Why the blanking?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have been in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend for a week or so but he sent a text saying it was over. I wanted to talk to him and say good bye and he refused, stopped answering texts and bascially blanked me completely to the point where I was worried about him.

I know guys handle things differently. I am not looking to reconcile I don;t think we were meant to be now but I would like to say good-bye and to get closure for me. While we had our differences we both cared about each other.

I know people will say to cut contact so maybe answering my own question but I need to say good bye I know you can;t force someone else. Chances are we will run into each other at some stage and I don;t want it be awkward.

I am annoyed that he has handled things so badly. I feel really hurt that he has ignored me. While the break up was for the best it doesn;t make it easy, easier but not easy. I have not texted him since by the way.

Why do guys do this - is it just easy way out head in the sand?

Any advice?

Thanks

Daisy M

Not everyone is the same, this is his way of dealing with it and you have to accept that. It doesnt mean he is right and you are wrong or vice versa its just the way it is. You shound as if you have already moved on in your own head and its great you dont feel any animosity, when you do bump into him behave the same as you would have had you had that final goodbyae.

lazygal

When I'm done with someone romantically I'm done. I'm not friends with any of my exes and didn't really want to be in touch with them after the relationship was over. I have to maintain purely professional contact with one ex but I'm not of the "let's be friends" camp. I don't see the point in maintaining contact or getting 'closure', once the relationship has run its course, what's the point? Maybe he just doesn't see the need to discuss something that is over and done with.

Killed By Death

Sorry to hear about your break up OP.

It's possible that he has someone else lined up or in his sights and he wants to make good and sure they know he is single so you're getting the coldest shoulder possible.

It's one explanation I suppose.

ash23

I'm a girl and I'm like this. I have no interest in being friends with someone once we're through romantically. I don't wish to be demoted from girlfriend to friend. Or to appease someone elses guilt by trying to stay friends.
I delete their number, their social networking pages etc. I'm done. End of.

I don't need closure or a long drawn out breakup. I've made that mistake before and all it does is make the pain worse and more prolonged and tends to make the breakup bitter. (in my experience anyway).

Neyite

Closure is over-rated, and frankly unnecessary. You already know deep down why you split, and why you are not good together - why meet up with him for him to ram home what you already know and knock your confidence even more?

If you do meet up for the dreaded closure chat, you will hear the generic "its not you, it me", or "i'm not ready for a relationship" or "I need to concentrate on my studies /work project" etc. Its all code for "I like you but I dont like you enough"

I used to want the whole goodbye+ closure thing in previous breakups, but it only hurt me more in the long run. It was essentially a big painful discussion of white lies - you already have your answers, just not in the format you want.

Accept this is his way to end things, be the better person and in your head wish him well, move on and be happy.

Miss Fluff

questionpls wrote: »

I have been in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend for a week or so but he sent a text saying it was over

Erm, I can't say I blame him for pulling the plug. Why on earth did you need to drag it out for so long? He did the right thing by ending it once and for all so you have to respect that and the way he wants to deal with. This "closure" nonsense is an over-used psychobabble Americanism which in most cases isn't actually necessary. Leave him alone now and let him get on with moving on with his life.

EDIT: Ooops, I interepreted the post as YOU being the one wanting to break up and him finally pulling the plug. Is that the case?

Squiggler

What I'm hearing, and sorry if this is harsh, is that you've slowly been withdrawing from the relationship ("in the process of breaking up") for a while and finally he got the message and beat you to it.

Thinking about ending a relationship can take time, but ending it shouldn't be a drawn out process and neither of you need to sit down and talk through all the faults you see in the other.

He's probably hurting and it seems clear that he just wants to forget you and get on with his life. Which is perfectly reasonable.

You should do the same.

I am a friend

questionpls wrote: »

I would like to say good-bye and to get closure

Why? The closure came from the end of the relationship so what else do you want him to say? As for meeting him out, because he has been so rude, he doesnt deserve that you are polite to him. I would never let myself down by being rude to him but would not go out of my way for him either.

ApeXaviour

I have been in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend for a week or so

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Erm, I can't say I blame him for pulling the plug. Why on earth did you need to drag it out for so long?

Agreed, that sounds like torture. Better for all concerned to pull the bandaid off fast. Cut off all contact, delete from facebook etc. etc.

OP he's not blanking so much as looking after himself. In a few months time when feelings have died down and you're both over eachother, you can meet up for a coffee and then get the closure. This is not the time for that.