Family crisis - my brother, the junkie and their child - help

LegacyUser

Hello boards

My brother's partner has moved onto hard drugs and we are concerned for their child. Apparently this has been slowly happening over the past year, but they hid it well until we noticed child neglect.

We have reported this to Garda and Social Services but they can't (or won't) intervene. I don't know if it takes a tragedy or criminal event before they actively get involved. Maybe this is a normal situation for them, but it is not for the rest of our family, who have never had to deal with this before and my parents are beside themselves with worry.

Has anyone an idea what we can do - we've supported the couple for years but it appears we were just enabling their addictions.

barbiegirl

Could you try talking to them honestly and without recrimination when they are sober. I know it might be hard to catch them but then they might be reasonable.
If you can get them to agree to your niece/nephew staying with family until things get better it is a step in the right direction. Explain to them that it is only for the childs good, that you don't want the child witnessing hard drugs being taken. Download stories and photos from the net. Agree that they can visit the child anytime they want as long as they are sober and it within normal acceptable hours. That they are the parents and will always be, that you only want to protect the child. Hopefully their love of the child will allow you to step in. Reassure them that when they get clean they can resume parenting.
Please keep trying to help.

Carriexx

Social services wont get involved unless the child is being hurt physically unfortunately, and they wont let you take the child in case they lose their benefits ( if they are on benefits ) went through all this a few years ago with one of my friends. just be there for the child as much as you can

Abi

The gardai will only pass on the information to social services. The social services then open up a case and monitor the family over a period of time. Unfortunately, there has been major cut backs in the HSE, and the response time can be extremely slow. I'd imagine very serious cases such as violence or very serious neglect would take priority. I'd hate to imagine what kind of stuff is slipping through the cracks as a result, it's an outrage if you ask me.


Just be persistent, and contact the social services directly. Do you mind my asking, in what way are they being negligent?

Loopy

A couple of years ago I reported the Father of a child who was being neglected, to social services. The first question I was asked was 'is the child in danger'?
I said 'no, but he is filthy dirty and is not eating properly.'
They didn't want to know.
Her words to me were 'tbh we are more concerned with young Billy down in the Flats who is getting the shit kicked out of him every night'.

tyview

What about contacting barnardos or one of them kind of organisations. They might be able to help you or advise you what you should and can do.

LegacyUser

barbiegirl wrote: »

Could you try talking to them honestly and without recrimination when they are sober.

barbiegirl - Talking to them reasonably and kindly for years has done nothing. They have mastered the fine art of telling people what they want to hear but they have shown not one attempt to get sober or clean. Now that the drugs are harder the time for talking is over.

barbiegirl wrote: »

Hopefully their love of the child will allow you to step in

Drug addicts will do anything for their habit and we're sure this is overriding any 'love'. To answer Abi's question, the negligence is they appear to have stopped, or reduced dramatically, the feeding and cleaning their child recently, and we have third party confirmation of this (I can't be specific for obvious reasons).

Carriexx wrote: »

Social services wont get involved unless the child is being hurt physically unfortunately, and they wont let you take the child in case they lose their benefits

Thanks Carrie for that insight - I think this is a more realistic view of the situation - they will hold onto the child for benefits (child allowance) and protection from eviction from their accommodation.

Abi wrote: »

I'd imagine very serious cases such as violence or very serious neglect would take priority.

We are aware of this and that's why we are looking for solutions now. We understand there are cutbacks but do we have to wait until physical (or worse) abuse before the state will act? That only costs more (in health money and personal damage) in the long run.

tyview wrote: »

What about contacting barnardos or one of them kind of organisations.

Thanks tyview - we are working all angles and contacting relevant organisations to see what we can and cannot do. Until now, we were lucky to have no experience of this, so we have to get informed quickly.

Big Bag of Chips

In the meantime, is it possible for anyone to offer to "mind" the child for a night or two? Maybe someone take them for a weekend? I know it's not ideal but at least the child will get fed and washed.

triseke

I have to agree with what Abi says. Yes its awful for you and your family, but the HSE child protection social workers are being cut back time and time again. They just dont have the staff to be able to help, as much as they would like to. THe best thing I can advise, is try to be put a safety plan in place. For instance, is their a pattern to their drug taking? Is it just the weekends? could the child stay with a relative during this time?

Its an awful situation to be in, and I wish you and your family the best