Breast augmentation, he doesn't know?

LegacyUser

Hi Ladies,

Not sure if this is the right place to post but any advises would be much appreciated.

I have been dating this gorgeous guy for 7 weeks and I know he likes me and treats me so well. Last weekend I slept with him for the first time. After that he told me he adores my personality, face and my body because they are all so natural and beautiful then he said " I dislike girls who have fake boobs, fake hair, fake tan and eyelashes and I don't like to be with girl who has fake boobs especially ". I replied " Oops.....Its me you are talking about" . I told him I don't have anything fake but my boobs and he just laughed it off and thought I was joking so I just left it like that.

The truth is I had the implant one year ago (Water- drop shape breast augmentation by laparoscopy) and I have to say my boobs look so natural without scars. I have tiny scars which are hidden under my armpits.

So ladies, because we just had sex once and it was amazing, I don't know should I tell him again or wait until we become "Official"?

Or I just tell him now It is very shallow of him to have a such comment to see if he apologizes and still wants to date a girl like me with beautiful fake boobs:-)),,lol?

Thanks.

rainbow kirby

Moved to PI. Anonymous posting is enabled here too.

Danniboo

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hmmmm. I can't believe he would be so shallow as to dump you because you had breast augmentation, and if he did, well, you are well shot given that he seems to really like your personality - which is by far and above the most important thing.

If it was me, I'd tell him and see what his reaction is. I know some people will say don't say anything, but as this is bothering you enough to post, I think you are best to let him know.

I think he may actually feel a bit of an idiot, to be honest.

Sorry but I have to play devils advocate here, I think it's really unfair to label someone "shallow" because they may disagree with cutting up and disecting your body, adding bits of silicone or whatever the latest version of this may be for purely cosmetic reasons. It's a pretty big deal and people are entitled to their views, he said he prefers natural women so that's his perogative. I wonder if a fella was posting here saying he prefers women with big fake boobs and wants to break up with a girl because hers are small, what would the reaction be?

LittleBook

bodyandsoul wrote: »

Or I just tell him now It is very shallow of him to have a such comment to see if he apologizes and still wants to date a girl like me with beautiful fake boobs:-)),,lol?

This. You don't have to call him shallow, he just sounds a bit naieve to be honest and he clearly doesn't know what he's talking about if he didn't believe you ... actually I don't know why you allowed him to believe you were joking.

He said he loves your body and that includes your implants. If he wants to make a big deal about it, he's not the guy for you.

LegacyUser

I don't think it's shallow op, but i do think you need to nip it in the bud. he can't help what he's attracted to, and you can't help the fact that your boobs are fake. you sound like you think you deserve an apology from him for his comment, ehhh i don't think that's fair of you at all. it's not as if he meant to hurt your feelings or anything, how could he, if you didn't set him straight at the time? i'm not particularly attracted to guys who do drugs, does that mean if i tell a guy who's a closet drug taker that i'm not attracted to drug users that i should apologise to him? seriously?!

look, if you don't tell him sooner rather than later he may feel you were trying to hide it from him. i know he laughed it off but you need to spell it out in whatever way you feel comfortable with. ''hey, remember when i said my boobs were fake and you didn't think i was serious? well i am'' then wait for his reaction. don't feel you should have to explain why you chose to if you don't want to, it was your descision and your body, though he may be interested. oh, and i'd probably say it outside the bedroom though, to lessen the tension.

he may run for the hills, he may have a better look and feel and decide they're the most beautiful ones he's ever seen and who cares if they're fake, he might admit he said it to make you feel comfortable about what he thought were your natural assets, he might do a lot of things, but if you think this might be a serious thing do you not think he deserves your honesty from the get-go rather than a few weeks/months down the line?

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yes, i agree naive is a better word. It seems his take on fake boobs means looking like Jordan or something and flaunting them to all and sundry.

you can't read the op's fella's mind though. you don't know what his take on fakeness is. i know my fella would absolutely vomit at the thought of cosmetic plastic surgery, even botox or something, as it's just not, well, natural. you can't put words in the mouth of someone you don't know!

username123

Danniboo wrote: »

............for purely cosmetic reasons.

I would argue that most cases are more complex than this. I personally know 2 people who have had breast implants, and in neither case was it 'purely for cosmetic reasons'. One was to repair an imbalance - ie, one large boob, one small boob.

