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Low self esteem I think

  • 10-02-2012 4:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I don't know what I'm really looking for here but I'm not sure I can go on like this anymore. About 6 months ago I got out of a long term relationship where I was emotionally manipulated and cheated on. Once that ended I started seeing someone else but that ended a few months later, he ended it saying we were better suited as friends.

    I haven't contacted either guy since but I think about man no.2 quite a lot. I'm not sure why. At the time I was seeing him I wasn't all that sold on him but now that he has rejected me I can't stop thinking about him.

    From the outside my life looks great... I'm young, successful in my field, intelligent and decent looking (no supermodel but I've been told I'm pretty). I come across as self-confident, happy and funny. I live with good friends who have no idea how down I feel a lot of the time because I'm completely incapable of telling them.

    I have to read/talk/watch tv until the point of exhaustion each evening or else I cry myself to sleep. The same thoughts keep going around in my head that I'm not good enough for anyone, nobody will ever love me, nobody will ever respect me, nobody finds me interesting etc. etc. I tear up at random points in the day when these thoughts come into my head.

    I went to a counsellor for a short while but it wasn't working. He was bizarre and I couldn't take him seriously. I'm afaid I'll feel like this forever I guess.


Comments

  • #2
    James W
    Closed Accounts Posts: 91 ✭✭James W


    Hey lonely, if I could give you a hug I would!

    I'm wondering, from reading your post, why you aren't happy being by youself - why you don't enjoy your own company?

    I think you are looking to these men to address some need which you can only address yourself. At some level it seems that you don't like or approve of yourself, which is why I suspect you went to see a counsellor. Loneliness and pain are the bodies way of telling us that something isn't right.

    Interestingly, you use the term 'rejection' in relation to this guy - this would seem to suggest that you see him as having rejected you because you were defective or not fit for purpose - which, if you think about it logically, is not true. Many people embark on relationships which, for one reason or another, do not work out. When a person cannot move on or get over someone it suggests, to me anyway, that they were depending or relying on the person for something which they can only find within themselves. In other words, without this person, they feel useless and worthless, lonely and miserable. Self worth and self esteem should stand independently of what relationship one is or isn't in - it should be your anchor - you must have your own sense of self irrepective of who you are in a relationship with. If not, you will always be insecure, needy and dependent.

    In my view you should stay single for now and focus on yourself and the real reasons for your inner pain and loneliness. It sounds as if you have so much going for you - so addressing this, yourself, will really stand to you when you get involved with someone again. I think you should probably give counselling another try and perhaps talk to your GP.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the response.

    Sunflower... yeah I have a fairly active social life I go out most weekends and as I said I live with friends so theres always somethin to do midweek. I generally feel fine when I'm out or around people. Its when I get home and can't sleep. If I get any chance for thoughts to creep in then I just feel miserable, with the same things going around and around in there. I was going to look into getting a female counsellor alright but I can't afford it at the moment unfortunately. Thanks.

    James... I guess you're right in that I don't really enjoy my own company. I really enjoy reading and thats the only thing I really do on my own as such. But I guess that can be a form of escapism in itself. I have already decided to take a break from relationships and men until I'm really convinced I'm in the right headspace. I just guess I don't know how to build self-esteem back up again. I've been single for a few months now and I still repeat the same pattern of pretending to be perfectly alright and then crying any time I think of things.

    The reason my name is lonely is not because I crave a relationship at the moment, because I genuinely don't. I guess I'm just lonely because I have literally told nobody how I really feel about this. From the outside I'm the perfect person and coping really well.


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