problems with abusive flatmates

LegacyUser

TL;DR: Abusive flatmates occupying a shared kitchen with their friends and playing music loudly. How to get them to stop?

Just seeking general advice. Basically I live in a shared 3 story house with 7 rooms. I used to get along well with everyone, but at one point, I had an argument with one of the flatmates because thought it was right to use my private internet for a month and not to pay for it when she agreed she would half it.

I didn't force her to pay, but our relationship went from friends to someone who despises the other. I wouldn't file it under the enemies, but it borders it when I think too much about it.

Anyway, she is polish and so is another couple and another girl in the house. I don't speak with the polish couple for similar reasons, although I speak with the other girl. Since this couple came into the house, not only they tried to boss everyone around but also accused me of peeing in the bathroom sink in an indirect manner because of my height.

The problem I have is that, the polish people in the house takeover the kitchen every weekend (Friday and Saturdays) and have parties with all their friends in there and I obviously don't feel like going in, let alone the noise they make every weekend. I need to find a way to get them to stop it. Speaking to the landlord is unlikely to be the good solution. Moving out is a possibility but my contract is only due in 2 months...I have thought about leaving a passive/aggressive note in the kitchen walls. I have also thought about calling the police anonymously pretending I live on the next house, although this would likely happen every single time.

Now, for instance, I went into the kitchen at 2am and all the polish people I don't speak to were seating there and I obviously felt like they may be talking about me.

How would you react to this?

LegacyUser

Just wanted to make it clear that there is no xenophobism going on. I don't have any issues with polish people in general, just these... unfortunately.

LovelyLottie

You need to move out.

LegacyUser

LovelyLottie wrote: »

You need to move out.

Thanks lovelylottie. That has been considered. I was hoping for alternative and/or creative ways to get the problem solved or at least sorted temporarily, as I don't have much of an alternative due to the contract ending in 2 months.

Stavro Mueller

I don't know what you expect anyone here to say. You're outnumbered in there and are living with people who don't like you very much. Anything you do is just going to stir the pot and not improve life for you one iota.

LovelyLottie

You're living with people who dislike you. You've said that you despise them.

Do you want someone to agree with you about leaving "a passive/aggressive note" on the kitchen wall or crank calling the Gardaí? If anyone on here agrees with either of those courses of action, they're taking the p1ss.

In my opinion, your only option is to move out. Best of luck.

ted1

Move out, tell your landlord why. Under the circumstances he can't tie you to a contract.

Password protect your internet.
Go into the kitchen regardless of who they've got in there.
Get earplugs for the noise.
Make plans to move out.

amdublin

ted1 wrote: »

Move out, tell your landlord why. Under the circumstances he can't tie you to a contract.

Im not sure that's correct.

true-or-false wrote: »

Password protect your internet.
Go into the kitchen regardless of who they've got in there.
Get earplugs for the noise.
Make plans to move out.

^^^ This

Miss Fluff

Tell the landlord that the house and living arrangements have become intolerable and you want to terminate your contract on that basis forthwith. Definitely worth saying it to your landlord. I'd also start looking for somewhere else to live...

IrishEyes19

In this case I wouldnt even consider trying to resolve it, and usually I would put forward that option straight away. But from what you said, you are clearly outnumbered and not included in their social scene anyway. I can imagine how uncomfortable it is, you pay rent there as well and you are being made feel like a an outsider. I would just pack up and move somewhere else. No point stressing about it.

gud4u

RUN FOREST RUN.....

Will you lose a deposit if you leave now. If so, consider what's more important, money or your mind.

gugleguy

My own take on above is

DANGER WILL ROBINSON

what's more important, your money or your mind

James W

deoccupykitchenstreet wrote: »

TL;DR: Abusive flatmates occupying a shared kitchen with their friends and playing music loudly. How to get them to stop?

Just seeking general advice. Basically I live in a shared 3 story house with 7 rooms. I used to get along well with everyone, but at one point, I had an argument with one of the flatmates because thought it was right to use my private internet for a month and not to pay for it when she agreed she would half it.

I didn't force her to pay, but our relationship went from friends to someone who despises the other. I wouldn't file it under the enemies, but it borders it when I think too much about it.

Anyway, she is polish and so is another couple and another girl in the house. I don't speak with the polish couple for similar reasons, although I speak with the other girl. Since this couple came into the house, not only they tried to boss everyone around but also accused me of peeing in the bathroom sink in an indirect manner because of my height.

The problem I have is that, the polish people in the house takeover the kitchen every weekend (Friday and Saturdays) and have parties with all their friends in there and I obviously don't feel like going in, let alone the noise they make every weekend. I need to find a way to get them to stop it. Speaking to the landlord is unlikely to be the good solution. Moving out is a possibility but my contract is only due in 2 months...I have thought about leaving a passive/aggressive note in the kitchen walls. I have also thought about calling the police anonymously pretending I live on the next house, although this would likely happen every single time.

Now, for instance, I went into the kitchen at 2am and all the polish people I don't speak to were seating there and I obviously felt like they may be talking about me.

How would you react to this?

Honestly, I'd move out, plain and simple - it's obviosuly wrecking your peace of mind. Seven or more people sharing a house is just not a good receipe for harmonious living.

You say you despise this person but wouldn't call them an enemy - that's funny!

