How much effort is enough in a ldr

LegacyUser

I'm just feeling so sad at the moment and had to see if it's just me being unreasonable or I genuinely should be angry and upset.

My boyfriend is abroad at college for the year. We skype most days which is great. But it's usually me that has to text him first asking when he's available for skype. When I challenge him on this he argues that if I didn't text first he would but I usually leave it until latish in the evening, say 5, because I'm hoping he will for once. On the topic of texting I know he's not that into it but when he left he claimed he'd 'text me every minute of the day'. I'm lucky if I get two random texts a week.

He goes out all the time over there, which I have to accept as I do the same over here. But sometimes he's on a day trip all day, then goes out that night and I just get a text as he's going out the door, sometimes not even that. He says he misses me and loves me and I know he does but then why doesn't he feel the need to contact me more?? I feel like he talks to me in his spare time when he has nothing better to do rather than making time to talk to me

baby and crumble

OP, I have been in a LDR, and it's horrible. But something I learned is that texting and chat are evil in an LDR. EVIL.

When you're the one left at home, it's horrible. You're in your same routine, wheras the other person is out, making new friends and having these amazing new experiences. And you have to let them do that, or else what's the point in them going away?

Would you expect to hear from him multiple times every day if he were here? Probably not.

I don't think you have a right to be angry and upset, however if you are that's ok. I just don't think it's always warranted. When my GF was away, we had a standing date night where we would download an episode of something we both liked, press play at the same time, and then messaged each other throughout. It was like a little date night. Rather than expect to talk every day, maybe a standing weekly thing might be best, with the agreement you'll chat once or twice during the week? What kind of time difference are you working with?

Squiggler

OP, you have my sympathy, it's tough in a LDR. What is the time difference? Even just a few hours can have a pretty big impact.

I like the date night suggested by another poster. It would be a nice way to set aside time for each other.

Is he contacting you less than he did when he was here or were you usually the one to initiate contact anyway? If you've noticed a change in his behaviour towards you then maybe you need to see if there is something else going on... but if it's just that you were hoping that he'd make more of an effort because of the distance then I think maybe you should reconsider your expectations.

Talk as much as you can. Email, text, chat and other written communication can be great, but nothing beats verbal communication.

judgefudge

I don't know how much use this advice will be but I'm hoping it will at least make you feel better. I was in a LDR for over a year with a ten and a half hour time difference (he was waking up as I went to bed basically). We only had a skype session for half an hour once a week and a couple of emails during the week.

Having the chance to talk to your boyfriend on skype once a day is really really nice. I wish I could have had that, you need to appreciate what time you do have with him instead of begging for more. He may not be the first to text or whatever but that doesn't mean you're not on his mind or he doesn't care, people just get busy. Or he may just be waiting to hear from you.

I know its hard when your other half is away meeting new people and having fun. You can feel left out and forgotten about but if you take that insecurity and push it onto him it will only drive him away.

I know its hard, I've been there done that. But you've got to stay strong and know that its perfectly natural to feel this way, hope it works out for you!