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Is my flatmate avoiding me?

  • 13-02-2012 6:40pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Okay long story short, I don't have a lot of friends, but my flatmate does, and they regularly come around for visits to hang out. I'm naturally shy but I get on well enough with them, join in on movies, etc. But lately there have been very few people coming over, and I barely see my flatmate at all. When I do he seems kind of distant, a lot more than normal.

    Now I'm worried because I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he had a fight with his friends and they're cooling their heels, whether he and them are just working more than usual, or whether they're actually trying to avoid me and meeting up at somebody elses place. And because I'm shy I can't ask about it because I'm not sure I'll like the answer. It would also make me look clingy by asking why they aren't coming over and make it look like I have no other friends - which unfortunately is kind of true. Basically I feel really isolated and I don't know what to do about it. I can make new friends if I like, but I really don't want to lose these ones, if I am losing them at all. I just don't know

    Any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    isolated? wrote: »
    Okay long story short, I don't have a lot of friends, but my flatmate does, and they regularly come around for visits to hang out. I'm naturally shy but I get on well enough with them, join in on movies, etc. But lately there have been very few people coming over

    Couple of things and sorry for having to ask but just trying to get the picture here. Did they ask you to join in on movie nights etc? If not then maybe you haven't given them space etc? If a flatmate was having mates around I'd just clear off out of consideration tbh to give them a bit of space, do you ever do this or have they been very vocal in making sure you join in all their activities? To me a flatmate is a descrete dynamic from being a friend and a lot of people feel this way so do you think you may be confusing the two?


  • #3
    James W
    Closed Accounts Posts: 91 ✭✭James W


    I think that you are analysing this way too much. Is there any reason why your flatmate or his friends would not like you around? It could well be any of the reasons you've suggested or something completely different. In any event, it seems strange to me that you think it has something to do with your presence. I don't know how well you know this guy for or for how long - as Fluff said there is a difference between a flatmate and a friend though, quite often, many friends are made in this way.

    In my view, you should stop thinking about this and start doing things of your own and making new friends independently of your flatmate. That way your flatmate can join in with your pals and vice versa - more of a two way street - rather than you feeling like Johnny Nomates and perhaps being viewed in this way by others!


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