irish mammy

ilovesleep

The recession has me back at home. My savings not that I had much were bled dry by family asking for loans, a good 800 euro never to be seen again. Then I had to take a huge drop in pay. I wasn't able for rent and followed. I tried to hang onto the apartment for as long as I could but diet went to nothing. I lived of porridge, teabags and watered down milk for 3 months.

I had no choice but to move. Unforunately, due to work, the location, the lack of public transport - back home I had to go.

My brothers are living at home for now with my mam. The problem is I am expected to pay my way while they get off free with excuses - ah saving for australia, I'm told. Thing is if I was to turn around in the morning and decided to emerigrate my mother wouldn't care. I'd be expected to pay my way and save whats left. Different stories for her sons. She spends 100 euro a week on grocercies all for them and 20 euro is not even expected of them. My brothers have plently of money to go to the pub most weekends and save what's left over. They are all doing nixers on social welfare topping up their money - mam and my brothers.

How do I change this? How do I get my mother to realise what she is doing is sexist abuse and that's all it is. She is being emotionally manipulate lately giving me the silent treatment because no doubt I'm not giving her enough money unless if she is ranting and raving about bills.

I want to sersiously die. No joke.

It's demeaning. She been sexist since I was a kid and she is only happy with me whenever I'm providing her or my brothers with money.

ongarboy

Hi OP, you are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here, aren't you? As long as you live under your mother's roof, you have to adhere to her terms and conditions, no matter how unfair. If you don't like it, you can leave...but that is the crux in that you can't afford it. Personally, I would consider a house share with others nearer your work if that was possible. Rents are cheaper these days, particularly if you are sharing with 3 or more other tenants. Are you sure you cannot consider cheaper accommodation offerings? 1000s of students who don't have rich parents do it every year on minimum income.

Failing that, I suggest you request a meeting with your mother and try at all costs to keep emotion, blame and confrontation out of it. Prepare a list in advance of what your income is each week along with all your essential outgoings so that she can see how much of a struggle it is for you to make ends meet so that you can go through a meaningful way of tackling this. How she treats her adult sons is her business and it would be unwise to try and get her to change now. I suspect many of their flaws and their general attitudes now are down to how she reared him. But you may try to suggest that if housekeeping/upkeep costs were shared equally among all the adult children it might be a bigger help to the mother. I suspect she won't compromise but it is worth a short.

Failing this, I would try and do as recommended first and move out. Contact MABS if you need assistance yourself on how to manage money should you choose this option. I would for the sense of liberation as the environment in your family home is quite toxic in my opinion.

The Corinthian

Next time she comes looking for money from you, tell her you can't as you're saving to go to Australia, but you'll happily transfer the debt owed to you by your family.

And look to move out ASAP as advised above.

tinkerbell

Tell her you'll start paying your way once your €800 has been paid back to you in full. End of.

Taltos

OP

please go to your GP immediately and inform them you are feeling suicidal.
Unfortunately once an intent or desire for death has been expressed we have to close the thread as we are not qualified to help.

Please see the appropriate help, there are links for resources in our charter,
Taltos