Will I look needy if I ask where this is going?

LegacyUser

Seeing a guy 2 weeks now. We see eachother maybe 2 - 3 times per week, we contact eachother everyday - he's not a big texted which I've had to adjust too but it has made me feel a little like he might not be very interested.

I asked him before was it more than just casual sex and he said it was - he treats me like a girlfriend - picks me up from nights out - brought me to the garage to collect my car and cooks me dinner in his place etc. But he's so laid back it's unnatural.

We've touched on the subject of ex's and although he's 32, it seems like he's never had a serious relationship...I on the other hand have lived with a guy for a few years so him being insanely busy cycling and hiking and meeting his friends and leading this really full life (which is great by the way) leaves hardly any time for me and if we do spend a night together he ALWAYS has to rush off in the morning which I hate. Seriously, I thought I was busy 'til I met this guy.

I've found myself getting moody with him even though I know he hasn't technically done anything wrong but I want him to clarify what this is and I don't want to waste my time if it's nothing to him - I have no problem walking away if it's not going anywhere but I'm quite nonconfrontational and I don't want to seem needly or like I'm nagging him.

If I suggested feeling like I might be being strung along? Is that mean? I'm terrible at this

LegacyUser

OP HERE - That should have read 2 months......seeing him 2 months, not 2 weeks

Chicago Chick

Op, my BIL was single until he was 34 when he meet his now wife (he is now 38)and was very busy with his own life and set in his ways as you would expect. I don't think age is a big thing anyway as you are better to hold out for the right person than to rush in if it is not right.

I personally would be careful not to come on too strong with him as just because he is busy does not mean he is giving you the brush off. You have to remember this man has not been in a situation where he has had to think of someone elses needs/compromise on his ways (from what you are saying) and so you can not expect him to change over night. Your relationship is still in very early stages and while I am not suggesting that you expect him to give up his hobbies you have to understand that this is the way his life has been and fair play to him for being so active and leading a full life.

I definitely would not suggest you are being strung along (just my opinion) but instead ask him how he feels things are going if you feel you need to know/bring up the subject and maybe arrange a weekend away somewhere for you both so you get to spend some quality time together.

On a side note my husband and I have been together since we were 20(we are 31 now) and until we had our children in the last two years a lot of his spare time was taken up with his various sporting activites. Training maybe 5 nights a week and matches at least one if not both weekend days during the respect soccer, hurling and football seasons so just because he is busy does not mean he doesn't care. You have to make quality time together.

Miss Fluff

frustrated2012 wrote: »

I've found myself getting moody with him even though I know he hasn't technically done anything wrong but I want him to clarify what this is and I don't want to waste my time if it's nothing to him - I have no problem walking away if it's not going anywhere but I'm quite nonconfrontational and I don't want to seem needly or like I'm nagging him.

If I suggested feeling like I might be being strung along? Is that mean? I'm terrible at this

What? :eek: Why on earth would you accuse him of stringing you along?

I honestly don't know what kind of baggage you're carrying around from your relationship experience to date but you seem to be running off in some crazy direction at breakneck speed here.

I hope for your own sake he doesn't get one sniff of this neediness and desperation. I had to read and reread how long you are seeing one another as I couldn't believe it at first. You are seeing him two weeks. That's fourteen days in total. And you want to know where it's going? :eek:

I suggest you take a step back from this and try to relax and use this opportunity to see how YOU feel. Why shoe-horn the man into making a commitment when YOU don't know him all that well either? It's been a matter of days and in your flurry to get the man to make a commitment to you () you've probably lost sight of the fact that you actually need to give some consideration as to how compatible you are in the first place. ou can only doing that by spending more time together and seeing where it leads.

I suggest you take the next while to enjoy your time together and in time it will organically lead where it leads. Of course have that chat further down the line when you have spent more time together but do this after you've gotten to know one another better!

EDIT: Just saw your own edit OP and that you've been going out with him two months rather than two weeks so apologies for coming down hard on you!

If he's never had a serious relationship he may never before have been in the position where a "where is this going chat?" is warranted. Why don't you ask him something as simple and direct as "So am I your girlfriend now then?" You'll soon have your answer.

