Bulimia

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am posting as a guest as I don't want this topic linked to my username. Hope that's OK.

Last week, I finally opened up to suffering with Bulimia, and have gone to my GP and received a referral to a psychiatrist in DUblin. Initially, when I told my mum first, it was a huge relief off my shoulders and I thought "great, I can get help with this....I want to get better". After my GP visit, it was apparent that she was outside her comfort zone. Nothing nasty, but I just don't think it was her 'area' if that makes sense. She agreed to refer me immediately for help (I am going the private route, but just realised VHI won't cover me as it will be classified as a pre-existing condition, but I can't afford to wait for public tratment so happy to take the hit if it means getting help straight away). Anyways, been told it wil take around 10 days to get an appointment, but GP didn't offer me any advice, support etc. for those days inbetween, and my head is wrecked now (it's been a week).

I now almost feel stupid for having to opened up, that the condition is silly (I know it's not though), and that I am weak for asking for help. I honestly thought telling somebody would be the 'miracle pill' and I would stop doing what I do. If anything, it's been the opposite. I think that's my bodies reaction to panic.....

I would love to know if there are any members suffering the same thing, or know of people in a similar position? I want some support, and am petrified......

Mods - I'm hoping that you're happy with this being here, reason i've put it in LTI is that I have suffered over 5 years, and it will be a long path ahead. Not asking for medical help, only personal experience and support.

The Princess Bride

First of all- well done on admitting to someone that you needed help.
That is surely the first step to recovery with any illness.

Secondly- although there are some wonderful GPs out there- because they do not "specialise"- sometimes, it is hard for them to be sympathetic an empathetic to everyone they see.

If you've not already done so, might be worth contacting www.bodywhys.ie They offer support to people suffering with eating disorders and have support meetings throughout the country.

Best of luck and take care of youself.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for the response - much appreciated.

It's strange because i don't feel that I have an 'illness' as such, but i guess that is all part of mental health. Part of me is telling my body to 'cop on' and thinks i should be able to stop as it is a choice. But it's just not that simple, as i'm sure anybody suffering from this, or any other eating disorder, will tell you. Yet part of me just wants somebody to say to me "you are ill, you need to take time to recover".....that stems form my personality, I am a go go go person, never sit still, always doing something, worrying about things etc.

I wasn't slating my GP, please don't think that. She took me seriously, helped me by referring me immediately etc. but I just wanted to be told of somewhere (other than the website you mention) I could go to so i could speak. I am finding myself bottling my emotions up again which isn't good.

As i said in my original post, i am scared. Petrified. The thought of going to see somebody to address this has me emotional (even as i type) and i don't know if i could even walk into the hospital. I have had my mum odffer to come with me, and my best friend (who i also confided in over the weekend), but i'm not sure if i want to. I don't let people in to see the 'real' me, and find discussing anything with my emotions very difficult. I now have my mum stressing thinking that this was something to do with my childhood (aspects of it do, and i gave her an example but she denied it, or got really upset), and blames bad parenting. I don't hold any of that against her, but I just wanted to scream and shout and for once say "stop it, this is about ME, I need help, it's not about you".....and that helped to put my defences up a bit.

I am exhausted, my brain is working overtime, and the effects of panic purging (as i guess is the best way to describe it) is taking its toll. Work productivity is at an all time low!

I haven't meant to type so much, so apologies. I guess I have used this as a bit of an outlet.

The Princess Bride

CSB wrote: »

It's strange because i don't feel that I have an 'illness' as such, but i guess that is all part of mental health.

It is not a physical illness,but does have potential serious physical complications.



[QUOTE\] I wasn't slating my GP, please don't think that.[/QUOTE]

I didn't think you were- a GP ,however,has a general expertise -whereas a specialist doctor is trained and experienced in the treatment of people with eating disorders.

[QUOTE\] As i said in my original post, i am scared.I don't let people in to see the 'real' me, and find discussing anything with my emotions very difficult. I now have my mum stressing thinking that this was something to do with my childhood (aspects of it do, and i gave her an example but she denied it, or got really upset), and blames bad parenting. I don't hold any of that against her, but I just wanted to scream and shout and for once say "stop it, this is about ME, I need help, it's not about you".....[/QUOTE]

Mothers have an inbuilt radar when it comes to our children- we are inclined to blame ourselves when any little thing goes wrong- this is my experience both as a daughter,a mother and an experienced nurse.
I would tend to be more concerned if your mother wasn't worried, to be honest.
(She may still be in shock, and perhaps denial too.)


[QUOTE\]I am exhausted, my brain is working overtime, and the effects of panic purging (as i guess is the best way to describe it) is taking its toll. Work productivity is at an all time low!

I haven't meant to type so much, so apologies. I guess I have used this as a bit of an outlet.[/QUOTE]

As a result of the physical manifestations,you may be run down,health wise? I'd like to say have small healthy meals and maybe start a course of multi vitamins for yourself- but maybe your GP could advise as I cannot .(here on line anyway,against charter)

Don't apologise for talking- as I said earlier- that first step you took was a giant one- there are many smaller ones to follow,CSB, one step at a time,one day at a time.
Keep talking- if it helps you even a little bit,then it's worth it.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the message.

It was good to hear from a mother's perspective, and i managed to have a good talk with mum the other day which was positive, and an eye opener as she told me things she had never said before. Looks like this may bring us even closer as a result - a bit of a streak of good news i guess.

I still haven't heard from my referral, and am getting very anxious. It feels like I am stumbling blindly down a winding road, an di need some direction and support. Having had some good chats on Friday and Saturday, i felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but yesterday I was lost again.

I have started on a multin-vitamin and a tonic bottle to try and get some energy, as you suggested, and trying with the small meals approach. I can't say that's working to be honest, but perhaps the fact that I am starting to 'hate' myself for thinking/doing things (hate is the wrong word, but I don't know the correct word for what i'm feeling - it's highly negative in any ways) means I am more aware of what i'm doing is wrong. Perhaps this is a step towards recovery?

I want to discuss with the Doctor I am beign referred to whether they believe telling my boss would be of any benefit. It would explain a lot if i did, as there have been times where it has taken me 14/15 hours to do a days work due to being exhausted, distracted and generally not focused. My boss isn't the sort of person though who would be the most emotional. He is great, encourages you to chat to him and keep him up to date, but this is such a personal issue and i am scared of the stigma attached to it. I'l have a think on that one!

Right, I am heading off to carry on working. I am working away for a few days this week. I find that very difficult, being away from home, ability to eat good food and then the ease with which to disappear to my room and nobody suspects a thing. Argh!

Thanks.