Your allowed to laugh but I still need your opinion.

Feeling ancient

Like the name suggests, I really am feeling ancient. Like an 80 year old woman stuck in a 20 year olds body, without the perkiness of course. In reality, I’m halfway there, 41 (and a half).

Quick sum up before I pour my heart out. Long marriage, really long marriage over and four kids later. What do I do now?

I’m not scared of going out, love it in fact. I love the night life, though feel pretty ticked off when surrounded by so much perkiness while I’m drooping way too far south in just about every department but after a drink or two, I barely even notice.


I’m open, friendly and game for any kind of a laugh, who wouldn’t be getting their freedom and getting out there again rather than stuck at home in front of the fire shovelling coal on every other hour while doing homework with the kids for 14 years straight. This standing in a bar with blaring loud music is just brilliant, Rhianna? Bring it on. I kick myself for not getting out all those years of nappies and teething, bottle feeds and the like, oh wait, yeah, I get that bit now, ok, ignore that last bit, I remember the exhaustion, tiredness and never ending cranky phase of my life.

But, its gone now. The kids are all bigger than me and they all have a bloody brilliant social life. I wanted one too so went out and got one. Me and Rhianna are having a right laugh making up for lost time.

My problem? Well, what happens if some night I get lucky? Not that I’m expecting to or hoping to anytime soon, well I am, sort of, but I think I’m at the stage of trying to mentally prepare myself for how to go about it.

What happens if I meet a guy, and things start to get a little heated? And then things get a little more hot and bothered, the thought of going any further than that is just about wrecking my head at this stage. Why you might ask. Well, it’s not like I’m nervous about actually having sex with another man other than my husband for the first time in my life (which by the way was my only partner EVER) because I don’t think that’s what’s making me nervous, ok, maybe just a little then. You’ll probably burst out laughing at this but what’s really bothering me are the wobbly bits.

Please, compose yourself. Ok, I know we all have them, and everyone hates them, but seriously, mine are the bane of my life. Please don’t tell me to exercise, I’ve put my dog through hell with the amount of walking I’ve forced us both into along with the usual sit-ups while dreaming of hitting the chipper. I may as well have drank bottles of bio-oil and the like for the amount of it I’ve slathered on my stretch marks and saggy bits. I would have been better off saving it all up to pay for a tummy tuck.

I diverse. My problem. Do I continue on into the latter half of my adult life never having risked daylight hitting my mid-rift ever again?, or, just explain to any guy that I might take the chance with that there are stipulations to our first sexual encounter? It would go something like this:

Rule No 1 - Lights must remain off at all times.
Rule No 2 - You must have consumed a large amount of alcohol
Rule No 3 - You must have no feeling in your hands
Rule No 4 - And they must remain flat on the bed, no body contact at all times.

Do you think that’s too much to ask? I could take off No 4

So tell me, how do you do it?

pigman2000

don't think there's a problem girl, if you've got some lad ready to rock and roll, he won't mind - i say honestly because you were honest in your post.

lads like wobbly bits too. plus he'll be no van damme possibly so don't sweat it - i mean that in the nice way!

thought the problem was going to be where to do it - since that's no problem, you're laughin

all the best

anewme

I'm your age and single. Have been single 4 years now and not had as much as one date in all that time as I had lost all my confidence. Felt fat and ugly and on the shelf

But have a feeling this is going to be the year for me. Was sitting around too much eating crap and drinking wine almost every night. Have knocked that on the head and have lost a stone since Christmas. Had lost another stone and a half last year, so I've 3 more pounds to go to be near enough the same weight I was 20 years ago.

Wont lie, have done a lot of work in the gym and spin class and walking and watching what I eat, but I feel so good. Bring it on!

All I need now is a guy!

Good luck with it.

Oisinjm

Google HIIT - High-intensity interval training. Visit the fitness forum. Walking wont do much good to lose weight. Get proactive about solving the issue, don't hide from it. Walks won't do much good at all

vicecreamsundae

OP, I don't think you need to change your body, you just need to change your attitude.

First of all, you're not the sum of your wobbly bits! You sound fun and outgoing and as you said, you get plenty of excercise anyway. I'm sure there is far more to you than any of you physical flaws, so just be yourself. Even if you're not super confident about your body, you don't need to make any apologies for it! If someone cares about only dating women with a perfect figure, let them at it.

Sexual experiences are about how they feel, not how they look. You're probably not going to be checking each other out in a mirror the entire time, you're going to be busy enjoying each other! If some dim lighting makes you feel more at ease then go for it, but if you're into someone and having a genuine good time, you shouldn't be worrying about inconsequential love handles! That's my take on it anyway.

Also, everyone knows confidence is attractive. If you focus on your body hangups, other people will too. Even if you fake it, just act confident and focus on enjoying yourself rather than what you look like

Sleepy

Like another poster said already, HIIT or resistance based training will do far more good than any amount of walking, the fitness forum would be a great help for that.

