Not Superman

LegacyUser

Love my gf she loves me...we make eachother happy

but...

When she doesn't get her own way she will generally do something like sulk, ignore me or withold affection.

As an example, she wanted me to drive to her house one night to meet up. (Her house is 2 hours drive from mine) I told her I really wanted to see her (which I did) but that it was late (which it was) and i was tired (which I was!)

She hung up on me, I rang her back and asked her why she had hung up. She said she was only joking....and tried to make light of the situation. But she had done this before. I told her that she cannot do that.....she cannot make me feel bad for not doing something. It's unrealistic to think that someone will drop everything at a moments notice.

I love her, but If I cannot say no, then I have no boundaries. If there are no boundaries, then the relationship is unsustainable.

Beruthiel

You need to say all of the above to her and to get her to understand that acting like a petulant teenager is not attractive.

Abi

I wouldn't have called her back, you're only feeding her immature behaviour. I take it you're both quite young. She only gets away with this because you allow it, stop running after her, it's the only way she's going to learn that she's not going to win every time she thows a stroppy.

Gyalist

By calling her back you are rewarding her poor behaviour. If she continues to get your attention when she behaves poorly, she has no incentive to behave better.

Neyite

Not Superman wrote: »

Love my gf she loves me...we make eachother happy

but...

When she doesn't get her own way she will generally do something like sulk, ignore me or withold affection.

As an example, she wanted me to drive to her house one night to meet up. (Her house is 2 hours drive from mine) I told her I really wanted to see her (which I did) but that it was late (which it was) and i was tired (which I was!)

She hung up on me, I rang her back and asked her why she had hung up. She said she was only joking....and tried to make light of the situation. But she had done this before. I told her that she cannot do that.....she cannot make me feel bad for not doing something. It's unrealistic to think that someone will drop everything at a moments notice.

I love her, but If I cannot say no, then I have no boundaries. If there are no boundaries, then the relationship is unsustainable.

If she is going to act like a toddler, which by the sounds of it she is, then you need to treat her toddler behaviour accordingly. You'd want Supernanny to put manners on her!

Just ignore and dont pander to sulks, strops or tantrums. Just ignore totally. When she sees that these do not get results, and that mature communication and consideration for others does get her results, she may change her behaviour. When she has totally calmed down, you expect an apology for the way that you were treated. The next time she hangs up, dont ring her back.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. You've kind of validated what I've already been doing....ie ignoring her when she's like that and it seems to be working. She's beginning to realize that what she was doing was unrealistic and unsustainable. She loves me and knows I love her but she also knows I'm not completely entangled in her woman web!

Concerning maturity-did I come across like a teenager!!?? I'm 30 and have been in quite a few relationships. She's 25 and has been in lots of short-term relationships but this would be her first long-term relationship.

Podgers

I used to go out with a girl like that, for a very long time and put up with it too.

as the previous posters said, you shouldn't have rang her back, you were giving her the attention she was looking for. if she sulks again around you don't pay any attention, if she wants something she shouldn't be acting like a child.

there's an ebook I was reading called no more Mr nice guy, there's a section that deals with this type of behaviour. Regarding maturity, nothing suggested you are a teenager but the way she behaves is immature, and they wont change if you continue to accept it, and people are not like that only in their teens as many would think, many continue if they get away with it.

Abi

Not Superman wrote: »

Thanks everyone. You've kind of validated what I've already been doing....ie ignoring her when she's like that and it seems to be working. She's beginning to realize that what she was doing was unrealistic and unsustainable. She loves me and knows I love her but she also knows I'm not completely entangled in her woman web!

Concerning maturity-did I come across like a teenager!!?? I'm 30 and have been in quite a few relationships. She's 25 and has been in lots of short-term relationships but this would be her first long-term relationship.

I thought we were talking about a pair of teenagers considering the problem, holy moly.. Shes terribly immature for a 25yr old. In which case just tell her out straight that you're no longer going to put up with her childish behaviour. As I said earlier, do not chase after her. Let her stroppy fits go unrewarded, stick to your guns on this. She needs to swallow a bottle of cop on this one :S

lace

Hi OP!

As other posters have said - this is immature and ignoring it is probably the best way to go about dealing with it.

I know I've occasionally reacted a bit strongly to things with my OH but in those cases I've always realized I was being harsh and apologized profusely right away. We all get caught up in our own wants and feelings sometimes but it sounds like your girlfriend is doing this on a fairly regular basis.

If I were you I'd tell her that this kind of behaviour may have worked with previous partners or with parents when she was a child but it's definitely not going to work here and that she needs to mature a little if she wants to have a mature relationship.