Advice

LegacyUser

I need some advice and have decided to go unregistered for this one. Basically a couple of years ago I had a one night stand and that in itself was very stupid but I also ended up catching an sti. Unfortunately it's one of the ones that I would have to disclose. I would just like some advice on how to go about telling a potential partner about it and maybe if anyone has gone through something similar?

I don't normally sleep around and really was just caught out. It's been a very hard thing to come to terms with but I have and am now ready to move on with things. It's not life threatening I will add.

Really what I'm looking for advice on is has anyone on here had to tell someone something of this kind or has anyone been told themselves and how it was received. Is it a deal breaker for most people?

It's taken a long time to even write this post so please no smart comments!

Thanks.

LegacyUser

Yeah, my now wife had an ex BF that gave her an STD... we used condoms for a while, then she told me, no big deal really. I felt so sorry for her when she told me, she was very upset. Fairly understandable really, I didn't expect her to be a virgin in fairness!

LegacyUser

Been there before wrote: »

Yeah, my now wife had an ex BF that gave her an STD... we used condoms for a while, then she told me, no big deal really. I felt so sorry for her when she told me, she was very upset. Fairly understandable really, I didn't expect her to be a virgin in fairness!

Hi there,

OP here. You weren't annoyed that she didn't tell you about it first? I understand the importance of telling someone. It's not a big deal, everyone has been exposed to something or other I'm sure. It's just the unlucky ones that get caught out. Thanks for your reply, I would like to think that I'll find someone as understanding as you.

ihsb

If I were you I would not mention it until you are ready to sleep with the potential partner.

You seem like you regard sex carefully normally so if you are ready to take the plunge with someone new in the future then I can only imagine that a certain level of trust is there. Hopefully at this stage the partner might feel the same way about you and will deal with it in the appropriate manner and then before you take the plunge you can discuss it.

Then they can only thank you for being honest before something went further.

LegacyUser

ihsb wrote: »

If I were you I would not mention it until you are ready to sleep with the potential partner.

You seem like you regard sex carefully normally so if you are ready to take the plunge with someone new in the future then I can only imagine that a certain level of trust is there. Hopefully at this stage the partner might feel the same way about you and will deal with it in the appropriate manner and then before you take the plunge you can discuss it.

Then they can only thank you for being honest before something went further.

OP here. Yes I do regard sex carefully normally. I agree to tell them and see what the reaction is. If it's not a good reaction then at least they have been told. Not everyone will freak out about it and may be understanding but I think this would be a major deal breaker for alot of guys unfortunately.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Op here. I received a bad reaction from someone I told before and it has made me think that it's a deal breaker for most. I have only ever told one person. Lots of people must be going through the same thing I can't be the only one. It's definitely not something to tell right away I understand that it's better to wait. Thanks for your advice and for replying.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can completely relate to where you're coming from. I am in the exact same boat. The only difference is I got the STI while in a loving relationship that ended last year. I was since seeing someone else briefly and it got to the point where we were going to get intimate. I decided at the last minute that I couldn't face telling her or putting her in danger of getting what I have so I made some lame excuses and didn't go through with it. Unfortunately I can't give you any concrete advice as a result. Since that experience I have decided that what's meant to be is meant to be, so when I do meet the next person I really click with I'm just going to face up to it and tell them the story. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. If the person reacted badly then it seems like it wasn't supposed to be. If they couldn't be understanding about the situation you've found yourself in after getting to know you, then you're better off without them in my opinion!

ihsb

UnregOP wrote: »

OP here. Yes I do regard sex carefully normally. I agree to tell them and see what the reaction is. If it's not a good reaction then at least they have been told. Not everyone will freak out about it and may be understanding but I think this would be a major deal breaker for alot of guys unfortunately.

If it is the deal breaker. You can understand it but you can also understand that they would not be the man for you.

LegacyUser

unreg reg wrote: »

Hi OP,

I can completely relate to where you're coming from. I am in the exact same boat. The only difference is I got the STI while in a loving relationship that ended last year. I was since seeing someone else briefly and it got to the point where we were going to get intimate. I decided at the last minute that I couldn't face telling her or putting her in danger of getting what I have so I made some lame excuses and didn't go through with it. Unfortunately I can't give you any concrete advice as a result. Since that experience I have decided that what's meant to be is meant to be, so when I do meet the next person I really click with I'm just going to face up to it and tell them the story. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. If the person reacted badly then it seems like it wasn't supposed to be. If they couldn't be understanding about the situation you've found yourself in after getting to know you, then you're better off without them in my opinion!

Hi,

Thanks for your reply also. Its a tough situation. Its hard to know what the reaction will be but we will have to take the risk at some time. I agree that if someone doesnt want to be with you because of that then they are not worth being with at all.its also understandable that it might be a deal breaker for some people as they may not be able to deal with it. im sorry to hear that you couldnt face telling her but when you meet someone that you really want to be with and trust it might be easier to tell. Can i ask did you know about it before getting into your previous relationship or did you find out you had caught it during it?

LegacyUser

Hi OP. It's quite a long story but to cut it short, we found out when we were in the relationship. It only had a slight bearing on our relationship but definitely didn't affect it in any serious way. From that experience I've learned that having an STI (HSV2) is only a minor hurdle to what could become a very loving relationship. I'm not a very laddish lad when it comes to sex, as in I'm not into the one night stands and never have been. So it hasn't really been too much of a problem since I got out of the relationship. I'm just planning on being honest with the next person I'm interested in and trusting my own intuition as to when I will tell them (obviously before we have sex!).

I can say with my hand on my heart if a girl I was interested in told me the same thing I would be shocked at first but if I had got to know them and was interested in them it wouldn't keep me away for long!

LegacyUser

unreg reg wrote: »

Hi OP. It's quite a long story but to cut it short, we found out when we were in the relationship. It only had a slight bearing on our relationship but definitely didn't affect it in any serious way. From that experience I've learned that having an STI (HSV2) is only a minor hurdle to what could become a very loving relationship. I'm not a very laddish lad when it comes to sex, as in I'm not into the one night stands and never have been. So it hasn't really been too much of a problem since I got out of the relationship. I'm just planning on being honest with the next person I'm interested in and trusting my own intuition as to when I will tell them (obviously before we have sex!).

I can say with my hand on my heart if a girl I was interested in told me the same thing I would be shocked at first but if I had got to know them and was interested in them it wouldn't keep me away for long!

Hi OP here, thank you for sharing your story with me it helps to read it. When the time is right and the person is right it might be easier to tell. I can say the same as you that it wouldn't keep me away from somebody but hopefully there are more understanding people like us out there.