Problem With Friend

astonaidan

Alright lads, Ive a friend over in Sydney who seems to make it his lifes ambition to make people dislike him, Hes always ruining moments for everylad who talks to him, Like Ive tried telling him to talk to girls when he does its always an epic failure, For example I was going to a beach on a ferry yesterday and got talking to a girl who invited me wakeboarding but before I could anwser he said "Nah thats ok were going watching the surfing", The only reason i was going to the beach was because someone else had asked me but she cancelled when he invited himself along, This is no joke but hes ruined about 50 moments for me alone and other lads have had the same problem with him, But my problem is that I dont want to be a dick and tell him to **** off its just not the way I am, Likes hes 28 so should have some social ideas by now but all he ever seems to do is turn a lighthearted conversation into a serious one or worse never seems to realise when people want to be alone, Any ideas what I should do with him??

I am a friend

Talk to him and tell him to stop answering for you. Simple

Lorna123

astonaidan wrote: »

Alright lads, Ive a friend over in Sydney who seems to make it his lifes ambition to make people dislike him, Hes always ruining moments for everylad who talks to him, Like Ive tried telling him to talk to girls when he does its always an epic failure, For example I was going to a beach on a ferry yesterday and got talking to a girl who invited me wakeboarding but before I could anwser he said "Nah thats ok were going watching the surfing", The only reason i was going to the beach was because someone else had asked me but she cancelled when he invited himself along, This is no joke but hes ruined about 50 moments for me alone and other lads have had the same problem with him, But my problem is that I dont want to be a dick and tell him to **** off its just not the way I am, Likes hes 28 so should have some social ideas by now but all he ever seems to do is turn a lighthearted conversation into a serious one or worse never seems to realise when people want to be alone, Any ideas what I should do with him??

Sounds to me like he is jealous of anyone else's success with women. Best to stop him in his tracks and say lighheartedly "who asked you". Wouldn't call him a friend, try and stay away from him. Also, no harm in getting in touch with that girl again and tell her you have changed your mind and will go wakeboarding.

astonaidan

I am a friend wrote: »

Talk to him and tell him to stop answering for you. Simple

The problem is Im sure he thought he was part of the the conversation even though he didnt say more than 10 words in the half an hour talking to him

Lorna123 wrote: »

Sounds to me like he is jealous of anyone else's success with women. Best to stop him in his tracks and say lighheartedly "who asked you". Wouldn't call him a friend, try and stay away from him. Also, no harm in getting in touch with that girl again and tell her you have changed your mind and will go wakeboarding.

I wouldnt say he is jealous its more he hasnt a clue socially, He seems to be quiet innocent and really doesnt seem to want to be left alone by himself, Would love to ger in touch with her, But left her on the dock when she was going of with her friends

Today I was with another of my friends and was with a girl i hangout with alot and was dreading him sitting beside us, thankfully someone sat down before he could but then he sat down byhimself eating all sad, this is the sort of thing that annoys me no matter how much i try to get him to talk to others he wont

Lorna123

astonaidan wrote: »

The problem is Im sure he thought he was part of the the conversation even though he didnt say more than 10 words in the half an hour talking to him

I wouldnt say he is jealous its more he hasnt a clue socially, He seems to be quiet innocent and really doesnt seem to want to be left alone by himself, Would love to ger in touch with her, But left her on the dock when she was going of with her friends

Today I was with another of my friends and was with a girl i hangout with alot and was dreading him sitting beside us, thankfully someone sat down before he could but then he sat down byhimself eating all sad, this is the sort of thing that annoys me no matter how much i try to get him to talk to others he wont

I find it strange that this sad inept guy is well able to answer up with a negative comment when you being the handsome, sociable type who is in demand is afraid to open your mouth in these situations. If something like this crops up again make a joke and say "excuse me, I would like to go to this or that...whatever" and be ready to talk this guy down. He will soon get the message.

WhyGoBald

Have you asked him not to? If the problem is purely that he is socially oblivious, I'm sure he'd like to know where he's going wrong. If he persists, just contradict him.

astonaidan

Lorna123 wrote: »

I find it strange that this sad inept guy is well able to answer up with a negative comment when you being the handsome, sociable type who is in demand is afraid to open your mouth in these situations. If something like this crops up again make a joke and say "excuse me, I would like to go to this or that...whatever" and be ready to talk this guy down. He will soon get the message.