Another girl I know had massive self esteem problems based around her body, she quite literally didnt have breasts, her chest looked like a boys.

People have breasts reconstructed after breast cancer where they have lost breasts as well.

While the above are arguably cases of cosmetic work - its not only cosmetic, its allowing a women to have self esteem by giving her body some normality compared to her natural state.

So yes, I would think it is shallow to dismiss anyone who has ever had a breast augmentation as 'I dont like girls who' when he would have no idea of the reasons for the breast augmentation.

Danniboo

username123 wrote: »

I would argue that most cases are more complex than this. I personally know 2 people who have had breast implants, and in neither case was it 'purely for cosmetic reasons'. One was to repair an imbalance - ie, one large boob, one small boob.

Another girl I know had massive self esteem problems based around her body, she quite literally didnt have breasts, her chest looked like a boys.

People have breasts reconstructed after breast cancer where they have lost breasts as well.

While the above are arguably cases of cosmetic work - its not only cosmetic, its allowing a women to have self esteem by giving her body some normality compared to her natural state.

So yes, I would think it is shallow to dismiss anyone who has ever had a breast augmentation as 'I dont like girls who' when he would have no idea of the reasons for the breast augmentation.

I was waiting for this response. The OP has not mentioned anything about sickness, imbalance etc so we can only presume it was done for cosmetic reasons.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

To clarify what I meant by shallow - the guy knows this girl enough to really like her personality. If he decides having something 'fake' such as her breasts is worth ending a good thing over, then I think it is shallow.

I think a lot of people think women get breast augmentation to have huge breasts, but often it is the case that a woman chooses to have them because she has naturally very small breasts and doesn't feel womanly and comfortable with her body.

Breast augmentation doesn't just come in XXL and XXXL.

Thank you guys for your opinions.

I'm 29 years old and I am not blessed with beautiful natural bosoms, I couldn't walk along the beach with confident. I was so self-conscious for years about the size of my breast despite reassurance by my friends and family that I am attractive, but now I'm 34C and I'm so much happier( no more chicken breasts, push up bras and sex in the totally dark )

When I'm saying Shallow, I didn't mean any bad in him. I adore him too. I meant, people should date others or enter relationships with open minded instead of I'm not going out with the girl who has fake boobs, or green hair...we shouldn't judge others or situations because they don't match our personal preferences....

LegacyUser

voiceofreasonhere wrote: »

I don't think it's shallow op, but i do think you need to nip it in the bud. he can't help what he's attracted to, and you can't help the fact that your boobs are fake. you sound like you think you deserve an apology from him for his comment, ehhh i don't think that's fair of you at all. it's not as if he meant to hurt your feelings or anything, how could he, if you didn't set him straight at the time? i'm not particularly attracted to guys who do drugs, does that mean if i tell a guy who's a closet drug taker that i'm not attracted to drug users that i should apologise to him? seriously?!

look, if you don't tell him sooner rather than later he may feel you were trying to hide it from him. i know he laughed it off but you need to spell it out in whatever way you feel comfortable with. ''hey, remember when i said my boobs were fake and you didn't think i was serious? well i am'' then wait for his reaction. don't feel you should have to explain why you chose to if you don't want to, it was your descision and your body, though he may be interested. oh, and i'd probably say it outside the bedroom though, to lessen the tension.

he may run for the hills, he may have a better look and feel and decide they're the most beautiful ones he's ever seen and who cares if they're fake, he might admit he said it to make you feel comfortable about what he thought were your natural assets, he might do a lot of things, but if you think this might be a serious thing do you not think he deserves your honesty from the get-go rather than a few weeks/months down the line?

Thanks hun,

You are right, i don't think it really bothers me if he apologizes or not but I still don't agree when he said he doesn't want to go out with someone who has breast augmentation.

username123

Danniboo wrote: »

I was waiting for this response. The OP has not mentioned anything about sickness, imbalance etc so we can only presume it was done for cosmetic reasons.

If he didnt notice they were fake its a reasonable assumption that they are just ordinary looking boobs.

Even if the only reason was cosmetic, why would that make someone go 'I dont like people who.....'? We all do things for cosmetic reasons. Is someone who spends 20k on an orthodontist to straighten their teeth somehow morally higher than someone who spends 5k on a breast augmentation? I dont really get it. Judging someone based on appearance is shallow imo.

