What would have happened tonight

mfceiling

Feck it, let's call this ourselves....

Ireland win the toss and take the kick off.

Sexton sends it deep into the French 22 and France knock on........

Continue

rosskind

Ref says pitch's unplayable and abandons the game.

Reloc8

rosskind wrote: »

Ref says pitch's unplayable and abandons the game.

Booo play properly.

To continue.

The knock on is not recovered by Ireland. Scrum Ireland, Rile Nugent and Tony Ward agree that you have to take every chance going against the French.

Irish scrum comes under pressure, Pearson pings Healy for having a hand on the ground after the engagement. Penalty France and they clear their lines, lineout on the halfway to France (on the 'far side' as you look at the telly).

Hagz

The scrum goes down and the front-row forget their names.

mfceiling

DOC takes line out, Murray box kicks aimlessly...france start a counter attack from their own 22.....

Reloc8

Medard is badly missed by the Irish chase and makes 20 yards up the middle, off loads to Picamoles who drives into contact, and off loads to Harinordiquay. Harinordiquay is hauled down in midfield on the Irish 22.

Tox56

Sexton's injured leg begins to tighten up due to the sub-zero temperatures, and he collapses 5 minutes in, out for the rest of the season, crippling Leinster's European title ambitions.

You know what, I'm glad this didn't go ahead.

Mint Sauce

mfceiling wrote: »

Feck it, let's call this ourselves....

Ireland win the toss and take the kick off.

Sexton sends it deep into the French 22 and France knock on........

Continue

Game gets called off at Half time due to unplayable surface.

TheRiddler

All the boys had lovely bottoms

The_Kew_Tour

France 0 - 100 Ireland at full time

Dexysgirl

Sexton goes down....hamstring gone.
Looks like ROG starts for the rest of the season!!!!!

Fishooks12

I wouldn't be forced into an hour long skyping session with woman because I have a valid excuse that's what!

padser

Reloc8 wrote: »

Medard is badly missed by the Irish chase and makes 20 yards up the middle, off loads to Picamoles who drives into contact, and off loads to Harinordiquay. Harinordiquay is hauled down in midfield on the Irish 22.

Kidney looks at the bench, eyes up ROG, decides that, with just 3 minutes gone, it's too early to make the change. He regrets not having Paddy Wallace on the bench as an extra outhalf option - its for just this kind of situation he likes to have him there. Decision - no change.

Hook has just broken into commentary to make some nonsense point - we don't think even he believes it - it's just whatever he thinks might get him some headlines, after all - O'Shea and Popey have upstaged him in the tie department today!

Back on the pitch Heaslip has robbed the ball on the deck and passed to Darcy who, surprise surprise, straightens the line and makes about 2 yards (but does in fairness protect the ball) to just inside Ireland's 22. Murray goes to take the ball but is tackled by a French player who is clearly offside. Pearson waves play on and (bizarrely) tells Ireland they carried the ball back in so can't go straight into touch.

gcgirl

Gcgirl runs from Ireland's 22 to the try line then realizes she has a French jersey on

As is often the case in Paris, Ireland get a foothold in French territory, pummel away in the French 22, ball is knocked on, French clear. Ireland recover the ball but ball carrier is isolated and pinged for holding on. France 3-0.

Ireland come back from that setback and again get territory in the French 22 and put some phases together, pass doesn't go to hand, France hack clear, French pack pour over the ball and realise they have an overlap, Ireland scramble defence manages to temporarily avert the danger but France spread the ball wide, retreating Irish defenders make attempts to obstruct, met with Derision from the French supporters, blind dave plays advantage and two phases and a couple of poor tackles later France are under the posts and 10-0 up while Ryle and Tony talk about how cruel a game rugby can be and wax lyrical about how France only need a moment and they can be devastating.

France are now rampant, Ireland infringe [insert momentary stupidity from Irish player] and blind Dave eager to keep the baying French crowd at bay decides its time to reduce Ireland to 14 and France promptly run in another couple of tries. [Insert Irish Coach] looks worried, Ryle asks what must he be thinking now.

France come out in the 2nd half with a laissez faire attitude. [Insert French Coach makes stupid substititions too early]. Irelands replacements orchestrate a comeback and get back to within a couple of scores but fall heroically short. Moral victory is proclaimed, Irish replacements get overhyped by the media leading in to the next game.

Neil3030

Streaker invades the pitch. POC and SOB share a knowing nod at one another, non-verbally communicating their respect for his lack of shrinkage on such a frigid night.

its_phil

Ryle Nugent: "Tommy Bowe!!!"

mfceiling

Kearney fields a huge garryowen....

Tony ward - Kearney had "no right" to make that catch

thomond2006

During the break of play, George Hook would come on from the studio and troll for 20 seconds.

Dr.Evil

With Sexton's hamstring ruling him out, ROG also gets injured after being concussed in a brutal hit from Rougerie. Tom Court warms up and gets set to take his place at 10..

CatFromHue

Dr.Evil wrote: »

With Sexton's hamstring ruling him out, ROG also gets injured after being concussed in a brutal hit from Rougerie. Tom Court warms up and gets set to take his place at 10..

He has an excellent record at kicking for touch. Was it against the All Blacks were the ball popped out of a ruck in our 22 and he put in a great touch finding kick?

Niall09

Richard Dunne comes in at 13 and scores 17 tries

wongus69

Two impact subs in the form of Matt Mellotte and Sean Moran take the field. They take turns crashing it up the field til they're beneath the posts at which point Matt Mellotte puts Moran in the pocket and he slots it to win 69-68

peterako

This is better than the "real thing"

Court slots a dropgoal from 90 metres out bringing the score to Ireland 3 - France 100....adding a new twist to the 'inter-Provincial 10 debate'.

Meanwhile....Murray's hair freezes in Jedward style forcing a 'Blood-gate' like scandal as injury is faked so that he can be thawed.

Paul O'Connell strips down to his sequined G-String to upstage DOC in the lineout.....

The -7C temperature freezes Deccie's smile in place as he looks up some new words on Google for his after match speech.

(I'm getting worried about myself....time to seek some help?)

siltirocker

Well I am just glad Kidney listened to the fans and settled the Outhalf debate once and for all.

Hard luck Staunton, but Manning just wanted it more. :P