Friend insecure or attention seeking

LegacyUser

My friend always seems to think so little of herself and while it used to make me sad I'm now beginning to think that she's just attention seeking.

She's 21 and a great girl in all aspects. She's intelligent, really good looking (way better looking than me), has great look with guys but just keeps moaning to me about stuff. Anytime we're getting ready to go out she will repeatedly make "huffy" faces and ask me if she looks ugly or "like a fat whore". And when I say repeatedly I mean 10-20 times. What makes it more frustrating is that if I don't think she looks great I'll tell her. In fact, sometimes she tells me I'm too blunt...I'm not mean or anything, just "it doesn't really flatter you" etc.

I firmly believe someone should have sex with whoever they please and she knows this yet whenever she brings someone home I always get her saying things like "don't judge me!" and "oh, I'm such a slut!". I'm actually getting so sick of having to reassure her day in and day out that she's fine.
Is there some way i can say something without sounding like I don't care, because I do I'm just beginning to think she's putting it on.

James W

Just ignore her when she goes on with that stuff.

lace

As other posters have said, I'd skim over it a bit - ignore it sometimes by changing the subject and give a simple "sure i've told you already you're grand" other times.

It probably is just her own insecurity so maybe try to flatter her that bit more when something does suit her etc.

NoobSaibot5

You've the opposite side of the same coin with me. My best friend is incredibly insecure and picks fights with me constantly when I look or feel well. We've had 2 huge bust ups in the last year, the first was when she accused me of trying to steal her friends and claimed I was abandoning here (wasn't the case, we were literally in the exact same bunks and location for the weekend together) and the second was when she recently accused me of trying to sabotage her getting stuck in to a random guy (I spoke to him briefly when she was having a conversation with him, and according to her, I done it to get attention away from her because I wanted him).

Nothing I do or say re-assures her. She's admitted she's not happy with how she looks yet every time I look good or feel good, a fight brews up and she slates my character. It's at the point now where her insecurity is causing her to start picking out fights from nowhere, and she's the type thats too stubborn to admit when she's in the wrong and too comfortable in pointing the blame at me all the time.

I suppose you just have to ask yourself is she worth this negative attention. Think about how this mate makes you feel, if the friendship is one sided, or even if it's worth working on. Personally, im reaching the end of my tether with my friend, but we've got far too many friends in common for me to knock the nail on the head, and knowing her she'd only paint herself out to be the victim in all of this.

gerryk

opiliao wrote: »

I'm just beginning to think she's putting it on.

I think you're right. Some people want everything to be about them, and can use tactics like being self-deprecating to achieve this.

Big Bag of Chips

If she asks how she looks tell her, then use the "i told you already" line.

If she starts saying "dont judge me", "Im such a slut etc", I'd just completely ignore those comments. I think when someone feels bad about themselves they don't generally go on and on about it! They keep it to themselves and hope nobody notices.

She's fishing... and the more you take the bait, the longer she'll fish!

Just ignore the comments that are pissing you off and she'll eventually stop..... maybe!

wylo

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If she starts saying "dont judge me", "Im such a slut etc", I'd just completely ignore those comments. I think when someone feels bad about themselves they don't generally go on and on about it! They keep it to themselves and hope nobody notices.

cant say I agree with this, well maybe shes putting it on, but some people are genuinely insecure and go on about it too, but overall I agree with the ignore policy, reassuring her all the time isnt going to solve her problems.

Next time give out to her, in a nice way, "why do you always have to say that stuff after you've been with someone? Who gives a ****? Cause I dont"

Big Bag of Chips

I know I generalised a bit there but I was more talking about her "Im such a slut" type comments. I think if a person genuinely feels that about themselves and genuinely feels bad about the fact that they sleep with various people they won't broadcast it.

We all know people who are genuinely insecure about weight/looks etc who do put themselves down a lot. But, again generally speaking, I find if people go on about who they slept with or how many etc they are bragging about it! And that, coupled with all the self deprecating comments, makes me think this friend is just fishing (trawling!) for compliments