That said, sexually, there's nothing more off-putting than a partner who's too hung up on their insecurities to enjoy themselves in bed. Sexual confidence trumps a "perfect" body every time imho. Any man that's in or around your age (or a decade younger like myself) with any sexual experience will have slept with at least one woman who's body shows the physical signs of her motherhood. It's not something off-putting in the slightest in my experience. Being self-concious about it is, however: lights-off sex is boring sex unless it's part of some sensory deprivation roleplay with a regular partner of course

baby and crumble

OP, nobody is perfect. But trust me when i say that anyone who fancies you in clothes enough to want to take those clothes off will really not notice any 'flaws'. They'll just be thinking "OH MY GOD BOOBS!"

aidan24326

I can only echo what Sleepy said really.

Your 4 'rules' would be a bigger turn-off for any guy than whatever bit of wobblies you might have going on. We're not all that shallow that all that matters is a supermodel body.

If a guy likes you and finds you attractive then trust me he'll scarcely take any notice.

Unless he's Brad Pitt's twin brother he's probably not going to have the body of the year either. If you can make a connection with somebody mentally and get on with them and have a laugh then the physical stuff will fall into place regardless. So don't overthink it and send those rules to the recycle bin asap as they're completely unnecessary.

username123

OP - wait til theres no one home, dim the lights, have some vino, put on Rhianna and dance around the house naked and enjoy yourself!

Then when you are having a good time, glance in the mirror. I promise you, if youre smiling, laughing, enjoying yourself and confident - youre gonna like what you see - and so will any potential partner!

Relax and learn to love your wobbly bits - we all have them!

Feeling ancient

Your right, your all right, of course your right. I’m being silly, childish and immature, not too sure about the shallow vain bit, but I see all your points.

My wobbly bits are part of me and I should love them. (in my mind I’m saying ‘codswallop’, but I probably would be giving the same advice to anyone else that your giving to me here). I’m sure you can tell from my tone here that I have a sense of humour :D:D and can easily make light of any given situation, and yes, I was even joking about the list of stipulations. Jeeze, can you imagine anyone saying those things for real to anybody???? Not on your nelly.

So, love and accept myself, I can do that. Except…. Well… my pouch, lets put it this way, Skippy the Kangaroo’s mother would be proud of this pouch. Let’s call it the ‘Sheila Pouch’, god I hate it so much! I think its seriously asking too much of me to love and accept that bit too.

Pigman2000, I spend my life laughing, its what keeps me going. The place wasn’t the problem though until you mentioned it… I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Hmmm…. Now I know what my next post is going to be about.

Anewme, I say fair play to you, well done and keep up the great work, and don’t worry, you’ll get that guy. Your obviously working a lot harder than me, actually I haven’t done anything at all compared to you other than name my body part Sheila’s pouch. I think I need a new hobby.

See, weight isn’t a problem for me. I don’t intend for this to sound like I’m showing off or anything, because I’m really not but I’ve never had weight on me, figure wise, I’m very happy with my lot, other than my Sheila pouch.

Oisinjm, if walking is no good for me, who will I get to walk the dog?

Vicecreamsundae (great name btw) if I change my attitude I might start naming the rest of my body parts too and be in a worse predicament. No, naming one body part is bad enough, I can’t risk getting sensible at this hour of my life and realising that my backside isn’t firm like a 20 year olds and hasn’t gone south like my grandmothers. I would rather live delusional.

Sleepy? Lights off sex is boring? I could always spice it up with something else but if he’s to be drunk is there really any point? Plus it might be a waste if he can’t feel anything with his hands either.

Baby and crumble, I got boobs, I got okay boobs too, do you think it might work using those as a distraction then? Hmmm… you have me thinking now.

Aidan2436 Brad Pitt has a twin? My list of stipulations has just drastically changed!

Sunflower27, did you know about Brad Pitt’s twin brother? Why would I embrace myself when I could have him? Sheila pouch? What Sheila pouch????

Username123 !!!! What do you think I have been entertaining myself with all this time??? Sure aren’t meself and Rhianna great buddies at this stage, and don’t get me started on whatshisface Bulldog, er Pitbull I mean.

Thanks for the laugh everyone. Tis good to talk

Really appreciate the replies though, its nice to know that others have the same hangups slipping south. I don’t feel so wobbly anymore….

username123

Hey OP - why dont you save up and get a tummy tuck? I know what you are talking about with the pouch, youve had 4 kids! Ive had no kids and I still look at my belly and my heart sinks lol!!!

If a tummy tuck would give you loads of better feelings about yourself - do it! It can all be part of your new independant woman living, actually, ask the kids to pay for it - they caused the need!

LegacyUser

Hey op, my mum would be the same as you. She is slim(size 8) but has had 4 children by c-section. Her and my dad broke up when she was in her mid 40's being married since she was 17.

She hit the internet dating trail a few years after and nothing has stopped her! She has had 3 semi serious realtionships from it.
She was so self concious of her figure espically in front of the men who had never had children before because she thought they would be turned off by her tummy pouch, but after the first time these worries dissapeared.

Go out, have fun and when it happens, the man is going to give two hoots about your little pouch.