Hi I am Alison and I am an alcoholic

LegacyUser

I don't really know how to start this. I recently realised that alcohol doesnt suit me. I have had too many mornings waking up from the night before thinking that I had had a good night but not knowing for sure because I cant remember everything. I was drinking about the same amount as my friends but was getting really drunk really quickly and on a good night, going home before the last bus because I knew I was too drunk to stay out or on a bad night partying til the sun came up - straight through a black out and coming out the other side. The other thing i noticed was that I was also feeling depressed for the next day - i think its called the fear. Anyhoo, I decided to do something about it and started attending AA meetings.

I was at one last night where it turns out I work in the same college where he is an undergrad. He asked me did I know a guy that he used to work with. I said that I did but not very well. He, just as quickly asked me not to tell the guy he worked with how I knew him. In fairness, I had no intention of telling him anyway just cos its none of my business. But the reason he didnt want me to mention it was because he didnt want to be "outed".

I think there is a real stigma around giving up drinking/having a drink problem in Ireland, and definately for attending support groups, like AA. I am gay and would sooner tell people that I see other women than tell them that I attend A.A. meetings. I know how a person in recoverk a.k.a an alcoholic is seen by the general population. I have an alcoholic mother who ruined my child hood and when I call her an alcoholic, it is different to how I perceive myself. The problem is, since I stopped drinking, the label of alcoholic is really starting to get me down. It seems to me that I didnt have a drink problem until I stopped drinking and now I am ashamed to tell anyone I stopped drinking because it didnt agree with me. What is wrong with this picture? Why do people see me as the failure because I have stopped drinking, why are support groups like A.A. so secretive. So what if I am an alcoholic? So what if I gave up drinking, it never affected my work when I did drink. Why should I be ashamed to tell my work colleagues that I no longer drink. Why should that affect my health insurance? I didn't ruin any family occasions, why am I dreading family gatherings because they will all be keeping the wine well away from me. Why the stigma?

I am getting really down about this. I feel more depressed now that I am not drinking than I ever felt the morning after my friends and I couldnt get a taxi home because we were too drunk. I now feel that people think i have a "problem" and need to be avoided like I have the plague because alcoholism might be catching.

What makes you an alcoholic? I am not like the terrible single mother who had their children taken into custody because they were unfit to take care of them, or the person who killed someone drink driving, or the guy his beat his wife and kids or even the person who got fired from his job because he would neck a bottle of vodka on the way to work just to function. I am none of these people but I feel that is how people would see me if I told them I am an alcoholic and I attend AA.

Why the stigma?

curlzy

Alison456 wrote: »

The problem is, since I stopped drinking, the label of alcoholic is really starting to get me down. It seems to me that I didnt have a drink problem until I stopped drinking and now I am ashamed to tell anyone I stopped drinking because it didnt agree with me. What is wrong with this picture? Why do people see me as the failure because I have stopped drinking, why are support groups like A.A. so secretive. So what if I am an alcoholic? So what if I gave up drinking, it never affected my work when I did drink. Why should I be ashamed to tell my work colleagues that I no longer drink. Why should that affect my health insurance? I didn't ruin any family occasions, why am I dreading family gatherings because they will all be keeping the wine well away from me. Why the stigma?

Why the stigma?

Hey OP,

All of the above issues, are YOUR issues. At no point do you mention people having threated you badly about this. It's all conjecture and imagining how people will react. Do you do the same about being gay? I'd say not, because you have enough sense to realise that anyone that think's less of you for being gay is totally stupid and their opinion is beyond ignorant. It's really more of the reflection of how idiotic they are. I don't feel any kind of superiority or the likes with regards to recovering alcoholics, in fact I feel admiration, Ireland is a hard country to give up drink in. So yeah stop worrying about imagined stigma, if you encounter you'll know what to do which is tell someone "cop the f*ck on, you ignorant tw*t".

Celebrate your sobriety, you're doing brill

Jumpy

Alison456 wrote: »

What makes you an alcoholic? I am not like the terrible single mother who had their children taken into custody because they were unfit to take care of them, or the person who killed someone drink driving, or the guy his beat his wife and kids or even the person who got fired from his job because he would neck a bottle of vodka on the way to work just to function. I am none of these people but I feel that is how people would see me if I told them I am an alcoholic and I attend AA.

Why the stigma?

I am referring to painkillers here but alcohol is covered under the same "brush" so to speak.

Painkillers kill pain. All types of pain. Physical and Mental.

Physical pain will dissipate when the injury is healed.

Mental pain often has no discernable injury. Oh its there alright, you just often dont know what it is.

You notice painkillers kill that pain too and you keep taking it thinking how wonderful it is to live without pain. Then you start to adapt to them and they no longer have the same effect. You take more. Eventually you are on a dangerous dose and cant remember what it was like without them.
People start to notice, you become ashamed and withdraw. People try to tell you that something is wrong. You push them away in case they try to stop you.
Eventually you get to the point that your mind barely exists in the real world and you have pushed everyone away to the point where you are on your own. Then you overdose and die.