The thing is I am basically the only guy in the hostel who talks to him and hate being a dickhead telling him to **** off, When it comes to being funny and friendly talking to people im unstoppable when it comes to being a dick contradicting someone I just cant do it

WhyGoBald wrote: »

Have you asked him not to? If the problem is purely that he is socially oblivious, I'm sure he'd like to know where he's going wrong. If he persists, just contradict him.

Well Ive never openly said it, But theres been situations when Ive been on a couch with a girl and have gave him the aul nod towards the door only to get a smile in return from him, As in go for it mate when what I wanted was for him to go

I can use an example from tonight as to what it is that is pissing me off, There was 5 guys and 2 girls going out, It was kinda obvious one of the girls was with me the other with another guy, So we were all dancing the 2 girls and my friend were dancing one of the other guys wouldnt but he stayed away realising what was going on and another went dancing off by himself, The guy just stood beside us looking miserable holding his drink doing the move we call the statue, When the girl dragged me off to the bar with her, He came up tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to ditch the others and go to another bar with him, I just said nah mate going to stay here with Ed so he just followed me back with the girl dancing, 1 oclock came and I got sick of hitting into him and my friend was working in the morning so just pissed off home, another time foiled!!

Lorna123

astonaidan wrote: »

The thing is I am basically the only guy in the hostel who talks to him and hate being a dickhead telling him to **** off, When it comes to being funny and friendly talking to people im unstoppable when it comes to being a dick contradicting someone I just cant do it Quote]

I can tell that you are a very mannerly guy and that is very nice, but you also need to take this guy aside and tell him in a very nice way what you expect of him. He actually needs to be told because he cannot take a hint.

astonaidan

Well Ive decided what im going to do is ignore him, Possibly not the most mature thing but the only thing I can think off, So when he anwsers for me just going to continue likes hes not there

musicinyou

or you could maybe grow yourself some testies and tell him straight that what he is doing aint cool! say it sharp to the lad! if you do that **** again just dont bother hanging with me anymore. be honest with him, truth hurts but hel appreciate it in the end!! you go to the length of typing all this how about just give him a bollicking and be over with!

niceness = cowardness , do the right thing so you can continue living the dream!

Lorna123

musicinyou wrote: »

niceness = cowardness , !

There's a new one. I don't think that for one minute you are a coward Astonaidan , just a genuine good person, good enough to want to deal with this without offending anyone and isn't it a pity we all can't be like that.

musicinyou

Lorna123 wrote: »

There's a new one. I don't think that for one minute you are a coward Astonaidan , just a genuine good person, good enough to want to deal with this without offending anyone and isn't it a pity we all can't be like that.

I never said the guy was a coward directly!(looks like you did though!) what im saying is being nice to someone instead of not leveling with them is cowardess!! Personally if someone is doing something I don’t find is right I will say it to them rather than saying nothing but to tell the world about him!!! Say it straight! If people take offence because someone is being honest then is that the truth tellers fault! Is honesty not included in being a genuine person? Im just giving my two cents. Put thanks Lorna for picking out the one part that was never a direct insult!

Im not to offend anybody, I just want to add that to this.

Happy Friday guys and OP I hope your situ resolves eighter way

Lorna123

musicinyou wrote: »

I never said the guy was a coward directly!(looks like you did though!) what im saying is being nice to someone instead of not leveling with them is cowardess!! Personally if someone is doing something I don’t find is right I will say it to them rather than saying nothing but to tell the world about him!!! Say it straight! If people take offence because someone is being honest then is that the truth tellers fault! Is honesty not included in being a genuine person? Im just giving my two cents. Put thanks Lorna for picking out the one part that was never a direct insult!

Im not to offend anybody, I just want to add that to this.

Happy Friday guys and OP I hope your situ resolves eighter way

Thank you for pointing this out musicinyou, sorry if I took you up the wrong way......these damn messages would drive you insane if you you thought too much about them

musicinyou

Lorna123 wrote: »

Thank you for pointing this out musicinyou, sorry if I took you up the wrong way......these damn messages would drive you insane if you you thought too much about them

ha, aw no worries Lorna. in fairness in looking back i can see how you would have thought that. have a good weekend, dance like nobody is watching, i know i will be