Think friend has stolen from me

LegacyUser

Hi, going unreg for this as its a sensitive situation and i dont want myself or the other parties involved to be identified at this stage.
So heres the story;
went out with a friend (whos also a member of my extended family) for a few drinks-a night on the town. Used to be quie close to this person but for reasons such as work, relationships and moving around the country, we drifted apart a little. I nevr had any trust issues with this person is the past. So we went out, both got drunk and the friend ended up coming back to my house and staying the night and left early in the morning. I got up several hours later and me and the oh then discoverd there was money missing. Between 150-220 euro. For a few differen reasons we have some money lying around in one of our presses. Neither of us are 100% on how much was there but we are both certain there is money missing, hence me saying theres 150-220 missing. Anyway we are now in a situation thats awkward for numerous reasons. We both like and trust this person and in all the years iv been arounf this friend they have never done anything to break my trust nor have i ever seen them doing anything slightly sly or sneakey to anyone else, so this all has me baffeled.
After me an oh talked i contacted the friend. Enquired how they were, discussed the night out etc. Then i asked how they got home in the morning to which they replied ' oh i hope u dont mind i took a few euro off the counter'. Which obviously i wouldnt mind, normally.
I am quite tuned into this person and was certain if i spoke to them i would know straight away if they were acting different with me, or if i asked a couple of certain questions that depending on their response i would know if they had done it or not. But after the conversation im still none the wiser. In fact im 99% sure of their innocence, as is the oh. But then where is the money gone? We had no one else in the house..at all so this is the only reasonable explanation. Unless one of us has made some sort of mistake which were sure we havent.
I should mention that the person in question is having some money troubles at the moment. No debt or anything, more that they arent on a great wage. They also didnt have much money when we were going out and i knew they had no money to get home in the morning, thats why i asked how they gt home etc. Anyway all the makes them look like the guilty party but everything else makes it seem as if they are innocent and im obvously reluctant to go off half cocked accusing someone of theft. Especially when its a family member, it would cause murder. I dont want to blame anyone for something they didnt do, but i cant just forget about it eiether...or can i?
Please help! This is killing both of us.
Btw, i would normally put cash etc out of the way if there was people in the house but i didnt this time....i will in future though.
Thanks, and sorry its such a long post. I just really felt the situation should be afforded proper explanation.

TwoShedsJackson

If you wish to remain friendly with them, and you are not 100% sure they took it, say nothing.

gagomes

Well, the way I see it is: for as good a person may be to you, if they are taking your money, you should seek to understand it and clear it and maybe even stop the friendship right there. You like this person, but if he/she is in fact guilty, it appears to be a one-way relationship where only you are doing the care thing otherwise there will be only you caring about the friendship and the problem will continue and most likely escalate. This time it was a "couple'a euros", next time it might be jewellery or something belonging to your ancestry of larger emotional value.

Remember, clearing it up is not the end of a relationship, the person may be a 'kleptomaniac'. If that is the case, then you are more educated to make better decisions in the future, if you wish to continue the friendship, etc.

amdublin

gagomes wrote: »

Well, the way I see it is: for as good a person may be to you, if they are taking your money, you should seek to understand it and clear it and maybe even stop the friendship right there. You like this person, but if he/she is in fact guilty, it appears to be a one-way relationship where only you are doing the care thing otherwise there will be only you caring about the friendship and the problem will continue and most likely escalate. This time it was a "couple'a euros", next time it might be jewellery or something belonging to your ancestry of larger emotional value.

Remember, clearing it up is not the end of a relationship, the person may be a 'kleptomaniac'. If that is the case, then you are more educated to make better decisions in the future, if you wish to continue the friendship, etc.

There is no way of proving this one way or another.

Don't leave money hanging around.

Daisy M

Would you not just ring and ask how much they took? You dont have to sound accusing just say you are missing a bit of money and want to figure out if it is lost or not before you go to the hassle of retracing your steps looking for it.

Maybe you didnt have as much money as you though if your attitude to money is kinda relaxed it maybe easy to forget that you took some money from the cupboard when stuck or when something unexpected popped up.

gud4u

Daisy M wrote: »

Would you not just ring and ask how much they took? You dont have to sound accusing just say you are missing a bit of money and want to figure out if it is lost or not before you go to the hassle of retracing your steps looking for it.

