Ex moving back home with son

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm just looking for anyone who has been through a similar situation as myself. My ex partner and I are no longer together. We have been living in our home with our 3 year old since we split just after Christmas.

She is foreign and living together is not working out. We have talked about what is best, and she had decided to move back home with our son. She has a job set up and will probaly be happier back home.

I'm just looking for some advice about my son moving to another coutry and peoples experiences. I should add he speaks both languages perfectly too.

apsalar

Hi OP

Situations like this break my heart and i feel for you. It may have been said before but communication really IS key. It's always best for children to be raised with bot parents in their lives but I'm a firm believer in unhappy parents make for unhappy homes. parenting across countries can be done but it takes a lot of level-headedness and much sacrifice on both sides to do what's best for the child. I can't comment on why your ex may want to leave, have you discussed her reasons thoroughly or is she scared to try and co-parent here for lack of support/ work etc? I ask because I know from my own break-up that it's damn scary and trying to do things in a foreign country if you don't have the support network and the home country starts to look very attractive unless you can agree to a co-parenting schedule that helps both your child and you as parents. Ultimately a job offer lead to me remaining here and it was the best thing for our children but it may not always be best for others.

If you can, is it possible to get mediation or counselling? Even if your personal relationship may be full of friction, if she decides to leave things like visitation, money, and education need discussing. Small things like how you will communicate with your child - letters, skype, phone calls? Or even about school options in the new counrty - religious/ secular? How you would prefer extended family to be included in the child's upbringing...all of these topics can get very emotive and need rational un-biased talk,. Even with the best of intentions and calmness it is my own rather unfortunate personal experience that such conversations can get nasty very quickly. An independent third party may put things in perspective.

All the best with things.

James W

Do you want to keep and raise your son here?

ronjo

This happened to a friend of mine and he decided to move to Poland to be close to his boy. Of course, he was lucky in that he got a job where he was travelling a lot and it was just as easy to base himself there but it may be something to look into.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the reply. My ex is not in a position to stay here as she is not working and has no savings. I have been and continue to pay all bills and what ever else she needs.

We have a pretty good relationship when it comes to raising our child. I will be able to visit quite a bit and take him here for summers etc, hopefully with the support of my family (if they ever speak to me again)!

I would not be in a position to care for him here on my own as I work long hours and with a long commute each day. My ex does not have any real support here and her family have a business in her country that she can work in!

ash23

I would get an access agreement drawn up before you let her move away with him.
Get maintenance, access agreements and guardianship issues legalised and formalised.
For example, it's ok that she takes him to her home country but would you be ok with her travelling to another country with him without your permission?
Would you be ok with her moving furthur away in the future?

It may seem cynical to think this way but many people separate with the best of intentions and then things change. My ex wanted my daughter 3 nights a week and all day Sunday. Now he hasn't seen her in a year.

If she meets someone else and has more kids she may not want him coming over for the summer. If you meet someone else she may not like him coming over. PLenty can change so while things are good and amicable, get it all formalised and protect your rights as a father.

Moonbeam

DO you have guardianship?
If not get it asap,
You have no legal rights to your child other then the right to pay maintenance otherwise.