hard to manage it on its own.

LegacyUser

OP go speak with your GP and get professional help. Eating disorders are serious conditions that can take over your life and end it, trust me I've been there and watched two friends die from them. Do not set yourself goals or records to beat - eating disorders are not about food and weight but more about being able to control your body. It's very easy to get taken over with pushing yourself to not eat for x amount of hours while running x amount of hours then pushing even harder to break that while punishing yourself if you fail with binge eating and purging. It's a very hard cycle to break out of so I would strongly recommend seeking professional help. It is important to realise that you are not alone. There are many people who have been through your situation and come out of it healthy.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your advice and kind words.
I will tell him tonight and see where we'll go from there.

How did it go?

Ickle Magoo

boneyarsebogman, as per the forum charter, please do not bump threads just to request updates.

Cheers.

gud4u

You know you have to tell him, I have BED and told my husband, but I agree with Sleepy, he's as supportive as any man with a busy job will be:rolleyes:.

We to are long term trying to concieve and the stress of it not happening didn't do much for me or him.

You need to be eating properly if you're ttc, as stated you need your proper vits and folic acid.

I think there's a pregnancy forum on here too, maybe you can get more advice there too.

Take care

Princess Peach

I hope you told him. I can understand how you were scared though. I've been bulemic for a few years now. I told my boyfriend when we started going out, because I thought I had beat it at the time. Never told him when I had relapses. There's no logical reason why, just something I do in secret I guess.

But I know he, and I hope your husband, would be very supportive. I think telling him will be a big help to you. He can keep an eye on what food you buy and eating habits.

I agree with what was said above about how morning sickness may affect your illness. Last relapse I had was a couple of months ago when I had a bug, and I used it as an excuse to purge for a while.

Do get counseling. I just know from my own experience its not something I have been able to beat alone. I hope all goes well for you and your husband and your plans

LegacyUser

I told him and it went okay. He was and is very supportive and understanding. It took a lot of pressure of me.
We'll see how I manage with his help for a while and when I get worse again I'll go for some outside help.

@PrincessPeach: Don't you think telling your boyfriend about the relapse would help you, too?

Neyite

ShouldItell wrote: »

I told him and it went okay. He was and is very supportive and understanding. It took a lot of pressure of me.
We'll see how I manage with his help for a while and when I get worse again I'll go for some outside help.

Thats excellent news. . One thing I found on the whole baby-making journey is that we were in this together. When we were getting tests done they could have easily come back with bad news regarding either of us but to us it was irrelevant "who" had the health problem, it was "us" that focused on solving it.

Maybe focusing on healthy changes for both of you as a team will help you greatly - its not just you that needs a healthy diet, he does too, so its a good excuse to ban junk food from the house altogether and take on some excercise routines together - like walking or swimmng. Good luck with the baby-making!

Princess Peach

ShouldItell wrote: »

I told him and it went okay. He was and is very supportive and understanding. It took a lot of pressure of me.
We'll see how I manage with his help for a while and when I get worse again I'll go for some outside help.

@PrincessPeach: Don't you think telling your boyfriend about the relapse would help you, too?

So glad you did, I know it must have been hard. I made myself sick yesterday for the first time in a couple of months, didn't tell my boyfriend. I live far away and I guess I don't want him to worry about me. But have my first appointment with a psychologist in the morning and doing a group eating disorder class starting Wednesday.

Be proud of yourself, it was a big step to take. Beating it yourself can be hard, but I'm sure its possible. Just don't be scared to get help if you find in time your not able to do it alone.

I am a friend

ShouldItell wrote: »

Sometimes I feel like this is too much pressure.

Well maybe you should shelve the whole idea of having kids for a while so... The last thing you need is a stressful pregnancy on top of everything.

ShouldItell wrote: »

I can’t stop myself from eating bad things or way too much.

But you can...

LegacyUser

Please please stop this while you are in control of this and you can walk away before you are swallowed by this disorder. I am sorry about my username i am not the op but i posted a while back about my own struggles with this disease. I am sitting here with a sore stomach from over eating as i am trying to not give in and purge. I can not admit how horrible,stressed,quilty and agitated this makes me feel. You can diet without the extremity you are going, because in the long run losing weight in this way is so unhealthy that you are prob better off putting on weight instead of losing it. Please please learn from me, take the support of your husband and join weightwatchers or some other support group who will allow you to lose weight in a healthy way. You would not believe how rapid this disorder can take over your life. Take care x

neuro-praxis

..op wrote: »

Please please learn from me, take the support of your husband and join weightwatchers or some other support group who will allow you to lose weight in a healthy way. You would not believe how rapid this disorder can take over your life. Take care x

This is very well meaning advice but very very wrong.

A diet is not the cure for an eating disorder. It never will be. People with eating disorders can not and must not diet.

Get specialised help. I recommend www.marinotherapycentre.com. If you don't live near them they can recommend somewhere near you to help you.