Ex Boyfriend hates me

scarymoon1

I was with a guy for 3 months and he ended things last week saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. Before I got with him I made it clear I didn't want to be hurt and if he wasn't over his last relationship then don't ask me out! He was with a girl for years and were broke up with 1 year. He assured me he was over it and so we had a great 3 months. So last week was a total shock and I got really mad that he decided he wasn't ready after him telling me he loved me and I was the one etc. he now doesn't want anything to do with me because of the hurtful things I said to him. How can things change so quickly in a week??

IrishEyes19

scarymoon1 wrote: »

I was with a guy for 3 months and he ended things last week saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. Before I got with him I made it clear I didn't want to be hurt and if he wasn't over his last relationship then don't ask me out! He was with a girl for years and were broke up with 1 year. He assured me he was over it and so we had a great 3 months. So last week was a total shock and I got really mad that he decided he wasn't ready after him telling me he loved me and I was the one etc. he now doesn't want anything to do with me because of the hurtful things I said to him. How can things change so quickly in a week??

what exactly did you say to him? Im guessing it was along the lines of, "using me, were you lying when you said those things, you are horrible, you dont rtreat people like that."

if so, he doesnt hate you. He's probably feeling guilty and an idiot for how he's acted and doesnt know how to end it civilly. People dont just hate you after one nasty arguement where things were said, if so....there wouldnt be no couples in the world at all.
My guess is, his heart wasn't in it and he didnt know how to end it, but like a lot of relationships, it just all came out in one go.
sorry you're going through this, OP, but rest assured he doesn't hate you. it was just a messy break up and he doesnt know how to deal with it.

scarymoon1

sunflower27 wrote: »

It didn't really just happen in a week He was obviously not feeling things at the level you were and decided the relationship wasn't for him.

So you were hurt and vented, that can't be changed. I doubt he hates you, but he is probably using your behaviour to push the point it is over.

I am sorry you are hurting, but there are never any guarantees in relationships. People say 'till death do us part' every day and how many of those relationships end in divorce/separation?

When you go into a relationship, you can't expect someone to NEVER hurt you. That is asking someone to predict the future.

I think you need to take some time out to heal your heart and don't contact him again.

Obsessing about why he wasn't feeling things as you were is not going to help either. It won't change the outcome, so do your very best to learn from this and dust yourself off and get ready to join the games again soon.

He told me he loved me, I was the one etc. when he dumped me he said he's just not ready to be with anyone and if he ever was that person would be me, he said his feelings hadn't changed towards me. But I just lost the plot, I sent him 120 texts in 2 days cursing at him, said he was ugly and I said his gay sister was weird and gross. Terrible stuff, I only wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I continued to annoy him for a week. In the end I told him to block me as I felt I was never going to stop contacting him. He said i was harassing him. So he did block me. He called me crazy etc, I don't deny that. In the end he said he didn't hate me, he wanted to move on and he wanted me to respect his wishes. That was 2 days ago. Why did I have to go crazy for a week ???! I so regret what I did to him as he will never ever want to talk to me again, I know he would never get back with me after what I did and said but even if we were friends and he didn't think i was a psycho

Kiera

scarymoon1 wrote: »

He told me he loved me, I was the one etc. when he dumped me he said he's just not ready to be with anyone and if he ever was that person would be me, he said his feelings hadn't changed towards me. But I just lost the plot, I sent him 120 texts in 2 days cursing at him, said he was ugly and I said his gay sister was weird and gross. Terrible stuff, I only wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I continued to annoy him for a week. In the end I told him to block me as I felt I was never going to stop contacting him. He said i was harassing him. So he did block me. He called me crazy etc, I don't deny that. In the end he said he didn't hate me, he wanted to move on and he wanted me to respect his wishes. That was 2 days ago. Why did I have to go crazy for a week ???! I so regret what I did to him as he will never ever want to talk to me again, I know he would never get back with me after what I did and said but even if we were friends and he didn't think i was a psycho

120 texts in two days? I wouldnt say he hates you, he's probably scared shítless of you. That's not normal, OP. Leave him alone and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

You can never be friends with him, because you want to be more than that. In your crazy behaviour and horrible texts you have proven to him that he did right by finishing with you.

You said things about him and his sister that can't be taken back, and in normal circumstances would have ended a normal friendship.

Delete his number, delete all possible contact details. Accept you were way out of line and promise yourself never to carry on like that again.

If you ever happen to bump into him, apologise once for your behaviour, and then walk away and leave him in peace.

scarymoon1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You can never be friends with him, because you want to be more than that. In your crazy behaviour and horrible texts you have proven to him that he did right by finishing with you.

You said things about him and his sister that can't be taken back, and in normal circumstances would have ended a normal friendship.

Delete his number, delete all possible contact details. Accept you were way out of line and promise yourself never to carry on like that again.

If you ever happen to bump into him, apologise once for your behaviour, and then walk away and leave him in peace.

