Play the field?

LegacyUser

Hi

I'm recently single after a 9 year relationship and finding myself feeling a little out of my comfort zone returning to dating. The last time I was single I was 21 and now that I'm 30 I find that obviously I'm very different and what I want is different, but also that dating feels a lot different.

I have been on a few dates in the last 2 months and have met a few guys out. Basically my issue boils down to not knowing when I should be giving things a shot to see how things go, or being picky.

In my youth I would have been fairly picky and was only with /dated guys I really liked. However at 21 what I was mainly looking for was a physical attraction so it wasn't so hard to figure out which ones were for me and which weren't.

Now I find that what I'm looking for has changed-personality, stability, funny etc- and these things are harder to gauge when you initially meet someone. I'm not finding meeting men difficult but I have started getting quite anxious about going on dates with people that I'm not 100% sure about.

I guess I'm just finding it really difficult to gauge when I should be giving guys a shot and getting to know them better and when I should be going with my gut/first instinct. This anxiety is making me lean towards not going on dates in case I'm leading someone on, whereas my friends are of the opinion that I should relax, go on lots of dates and just see what happens.

Am I being too uptight or do you think, in general, you should only date people that give you that excited, weak at the knees feeling?

pigman2000

if you have no smidgen of attraction for the lad - don't go on the date, well, don't make the date in the first place

but if you're unsure of your attraction (that's what it sounds like) i suppose you have to go on the date - afterwards at least you'll know - one of the lessons i learned from watching 'home alone'

lads - but not all of them - are big boys, if he's not to your liking, drop him - and get on with it, don't worry about leading anyone on - suit yourself, it's your life...

beks101

Personally, I go with my gut. That's not to say if a guy isn't a glowing adonis that he won't get a look in, but if I get a friendship vibe and nothing more off him, I move on.

I've dated quite a bit recently and I've learned this the hard way. I've met a few absolute gems who I could literally sit and talk to all night, really interesting, intelligent guys with many varied hobbies etc, but if that initial attraction beyond platonic friendship isn't there, it's really just a waste of time in the romantic sense. And I think you figure that out for yourself pretty early on, or at least I do.

I wouldn't worry about 'leading them on' either, I mean one date doesn't equate to signing up for life-long commitment, it's just testing the waters to see if there's anything there. And most guys around your age group will be used to dealing with rejection anyway, it's a big part of the dating world.

Good luck, have fun!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I'm going to try to stop worrying about it so much and chill out.

beks101 I think I shall take your advice and try and listen to my gut instinct.

Cheers!