LegacyUser

I read you all and I'm thankful for your time into providing me suggestions. I have been trying to ignore them, but it's too damn hard when it comes to Friday and from 7pm onwards the kitchen is theirs. On sundays, generally around this time, it tends to become even awkward. The girl that didn't pay the net brings her new boyfriend and sets up a romantic rose'n'candle dinner in there. I understand I don't have options other than leaving the house, but wanted to avoid it as much as possible, hence I resorted to ask for advice in the forum. I know the p/a note and calling the gardai is unlikely to resolve, I didn't expect people to +1 these ideas as I did have them prior to posting. I also know I don't have an option, I'm outnumbered and draining my mind energy with all this.

James W wrote: »

Honestly, I'd move out, plain and simple - it's obviosuly wrecking your peace of mind. Seven or more people sharing a house is just not a good receipe for harmonious living.

You say you despise this person but wouldn't call them an enemy - that's funny!

Well, by despising I mean I don't care about her. Wouldn't do anything for her, not good, nor bad. I just pretend she doesn't exist, even if consciously she continually annoys me as I now have "kitchen anxiety" and we bump into each other sometimes, as she lives next to the kitchen and in between her room and the kitchen, there is also a collective bathroom that she uses regularly and increases the chances of us seeing each other. If she was an enemy, I would likely attempt to draft up a plan for revenge. Even if that sometimes is in the back of my mind when I think about it and when I hear these parties starting, I never did anything.

In any case, I just called the landlord and he said he was coming into the house shortly. Fingers crossed!

LegacyUser

Calling the landlord is a good idea imo. He needs to know what is going on in the house as he will have to let the rooms to future tenants. He will not be too happy if he has tenants moving in and out all the time because of a few inconsiderate pr!cks.

I lived in a situation where I shared a house with 6 other people. We would always have weekly meetings about the chores and what people's plans are (including a romantic dinner or gathering with other friends). The weekly meetings kept our sanity and got things cleared in the air when conflicts arised as well as promoting respect with each other's space. It is your right not to feel uncomfortable in your own living space and since you pay rent too you have every right to be in the kitchen regardless. If there is another candlelit dinner going on maybe you can serenade them with the violin or blast some death metal in the background..............only joking:D

Atlantis50

deoccupykitchenstreet wrote: »

TL;DR: Abusive flatmates occupying a shared kitchen with their friends and playing music loudly. How to get them to stop?

Just seeking general advice. Basically I live in a shared 3 story house with 7 rooms. I used to get along well with everyone, but at one point, I had an argument with one of the flatmates because thought it was right to use my private internet for a month and not to pay for it when she agreed she would half it.

I didn't force her to pay, but our relationship went from friends to someone who despises the other. I wouldn't file it under the enemies, but it borders it when I think too much about it.

Anyway, she is polish and so is another couple and another girl in the house. I don't speak with the polish couple for similar reasons, although I speak with the other girl. Since this couple came into the house, not only they tried to boss everyone around but also accused me of peeing in the bathroom sink in an indirect manner because of my height.

The problem I have is that, the polish people in the house takeover the kitchen every weekend (Friday and Saturdays) and have parties with all their friends in there and I obviously don't feel like going in, let alone the noise they make every weekend. I need to find a way to get them to stop it. Speaking to the landlord is unlikely to be the good solution. Moving out is a possibility but my contract is only due in 2 months...I have thought about leaving a passive/aggressive note in the kitchen walls. I have also thought about calling the police anonymously pretending I live on the next house, although this would likely happen every single time.

Now, for instance, I went into the kitchen at 2am and all the polish people I don't speak to were seating there and I obviously felt like they may be talking about me.

How would you react to this?

I'd invite friends over to the kitchen and organise my own parties on Friday/Saturday evenings.

A counter party if you like!

If you think that could be seen as too confrontational or something that would aggravate the situation, then have a group of friends over on some other evening/night that is normally quiet (as a 'show of strength' and to reassert your rights as a paying tenant who can also invite guests just like them). I wouldn't go so far as to try and copy them in terms of noise levels, but don't be like mice either.

Oh, and be sure to speak Irish to your friends while they're there

going un-reg

OP, coming from a person who has lived in a lot of apartments and a lot of shared housing, I'd NOT take the advice of trying to match them with parties and noise levels, this will only aggravate the situation and in the long term, make things more awkward between you and your other flatmates.

I've been in situations like this, where you felt like approaching your flatmates wouldn't solve anything. That's just how they are, it's how they live their life, and if it conflicts with yours, it's best to find a more suitable house to live in.

I'd just focus on moving out, and finding more like-minded flatmates.

ongarboy

I also recommend moving out. I know you have done nothing wrong here but to make things better for yourself, a retreat rather than confrontation is the better option here as you are outnumbered. For the next two months, focus on doing a lot of external activities (take up new hobbies/exercise/walks and jogs in the evenings now that there is a bit of extra daylight) to minimise the amount of spare time you have to spend in the house and in the weeks coming up to your lease expiry, actively seek out new accommodation.

May I suggest you try and find a house share with perhaps just one other housemate when seeking new accommodation? I'm assuming you do not want to live alone or may not be able to afford to as that may be the best option for you if you could. The more housemates in a house, the more likelihood of personality clashes, disagreements over living arrangements etc and this house sounded like there were too many for your liking.