Relationship ending?

daisydood

Hi everybody, i'm new here.
Basically i've been with my boyfriend for 13 months now. I was 6 months pregnant when i met him. He has been my rock for the past year, been there for me through everything. We were just meeting up, going to cinema, dinner etc for the first 6 months and in July he asked me out (we had talked about relationships, both of us were only out of one, and neither of us wanted to commit at the beginning)
Since November maybe things have been very strained for us, we would get on great for a week and then spend the next week fighting over the smallest things. In january, we had a huge fight because i felt he was not making an effort at all and he finished with me.
I love this man with all my heart and would do anything to be with him forever. He said we are not working etc etc. I couldn't handle this, and kept ringing and texting him until eventually he agreed to meet me. We met up and talked and agreed that we would not be in a relationship just meeting up as we did at the start and see how it went for us. We had the nicest valentines ever together and got on wonderfull, and then He went out with friends last night and i text him asking was he with anybody else this morning as i hadn't heard from him all last night. He wouldnt answer and told me to F**k off n stop asking stupid questions. Then i was supposed to be staying in his house tomorrow night, because i was going out with friends in his town and i text him asking would it be ok if i came up earlier tomorrow and he text back saying no it didnt suit him. When i questioned him as to why it didnt suit him he said it was none of my business and that he could do what he wanted and to basically never contact him again or he would block my number.
I am in tears writing this because i am not able to loose this man he is my world and my daughters world. What is hapening to him. why is he treating me so badly all of a sudden i dont get it. Am i too much of a nag?
Please dont tell me to leave him and get on with life, i can't do that. Is there any way i can get him back? and find out whats going on with him?

IrishEyes19

First thing you have to do.....is stop trying to get him back. If he wants to talk to you he will. you texting and calling him every second will only annoy him further.

secondly his actions towards you were mean, he shouldnt have been disrepectful telling you to f**k off. But I have to say and you wont like this. you agreed not to be in a relationship, just casual. And the minute you just had a good valentines, you go asking him if he was with someone because he didnt make contact one night. Id imagine he is feeling a bit pressured OP and watched.

you even said he agreed to get back together before because you begged and texted until he agreed to meet up. everything sounds like you guilt tripped him and I dont mean to be harsh by the way. Its horrible to lose someone you love, but you arent going about it the right way.

For yourself get out of this. He doesnt sound into it, OP, he sounds like he only got back because he felt bad, but he's had enough. sometimes people arent good for each other, no matter how much you click on an emotional or intellectual level and physical, sometimes it doesnt work out. and you have to break this routine before you cause serious hurt for yourself.

He sounds really angry, OP, and fustrated. He probably didnt mean what he said, telling you where to go, but it demonstrates that right now he doesnt want to talk to you. respect his wishes.

daisydood

My head is all over the place, the reason we were always fighting was because he was always jealous if i ever even talked to a man, he always was accusing me of cheating even though i never even thought about it. Now im the one having doubts and because everything was so abrupt all i can think about is did he cheat on me, what did i do wrong, is he with somebody else, and i was never like this before i met him.
I will sound like a psycho saying this but i physically cannot stop texting him. I have tried and i cant an hour is the most i can do because im used to texting him all day everyday.
How am i supposed to move on from him i never will. We had a future planed out, i no one year sounds like nothing but it felt like years to u because we had been through so much together, i am not able for this.

IrishEyes19

daisydood wrote: »

My head is all over the place, the reason we were always fighting was because he was always jealous if i ever even talked to a man, he always was accusing me of cheating even though i never even thought about it. Now im the one having doubts and because everything was so abrupt all i can think about is did he cheat on me, what did i do wrong, is he with somebody else, and i was never like this before i met him.
I will sound like a psycho saying this but i physically cannot stop texting him. I have tried and i cant an hour is the most i can do because im used to texting him all day everyday.
How am i supposed to move on from him i never will. We had a future planed out, i no one year sounds like nothing but it felt like years to u because we had been through so much together, i am not able for this.

have you continued texting him after he told you to stop? If so, delete his number. Honestly the next thing you will get is a restraining order and a Garda warning. Honestly I know right now you are panicking and it seems like the end. But to him, you just look desperate and off your mind.

In your last post there, I can already see you had doubts regarding his fidelity and how jealous he was. you haven't mentioned any reedeeming qualities. And was it really abrupt? Ok, his reaction was abrupt, but he just sounds really p****ed off at you, OP, and wants you to back off. He will calm down eventually, but not if you keep texting him.

Focus on your daughter now, and get yourself back on track. He is just one person, a guy, and you have allowed this break up and how he reacted to you, to completely push you over the edge. Seriously now. You need to get up and delete his number, and focus on positive things.

holyhead

OP I would advise you to delete his number. Let him go he knows where you are if he wants you which based on your posts seems unlikely. It sounds like your obsessed with this guy. Drop it and concentrate on the two most important people in your lives ie you and your daughter. Best of luck.

Wibbs

daisydood wrote: »

My head is all over the place, the reason we were always fighting was because he was always jealous if i ever even talked to a man, he always was accusing me of cheating even though i never even thought about it.

