Families

LegacyUser

Hia All, going unreg here,

Want bit of advice, parents currently going through a divorce a bad one of that, while I don’t have issue about them divorcing I do have issue the way both Mam and Dad are behaving, firstly dad insist in not going 50/50 as he thinks mam isn’t entitles to anything he’s saying she walked out etc.. that maybe true as she couldn’t handle his mood swings etc… anyway dad is playing long finger as he’s saying he can’t sell the house until they are legal separated (not sure if that’s true can anyone confirm this) (while I understand can’t ask legal question just want to confirm about the situation about selling house bit) he’s saying he’s no money and is applying for legal aid an all, in mean time I’m putting up with mam going on and on about the bloody divorce and how’s he’s treating her like that after (so many years) she’s keep point that out, mam is going through enough with cancer scare and having issues in work to add to it my other brother who also in middle of it all tried to jump off a bridge.


While I’m on my mothers side on this and everyone else is I’m just getting sick of hearing about the bloody thing sometimes I feel like telling them to **** off and call me when it’s all finished, it’s my birthday next month and I know she’s going to go on and on about it, mam is asking me to try talk to my father, I know he won’t listen she’s keep asking me to talk to him, I’m not the kind of person who likes getting into rows and I don’t want to either dad goes on and on too about how mam is doing this and that and mam is the same

Am I been to selfish by saying I don’t want to know? I do accept that it’s happening while I thought the separation should have happened years ago,


Thanks for reading would like some feed back

Beruthiel

hadenoughofthis wrote: »

Am I been to selfish by saying I don’t want to know?

I've been through a divorce, and though my child was younger than you at the time, I did not discuss any kind of detail with her.
Certainly, I said absolutely nothing derogatory with regards to her father.
Your mother should know better.
I don't care if you are an adult or not, you don't need to be party to the intimate details of their break up and she should have more cop on than to discuss them with you.
Under no circumstances should you try and talk to your father in order to persuade him to do X or Y.
Let your mother get herself a good family solicitor and have him sort out the mess they are in.

There is nothing wrong with you telling your mother that you would rather not discuss the finer points of their divorce. Tell her you find the whole thing depressing and difficult and you would rather ye talk about anything else than that.
That's what councillors are for.
Best of luck.

Daisy M

Beruthiels advice is excellent and every point she made is valid. However from my experience when couples break up many of them seem unable to have the good sense to not involve their children. You shouldnt have to take sides and you shouldnt have to be a mediator either. Not to be harsh but this is their marriage and it is up to them and the courts to sort it. You can ask your mam not to involve you and to discuss it less in front of you but it doesnt mean she will comply. In this case you need to find a way of dealing with it by either switching off or leaving the room after a certain length of time.

planetX

Don't let them drag you in to it. Stand your ground, tell them that it hurts you when they involve you, and change the subject to.. the weather. I listened to years of this stuff before realising that (a)you don't know what's going on between a couple and (b) you really don't want to know.

Fentdog84

Sounds like your mother could be having or is on the verge of some kind of breakdown. These things are never easy but she its not fair of her to be dragging you into this as it isnt really anything to do with you, its up to them to sort out. Just try and stay out of it as much as possible. Is there anyone you can speak to about this independently? Like a teacher at your school, a family friend, an aunt or uncle?