He was obviously still in love with his ex and that's why it ended. I have done this abuse thing before, anytime I am dumped. I text and text abuse, I am seeing a therapist and on anxiety/anti depressants. My therapist said a sign of madness is when you do things again and again and don't learn from them, I am crazy so, I do admit that, he said it, I said it, people on here said it, I've deactivated my text function on my phone. It's taken me 29 years to come to the conclusion I am mad. Ive prob denied it before but after doing the crazy texts again last week it's proven, I am mad!!

scarymoon1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You can never be friends with him, because you want to be more than that. In your crazy behaviour and horrible texts you have proven to him that he did right by finishing with you.

You said things about him and his sister that can't be taken back, and in normal circumstances would have ended a normal friendship.

Delete his number, delete all possible contact details. Accept you were way out of line and promise yourself never to carry on like that again.

If you ever happen to bump into him, apologise once for your behaviour, and then walk away and leave him in peace.

He was obviously still in love with his ex and that's why it ended. I have done this abuse thing before, anytime I am dumped. I text and text abuse, I am seeing a therapist and on anxiety/anti depressants. My therapist said a sign of madness is when you do things again and again and don't learn from them, I am crazy so, I do admit that, he said it, I said it, people on here said it, I've deactivated my text function on my phone. It's taken me 29 years to come to the conclusion I am mad. Ive prob denied it before but after doing the crazy texts again last week it's proven, I am mad!!

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think that he was "obviously" still in love with his ex. And unless he told you that, specifically, you can't know that either. He's been finished with her for over a year.. it seems more likely that he and you just weren't suited.

Who knows, maybe he caught glimpses of your "issues" (hate that word!) And thought he'd be better off away from you as he knew he couldn't "fix" you or whatever....?

I hope you can sort yourself out, because you clearly can see that your behaviour is excessive and not what anyone would call "normal"... now you just have to figure out how to deal with it.

Good luck... there is somebody out there for you, just stop putting so much pressure on yourself (and them!) to find him.

scarymoon1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I don't think that he was "obviously" still in love with his ex. And unless he told you that, specifically, you can't know that either. He's been finished with her for over a year.. it seems more likely that he and you just weren't suited.

Who knows, maybe he caught glimpses of your "issues" (hate that word!) And thought he'd be better off away from you as he knew he couldn't "fix" you or whatever....?

I hope you can sort yourself out, because you clearly can see that your behaviour is excessive and not what anyone would call "normal"... now you just have to figure out how to deal with it.

Good luck... there is somebody out there for you, just stop putting so much pressure on yourself (and them!) to find him.

I put no pressure on him, we were getting on great, but that doesn't matter anymore and I can't keep thinking about it. I should be thinking about why I'm still making the same mistakes after seeing a therapist for about 3 years, is it time to get a new one???

Big Bag of Chips

scarymoon1 wrote: »

I should be thinking about why I'm still making the same mistakes after seeing a therapist for about 3 years, is it time to get a new one???

Maybe it is. I don't have much experience but I would think if there's no improvement in 3 years, there needs to be a different approach..

Kiera

scarymoon1 wrote: »

I put no pressure on him, we were getting on great, but that doesn't matter anymore and I can't keep thinking about it. I should be thinking about why I'm still making the same mistakes after seeing a therapist for about 3 years, is it time to get a new one???

You should probably talk to your family or friends about this. We dont know you or your therapist. Best of luck getting better.

scarymoon1

I also said he had horrible breath, I said if I saw him I'd hit him, I said go back to your ex even though she doesn't want you, insulted his sister and called him every name under the sun, I also tried to ridicule his job. He said in all his life he has never been so hurt by my words, and all because he wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm a discusting horrible person.

IrishEyes19

scarymoon1 wrote: »

He was obviously still in love with his ex and that's why it ended. I have done this abuse thing before, anytime I am dumped. I text and text abuse, I am seeing a therapist and on anxiety/anti depressants. My therapist said a sign of madness is when you do things again and again and don't learn from them, I am crazy so, I do admit that, he said it, I said it, people on here said it, I've deactivated my text function on my phone. It's taken me 29 years to come to the conclusion I am mad. Ive prob denied it before but after doing the crazy texts again last week it's proven, I am mad!!

well first of all your therapist does not sound fair, no professional espeically a therapist ever says, "a sign of madness" to a client. EVER! Totally unwarranted.

Apart from that, you arent a terrible person. However you have issues you need to resolve with yourself. accept that it is over between you and this man. Over as in no contact ever again. you need to move on and get yourself back on the right track. abandon the self pity now and work towards getting to a better place. do it for yourself.

scarymoon1

Yes I know it's over. If someone said half the things I said to this guy I'd never want to see them again ever. I knew I shouldn't have being saying what I did but the rage I felt that he dumped me, I just couldn't stop myself from sending the texts. I also knew by saying what I did it there would be no going back and part of me wanted that because him dumping me, well the innocence would be gone from the relationship. I honestly dont know how to get better, my therapist tells me turn my phone off, but I just couldnt. I've talked and talked, I know my issues but how to fix them, I've no idea. I'm seeing her again Thursday, she will say the guy had the right to dump me, I know this now but at the time I just couldnt stop my rage. Maybe I have anger issues, my dad does!

Taltos

OP

as you are currently getting professional advice I am closing this thread. No one here is more qualified than your therapist to help you, indeed the advice presented so far is all information you agreed with and can see for yourself.

It might help to bring a print out of this thread with you so your therapist has a clear view just how low you are feeling right now.

All the best
Taltos