next step anyone?

walterwhite

right here goes i have been feeling very confused, anxious and also very low over the past month. My ex-girlfriend recently started going out with someone else and when I found out I realised I made a huge mistake. I broke up with her in September last and every so often she would ring and we would talk and have a laugh together. I met her once or twice and we ended up kissing, the last time was just before christmas. I didnt know if it was a good idea to get back together as I have been going through a lot of stuff myself and she had her own issues. I suffer from anxiety at times and being back in college as a mature student brought it all out in me. We were together through all of this. I ave recently been going to see someone regarding this and beginning to get it sorted. The thing that I really regret is that I realsied how much she meant to me only when she was gone. She was always saying to me that we should give it another chance but I didnt think that I was appy enough in myself to go back,I didnt say any of this to her and its something I really regret. She told me that when I rang her to get back with her she thought about it and then decided no that she was going to give the new relationship a chance. I have now heard that she is planning to move to London with him in the summer after knowing the guy for only 2 months, this really pissed me off as I had been abroad working and she only visited me once!!I felt that i made all the effort. The way she told me that she was seeing someone else also really pissed me off. she said she couldnt talk because the guy was upstairs in bed and could i ring her later!i know well never get back together again but my feelings for here range from anger to missing her. Our relationship was not perfect by any strethc of the imagination between the long distance and each person wth their own issues. I just cant get rid of this feeling of regret and i still do miss not being able to talk to her. I know that too much issues have happened between us for us to ever get back together but it feels like since i went back to college i have changed as a person and not forthe better either. i feel like my life is completely one-dimensional. i hope there is some light atthe end of the tunnel but it just seems that nothing good is ever going to happen. She was the one good thing in my life that I enjoyed when i think about it and i cant seem to get rid of that sense of regret. She went through the same thing when i broke up with her and i feel like a right f**ckin clown for not realising my feelings sooner. I know i have to let her go and if she is happy with the other guy well best of luck to her. I only ever wanted her to be happy but the fact that i miss her and regret so much stupid things i did is really getting to me.i feel so lonely and college is not helping as i am a mature student in a class full of kids. the workload for the next 2 months limits the amount of free time i have and the only thing i look forward to is going home at the weekends and bringing my dogs for a walk.any advice?

ihsb

I understand that you feel like you have made a mistake but maybe that kiss at Christmas was her closure? She had been wanting you to try again with her for some time and you were going through too much. That is fair enough but the chances are that she wanted to help you through this difficult time in your life and you couldn't let her in.

I myself have suffered with anxiety and that is something that maybe a Councillor can help with and then as far as I know there are mature student societies in most colleges to help you meet like-minded people in school.

This might be able to help with some of the background issues but I personally think that maybe you need to let this girl go. Work on being happy in yourself and building up a group of friends (however small) to socialise with. Then maybe you might meet someone else that can make you happy.

You said yourself that your relationship was by no means perfect and if she has her own issues to sort out too maybe you can do without both?

Lolajay

Heya,

God, I feel bad for you. Losing out in love is such a sad feeling - regret is even worse but do you think that on some levels maybe you are wanting what you can no longer have? When something seems unavailable it is always a lot more attractive.

I'm not trying to simplify what you're going through because I've been there, I regretted my actions that caused a break up but then I eventually had to question why I did what I did. Maybe if you dedicate some time to working out why you broke up with her, how you were feeling and why you decided that she wasn't enhancing your life at that time.

You say that you didn't have the best relationship by any stretch of the imagination - look - no ones relationship is perfect - but if she seems willing to commit to this guy quickly then maybe she's found a better dynamic than the one you guys had

And, you know - maybe that is out there for you with someone else too! I don't mean to sound clichéd because heartbreak is the hardest and most personal thing that you need to find your own way through but I do think you might hopefully find some answers in thinking more about how you were feeling at the time you broke up with her. Also, don't beat yourself up - what's done is done. Good Luck