If at some point in that pattern you dont recognise what is happening and attempt to heal your mental pain (counselling/psychotherapy/medication/all three - whatever is the bandage for your issue) you will eventually reach that last point.

The stigma is due to poor education on addiction. People fear what they cant even begin to understand.

By the way. You do what is known as Binge Drinking OP. It probably doesnt register in your head the same way as your mother as you are not "staying drunk" so to speak.
Its still dangerous and AA is definitely the right way to go.

A close family member before you ask. I learned a lot and this person was one of the very few that was right at the last step before they dealth with the cause. Not many come back from that far, so count yourself lucky you were smart enough to work it out early.

username123

Alison456 wrote: »

Why the stigma?

I was never aware there was a stigma. I think this is your own issue to deal with, you are projecting your own feelings about yourself going to AA onto the world at large.

My father was a very nasty alcoholic who never got any kind of recovery. I never felt there was any kind of stigma around the recovery aspect of things, in fact, I would have been proud of him had he decided to go to AA or read Rational Recovery or any other method. But he never did.

PK72

There is a strange attitude in Ireland towards alcohol. I don't drink and have been viewed with suspicion by those who do! I have even been asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic - that's how unusual it is not to drink - I don't get it, to be honest.

Being a non-drinker, I never cease to be shocked at the behaviour of the majority when they're drinking. There are some who can handle a few drinks sensibly but in my experience most do not. It seems to be perfectly acceptable to go out, get hammered and basically make an idiot of yourself. Apparently, it's having the craic and the day after is spent in recovery.

Fair due to you for admitting you have a problem and taking steps to deal with it. Over time the habit will change and it will become easier. Best of luck with it. As for the stigma, it's like depression - until people start to openly speak out about it, the shame or stigma factor will remain. With drink it's almost seen as a weakness that you can't hold or handle your drink - this is nonsense. I think a very large amount of people know they're problem drinkers or on the borderline - seeing another admit it frightens them.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I think you've nipped any potential problem with alcohol in the bud by deciding to stop drinking. You say you were binging and blacking out which unfortunately is quite a common occurrence among a high proportion of drinkers in this country so its admirable that you've addressed the issue.

What I'm trying to say is though do you feel you really need to be attending AA meetings, from how you described your drinking it seems your were just overindulging to an extent but had a grip on it, for instance you say that you'd get yourself a bus home if you felt you were too drunk.

If you drop the alcoholic tag you might feel better about it, just tell people you've given up the booze. People more than anything will admire you.

Milk & Honey

O/p what you are experiencing is the classic addiction syndrome. Your mind is playing tricks to try and get you back drinking. many alcoholics justify continuing to drink on the basis "if i stopped, people would think I have a problem". This happens to smokers quitting. It is inevitable that you will experience feelings such as you are having. The thing to remember is that these feelings are simply the last desperate tricks of the demons who have had control of your body. Once you know and show that you are stronger than them they will pack up and go.

LegacyUser

I actually work in the addictions field as a psych nurse. The problem stems from a number of issues. The first being lack of awareness when it comes to addiction. People still think it is a character fault and put the onus on the individual with the problem. I do think society has improved quite a bit, tbh. There is so much new research into addictions and so much material out there. Imagine what it was like to have an issue with alcohol before AA ever existed? It was very scary back then.

When I worked at a hospital I used to speak with parents whose kids were diagnosed with schizophrenia. Well the first thing parents would do is research everything there is to know about it. They want to understand more about it and what measures they had to take to improve their child’s quality of life. They were so open and keen on getting all the facts. Now working at a rehab, I speak with family members about addiction; well the first thing that comes out of them is blaming the individual. They are not interested at all about addiction health issues. Most still see it as the individual character fault. Many refuse to see that there are a myriad of reasons why someone abuses drugs or alcohol. Some eventually come around and learn as to why their son/daughter or husband/wife uses. It is not a character fault but bad coping strategies.

Being in Ireland bares no difference as I had opportunities to work in other countries. Even as far away as Canada, it is just as hard. Wherever there is alcohol there is going to be the same problem because in most countries alcohol is a very acceptable form of social activity. I personally thought Canadians would be more open-minded about people who chose not to drink but learned that was not always the case. The only difference I found was that they had better resources and more funded research than here.

Today there are more people who choose not to drink for health reasons. There are people who don’t drink because they are on certain meds, have depression, are committed to a healthier lifestyle, or simply just don’t like the taste of alcohol. You never have to disclose to someone that you have a problem with alcohol if you are not comfortable. One of the best responses I tell the patients in recovery to give when someone asks why you don’t drink anymore; “I’m diabetic and drink makes me sick”. That works all the time.

I never use the terms “addicts” or “alcoholics” or refer patients as “drug addicts”. Labelling people with these harsh terms only demoralises them and makes them feel bad. Alison, stop calling yourself an alcoholic! You can say, “Hello my name is Alison and I have a problem with alcohol.”

Keep going to your meetings and please see an individual therapist. AA is excellent for support and help but it is not therapy. To get addiction under control you need Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Just stopping is not enough. You need to learn why you drank in excess, identifying your triggers, develop better coping strategies and maintaining motivation. Congratulations on your newfound sobriety!