That right there DD is a major and I mean major red flag. Men or women with that level of jealousy on board are never a good bet. And I do mean never, no grey area in this one IMHO.

Now im the one having doubts and because everything was so abrupt all i can think about is did he cheat on me, what did i do wrong, is he with somebody else, and i was never like this before i met him.

Again IMHO it's because you're likely feeding off his energy, his way of thinking is transferring to you. It can happen. Doubly so if you're emotionally vulnerable at the time. Given you were six months pregnant and he's not the father that definitely constitutes "vulnerable". Looking for a lifeline kinda springs to mind.

I will sound like a psycho saying this but i physically cannot stop texting him. I have tried and i cant an hour is the most i can do because im used to texting him all day everyday.

Yes you can stop. You just stop. Sure it's easy to write, but it's easy to do too, so long as you make that first step of say no contact for a day. Be prepared for him trying to contact you more at first when you do this. I'd nearly guarantee it. For me it feels like two people enabling unhealthy emotional stuff in each other. Like you said you were never like this before, so what changed? Him coming into your life at a vulnerable time in your life. You're likely still pretty vulnerable with a new baby around too.

How am i supposed to move on from him i never will.

Yep, you will. It will not feel like it at the moment, but you're not going to be texting him when your 70.

We had a future planed out, i no one year sounds like nothing but it felt like years to u because we had been through so much together, i am not able for this.

Here's a thought, have you considered counseling? You've been pregnant minus the father it sounds like, so have gone through a big emotionally turbulent period in your life. Maybe this turbulence has it's focus in this guy? A good counselor would help you re focus this for the good and your daughters good going forward. Like I say, just a thought.

Stavro Mueller

The more you continue to call and text your ex boyfriend, the further away you're going to push him. Stop doing it now. The person above me who mentioned restraining orders and Garda warnings could be closer to the truth than you think. Push your ex enough and you could drive him to it. He's at the end of his tether and I don't blame him one bit for what he said to you. The manner in which it was delivered was harsh but he sounds like a man who had had enough.

What comes through in what you've posted is neediness and obsession. This wasn't a healthy relationship from what you described but of course you're not going to see that now. It was way too intense and that may well be the poison which destroyed it.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him come back. Accept this. He only came back to you because you pestered him into it. He might also have been concerned about your mental health and that you might go off the deep end. The underlying problems which caused the breakup haven't gone away. You might want him back but it takes two people to want a relationship. You cannot badger him into it.

If you haven't calmed down, I suggest you go talk to a professional. Breakups suck but I fear your behaviour and addiction to this man are going beyond the norm.

ash23

OP, I met my ex when I was pregnant. We weren't together until after my daughter was born. I was looking for an escape and he was it. He was really persistant when we met and basically wouldn't take no for an answer when he decided I was the one for him. I was more sensible and cautious. I don't want to make out like I was forced into the relationship. But I was definitely worn down a bit. I was in a bad place and he was meant to be my saviour.
Even moving in with him wasn't because I wanted to but more because I was trying to get away from a bad situation at home.
I didn't see it all at the time. It was very overwhelming.
We split up 5 years later and similar to your situation, I thought I would die. I thought I'd never manage alone and I was distraught.
I wouldn't accept it was over for some time and I made a fool of myself. He was really quite cold and cruel when it ended and that made it worse.

Anyway my point is, it gets easier but it takes time. You need to accept this is over. You've accepted being demoted from partner to casual dates. That's not good enough. He is not your daughters world. Believe me! You are. So you have to be strong. For her. Because nobody else will be.
You will be ok. Your daughter will be the reason to get up and get on with things, at first anyway. And in time you'll find other reasons and then life will be good. But, and I am being harsh, you need to get a grip.
It's like that scene from the movies where the person is screaming hysterically and someone has to smack them to bring them back to reality. You are avoiding reality. Your life as you know it is slipping away and you are becoming hysterical about trying to hold on to it. Trust me, it won't work. You need to face what is happening. Saying you can't accept it and that you won't move on from him. Well, I'm sorry but you don't have a choice.
If one person in the relationship wants out, it doesn't matter how hard the other person wants to keep them, it's still over.
I moved out and relied heavily on my friends and my family who were so so good to me. They kept me busy and filled my weekends because I couldn't bear being alone. I made tonnes of new friends and partied like it was 1999. Anything to keep my mind off it all.

And over time the pain lessened and I adapted to my new life as a single parent. I've been single almost 4 years and I can say I am content.
And with hindsight I know that relationship was wrong for me on so many levels. Not in a bitter "damn him to hell" kind of way. Just that I can see where I went wrong and why I made poor decisions.
And that is really important. You will have to figure out why you ended up pregnant and alone (as did I so I amn't judging you!), why you got into a relationship with someone so possessive, why you invested yourself so heavily in that relationship that you are now willing to accept scraps from his table and allow him to make all the decisions and call the shots. But that will all be in time.
At the moment just take it one step at a time. Not even one day at a time. Just try to get through the morning without calling or texting him. And then the afternoon etc. Get your friends to help you. Or your family.
Just accept what he is saying and stop trying to think you can change his mind. You can't.