advice for appointment tomorrow please!

LegacyUser

ok, so i have an appointment with a new councellor tomorrow afternoon, and even though i know it has to be done, i'm also bricking it so need some advice.

i'm going for a few reasons. my depression, body dismorphic disorder not under control again, unhappy in relationship, unhappy with sex life, fears that i might have undiagnosed bi-polar, and a few more issues too, but you get the picture, lol. thing is, will i look completely ridiculous if i list all these out on a piece of paper and bring it with me? i've been through councelling before, but found the councellors weren't good fits for me. they just ended up chatting to me about what went on throughout my week with no inroads into my issues. i went to relationship councelling last year with my oh, but that was a complete disaster too so we stopped as she instead of dealing with him and me, she became quite obsessed with getting me to say things i didn't actually feel, i just said them to appease her.

i want this one to work so want to be as well prepared as i can. will i get funny looks if i write it all down? otherwise when she asks me what the issue is i'm afraid i'll just cry for the hour and not be able to say anything.

Semele

I know how easy it is for sessions to get caught up on one or two issues and for you to end up discussing them to the exclusion of what you wanted to say- doesn't mean its not useful but it can feel frustrating and as though you're not getting to the main issues. I don't think there's any harm in saying to your counsellor that you'd like her to just have an overview of the issues as you see them now in case you find it hard to bring them up later, then you can come back to cover things as and when they come up. I think it can be a good idea in early sessions to explain your previous experience of counselling, what you feel worked and what didn't, and what your hopes and expectations are from this.

Depending on the style of counselling, some therapists may avoid starting very "structured" conversations like this and leave it up to you to lead the discussion, so if you want to begin it in this way then it's up to you.

Also- never be afraid to tell a counsellor that you don't feel something is working, or that their interpretation doesn't feel right to you! I'm not being critical of you at all and there certainly are bad counsellors out there, but if you're not honest in sessions about how you feel then you're giving them less to work with and its not surprising that you leave feeling unsatisfied. It's the one arena where politeness doesn't come into it- don't worry about offending them!

LegacyUser

thanks for the reply.

it's all academic now as she's just texted to say she can't make the appointment today as she's ill and could we reschedule for late next week. i don't feel i can wait that long so am going to see if i can find someone else who'll be able to see me tomorrow. i'm not as risk of doing something harmful to myself, don't worry. just i know myself when i'm heading for a big fall that takes weeks to come back from, and i see the signs.

i see what you're saying about letting them know if something isn't working, but i have a bad experience of that before. the woman who used to just chat to me, i really wasn't getting anything from that and started feeling worse as the weeks went on. asking me how my week went in the first minute of the hour and then letting me talk for the rest of it with intermittent nodding isn't going to get to the root of the issues i have and get me to solve them for myself. i was under a psychiatrist at the time and mentioned to him that, and asked that it be kept in confidence. he said to give it a few more sessions so i did. well next time i went back to her she gave me this huffy childish speech about ''little birdies telling tales on her'' and i was scarred to say the least. after that it was just like she'd lost interest. she stopped asking me how my week was and just let me talk, as we had no structure, i just went in there and cried for an hour a week and eventually gave it up. i can't do that again, i just don't have the money or mental capacity for it.