Danniboo

Eh, bit of a difference between judging and having a preference in the look of the type of person you want to go out with. Different styles, looks, preferences, tastes is that not what makes us different???? If I don't like the EMO look or the the pretty boy look and don't go out with someone because of it, does that make me shallow?????

username123

Danniboo wrote: »

Eh, bit of a difference between judging and having a preference in the look of the type of person you want to go out with. Different styles, looks, preferences, tastes is that not what makes us different???? If I don't like the EMO look or the the pretty boy look and don't go out with someone because of it, does that make me shallow?????

But he cant tell by her look. He doesnt know her boobs are not real. And he clearly liked her or he wouldnt have slept with her. So for him to say he doesnt like girls with fake boobs is silly. He doesnt always know when girls have fake boobs. Its also shallow, imo, because fake boobs do not a person make - nor does the look of emo, pretty boy etc... but usually theyre more phases of a style that a person goes through as opposed to a permanent physical characteristic.

I personally wouldnt not date someone because of a fashion they follow without finding out what they are like as a person. However, I may not get talking to someone who follows a particular fashion because I wouldnt find it attractive enough to draw me to talk to them in the first place. But either way, I wouldnt say 'I dont like emo or pretty boys' just because of what they look like - they could be nice people! Plus I know if an emo is an emo - I dont know if someones boobs are fake.

In the OPs case the guy says he dislikes - Im not sure if he means dislikes personally or dislikes the look of.

gud4u

OP,

You sound like you got a boob job for all the right reasons and shouldn't feel the need to feel bad about it. Perhaps your boyfriend said what he did because isn't that what most women want to hear...you're grand the way you are and all that stuff.

I think he'll appreciate your honesty, have a new perception of cosmetic surgery and realise that there are indeed real looking fake boobs to be had.

If yours are so natural looking then it proves you got them done just to look and feel normal/confident by your own standards.

If I had the money and my appearence was upsetting my self esteem, i'd certainly tweak a few things..

A good reason to tell him is also that if you stay together longterm, he might feel very agrieved if you have to come clean in years to come for any maintainence surgery.

gud4u

Danniboo wrote: »

I was waiting for this response. The OP has not mentioned anything about sickness, imbalance etc so we can only presume it was done for cosmetic reasons.

Isn't the OP just looking for an opinion on what to say to their BF though and not a debate about moral compasses and cosmetic surgery.

Ickle Magoo

Danniboo - you should be more than aware you are on your final warning with regards to causing issues and indulging in off-topic bickering in this forum.

Folks,

Keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP - any debate or discussion on plastic surgery or what constitutes shallow should be taken to Humanities.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'd say your Boyfriend said "oh I wouldn't go out with a girl with fake boobs" because he thinks that's what girls want to hear when they have natural ones. Remember you have nothing to feel bad about here, they're your boobs and you paid for them, you don't owe anyone an explanation for that, I've often thought about getting it done and believe me I wouldn't put up with people questioning me on it, sure if it's shallow so's getting a haircut by the same logic So yeah I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and give him the chance to say "oh wow, yours look so real, can't believe I thought I wouldn't like fake ones, your ones are amazing", which is what I'd say he'll say as he sounds like a good guy.

LegacyUser

Hello Ladies,

Thank you so much for all your opinions so far. Girls, you are great!

About my guy, he is in his 30's and he is very mature and thoughtful, works hard and plays hard guy, he appreciates when I make an effort to look good everytime we meet but when he said to me he doesn't like girls who have implants, he was serious, he sounded like he really dislikes anything fake. He also said " Fake is not attractive and you don't have to worry about that babe" he was walking around the room, smiling when saying so and turned around kissed me on my forehead like he never heard me saying MY BOOBS ARE FAKE. Looking at him happy and chatting away made me feel like there was no point in explaining anything further at that stage. I have no intention of hiding it from him. I don't know if he had been with any ladies with "not so nice" fake boobs before, it might be the case so he got totally turned off. I will get it all cleared next time I see him.