Maybe you didnt have as much money as you though if your attitude to money is kinda relaxed it maybe easy to forget that you took some money from the cupboard when stuck or when something unexpected popped up.

Live and learn, maybe you just didn't realise how much you had, where it was, if you keep it in differents places. Why not get a safebox if it's a thing you have to keep cash in house.

Money lying around is going to be tempting to anyone these days. Maybe just learn from it and move on.

Dr. Manhattan

Stolenfromme wrote: »

Then i asked how they got home in the morning to which they replied ' oh i hope u dont mind i took a few euro off the counter'.

Did you ask how much the "few euro" was?

James W

If you're 99% sure of their innocence then what's the issue?

If the person has always been honest and trustworthy to date then this is a fair basis for assuming this is still the case and, if they did take the money, they must be really stuck or have something going on.

I would certainly give them the benefit of doubt.

In relation to taking a few euro for a taxt - personally, I would never take money off anyone without asking or, at the very least, leaving a note.

Midnight Sundance

This is going to sound off topic but the point I'm trying to make us that perhaps someone else you know could take it without you realising...
I saw a documentary once about people breaking in others homes. There was one family that kept finding money disappearing from their kitchen also. After a while they set up a spy cam, turns out a distant relative would call round when they were in work, get in thought the dog flap, just take the money n couple would return to perfect house which looked like it was never broken into.

I'd keep my money in a safer place and chalk it down to a life lesson unfortunately.

James W

gagomes wrote: »

Well, the way I see it is: for as good a person may be to you, if they are taking your money, you should seek to understand it and clear it and maybe even stop the friendship right there. You like this person, but if he/she is in fact guilty, it appears to be a one-way relationship where only you are doing the care thing otherwise there will be only you caring about the friendship and the problem will continue and most likely escalate. This time it was a "couple'a euros", next time it might be jewellery or something belonging to your ancestry of larger emotional value.

Remember, clearing it up is not the end of a relationship, the person may be a 'kleptomaniac'. If that is the case, then you are more educated to make better decisions in the future, if you wish to continue the friendship, etc.

Do not agree with any of this at all!! Perhaps this person needs care at this point in time and perhaps they might be in a desperate situation financially and needed the money but were to embarrassed to ask. Perhaps too, at some future point, when they have some spare cash, it will be returned. Have faith in your friend.

Re the kleptomaniac theory - such people steal for the sake of stealing - whether the item is of value or not is irrelevant.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses. Just to clarfiy, there is betweem one hundred and fifty ( €150.00) and two hundred and twenty ( €220.00) euro missing. They said they took 2 or 3euro from the counter for a bus home.
As i said there was no one in the house at all apart from this friend. I would be more inclined to just forget about it at this stage and chalk it down to experience. I say forget, but i wont actually ever forget!
Me and oh have been talkin and it looks like this person is attending a family function next week and wanting to stay at our place again. We were thinking of leaving the money where it is, but making sure we know exactley whats there down to the last cent. Then before they go home in the ,orning we will check it and if theres some missing then we will know it was them for certain and confront them. What do you all think of this idea? I genuinely hope it wasnt this person as it would crush me as i am very fond of them, but on the other hand i cant just let someone away with stealing from me(if they did.) like i say everything i knoiw about them tells me it wasnt them, but all other evidence points to them. They were definatley the only person bar us in the house. And i know there was at least €150. And to answer what someone said about someone getting into the house without breaking in, well again this isnt a fiasable explanation as me or my oh were in the house all the time, it was never unoccupied.

moco

I think your idea about leaving the money there again to see if they take it is a good idea. Possibly mark it in some way too.

Last year I had a friend to stay, and a few days after she left, I went to get some currency I'd left in a handbag in the spare room but it was gone. I didn't believe she would have taken it but she was the only other person in the room so there was no other explanation. I spent weeks wondering whether or not to say anything, until one day I suddenly remembered that I'd exchanged it the last time I was at the airport

Just don't accuse until you have absolute proof.