Following your advises, Its not a big deal, so I should tell him sooner than later. I will see him again this wed for lunch between work but I don't think I like to talk to him over lunch as he might like to look at them and feel them again straight away;-)))...I think I should wait until we are intimate next time, should it be more fun and less awkward, don't you think?
Sorry, yet another question:-)

Sarn

To be honest I find it a very strange conversation to be having immediately after your first time together. Clearly he had no idea that you have had work done. The phrase ignorance is bliss springs to mind, but you are right in telling him. If he truly adores you and drops you because of this, when he otherwise would have been unaware, then he isn't worth your time.

Dolbert

Just casually drop it into the conversation the next time you're together. If you don't treat it like it's a big deal then it won't seem like one.

'You do know I've had my boobs done, don't you? I wasn't sure if you knew I was serious the other day'.

If it's gonna be a dealbreaker then at least you've been honest.

theg81der

I`m afraid I think you should be honest. If this is going somewhere he has to know at some point so worse the longer you wait.

My hubby has this attitude when I asked he said its lying about your genes, tricking people to find you more sexually attractive because he said its normally skinny girls who get them and of course they shouldn`t have boobs its not natural as they don`t have the fatty tissue which is why its so attractive when they do, it makes them look like a superior potential mate which they are not genetically.

He was devastated when I told him girls were hairy - he thought because he`d always seen hairless girls that that was what they were like but he didn`t dump me for it! Maybe your guy just thinks fake boobs are always nasty and he won`t give a toss when you come clean since your don`t look fake or maybe he was delighted with himself that he found a skinny girl with natural boobs (a very very very rare thing, like a diamond to some guys) and it will be a deciding factor for him but either way you made you choice and he will too if it doesn`t work it wasn`t ment to.

saa

I think he's talking about a specific stereotype of a "fake" - high maintenance type of girl, As long as he is not completely shallow he will learn not judge people based on what they do to restore, improve or maintain their bodies (just as we do with our minds).
For instance, I'm sure if he said that and your hair was fake because you have alopecia he wouldn't think any less of you the same with the breasts he already likes you if this turned him off then you'd really have to think if there was any future with someone who would dismiss you over one aspect about your body, he might not understand why in reality most women get breast augmentations.

Natural is a ridiculous word, so I guess he doesn't like girls who wear glasses as its not natural :P I think you should tell him when you feel comfortable, its not something you'd just bring up out of the blue but he made a comment and its been on your mind and you should tell him that and I suppose the first thing he will wonder is why, why would you do that if you didn't have to. But my breasts are part of who I am if because of hormonal changes or weight loss they lost their shape the same could happen with my stomach I would consider getting surgery if I had the money and that wouldn't make me fake.

theg81der

I don`t think people with this attitude would see glasses or alopecia (both medical conditions!) as having any relevance to this saa but anyway OP what does anyone know the only person who knows what he`s thinking is him. I really hope this isn`t an issue and it works out.

LovelyLottie

OP - i agree that he shouldn't have said so strongly that he'd never date someone with breast implants (even if he thinks you haven't had this surgery, you could have a friend or a sister who does and you might get offended), it does sound like he's casting judgment on someone who would undergo that surgery without knowing anything about them.

I'd say he just doesn't know what he's talking about and clearly he doesn't!! Hopefully he's not shallow and just naive! I'd let him know and i doubt it'll change things. He'll probably realise that he was talking nonsense, best of luck

bodyandsoul

Hi all,

I can't giving Thanks to a post because I have no 'thumbs up' icon to click (I need a minimum of 10 posts before I can thank a post)

I would just like to say "THANK YOU" for all your posts and advise and kind words. it is greatly appreciated!

New post and opinions are always welcome:-).

saa

theg81der wrote: »

I don`t think people with this attitude would see glasses or alopecia (both medical conditions!)

Of course he would be understanding if there was a medical reason, if someone had surgery on their breast after suffering with cancer no one would disapprove but what warrants people to disapprove otherwise. People with alopecia do not need to wear a wig but their choice and the point being any person who does anything cosmetically to wear something or a receive a procedure does not need to be validated by a medical reason and does not warrant a character judgment.

Jumpy

Bah. He was trying to compliment you and didnt realise that there is such things as implants that look normal.
He accidently ended up with his foot in his mouth.
He doesnt care. Trust me. He was saying what he thought you wanted to hear.

Fenian Army

He said those things because he thought you were "all natural" and meant it as a compliment. TBH I doubt he cares, don't mention it, don't see the need tbh.