Don't start playing immature mindgames and accuse him of stringing you along - that would be foolish and could more than likely blow up in your face. Just be straight up with him but approach it in a laid back manner

IrishEyes19

Instead of opening with suggesting you are being strung along, why not tell him, you really like him, he's treated you wonderfully, which you said he has, and ask him is it time to take things up a notch and be exclusive. be constructive not destructive. I often think relationships dont go further or end quickly because one partner is so scared to broach this subject, they start accusing and talking for the other partner saying they dont care............and its a bit shocking for the other partner who thought things were going along swimmingly. he also may want to broach the subject too. Just go in there positive, its the best you can do.

LittleBook

frustrated2012 wrote: »

OP HERE - That should have read 2 months......seeing him 2 months, not 2 weeks

Sorry, but I LOLed

frustrated2012 wrote: »

I've found myself getting moody with him even though I know he hasn't technically done anything wrong but I want him to clarify what this is and I don't want to waste my time if it's nothing to him

This is where the problems start. He can't be expected to know what you want if you don't tell him. Although there is some natural progression to be assumed in a relationship, someone like him who has never been in a serious relationship could be forgiven for having no idea of this.

Talk to him, give him the benefit of the doubt, assume the best ... that he's not stringing you along but you would like some reassurance at the same time that you and he are on the same page.

I think two months is long enough into a relationship to ask in which direction it is going and I don't think it is "needy" to want to know.

Good luck.

LovelyLottie

You're absolutely not 'needy' to want to know if he's happy with you and if he's as into the relationship as you are. My one word of warning though would be to not assume he's going to be an @sshole, just because you may have met a few before

I agree with the poster who said you should approach it in a positive way, tell him (without going ott!) that you like him and you've been having a great time (assuming that's the case), and see if he feels comfortable saying things back. Then give it a few weeks, a month and see if things progress.

I've also freaked out like you in the early stages of relationships, but it's never been with the guys who are open and caring, it's only been with the ones who were a bit of a closed book and held back. I totally understand where you're coming from. You're not needy. You just would like to know that the guy you really like, likes you too.

Best of luck

Starokan

Two months is still very early days so I wouldn't go over the top trying to analyse the relationship. There is no problem in chatting to him about where the relationship is going, if he likes you he will have no problem in talking about that.

Let him know you would like to spend more time with him, again nothing wrong with that and odds on he will be delighted.

From your post it seems to me that you are at the start of a healthy good relationship, accusing him of stringing you along based on what your posting here would be crazy harsh and i cant see it going down well. It just does not seem that he is, he picks you up, cooks you dinner at his place etc etc, how is that stringing you along.

It seems to me that you are experiencing underlying feelings of jealousy here, in that he has other things that occupy his time as well as you, if you don't get that under control it will have a negative impact on this relationship. You will begin to resent his hobbies, his friends etc etc, you already said your beginning to nag him, that won't end well.

Try this, be happy you have met a popular easy going guy, be happy he is not a layabout, be happy he has hobbies/interests, try find a common ground where you can do the same thing together. Embrace his life and incorporate it with your own and he will do the same. Don't become the nagging partner who wants to monopolise all their partner's time, it won't be healthy for either of you. I know your not doing this right now but that's where it will end up if you don't keep an eye on it

I'm sure a simple conversation can resolve this and you will move forward to whats hopefully a happy long future together.

Katy89

op, I understand your concerns and your urge to wanna know where you stand with him.
I think that's very mature and you are looking for your own well being and protecting yourself from a possible disappointment in the long term.

The thing that he's rushing ALWAYS off in the morning doesn't sound too good to me. I would say a guy who's really into somebody and wants to head in the direction of a serious relationship wouldn't do this ALWAYS. It actually should be quite the opposite in these early days.

I defenitely would bring the question up, in a nice relaxed way.

Imo it's completely ok to wanna know this after 2 month, especially if there's 'physical action':) involved.

fungun

Its ok to want to know, but when you ask 'is it needy?' the answer imo is in how you ask.

If you ask 'so am i your girlfriend now?' thats fine to me.
If you say 'i need to know where this is going' its kinda putting a little bit of pressure on.
If you say 'i dont want to be strung along' its a little aggressive, hinting that he might be
If you say 'I deserve more than just friends with benefits' or some such, it begins to sound needy

LovelyLottie

I really don't want to mess with your head as i gather you might be a bit head wrecked already but I do think the fact that you're having to ask yourself whether he's really into you and whether it's going anywhere, is in itself a sign.

Do as all the others said - don't come on too forceful etc. with 'where is this going' and take it gently - but also don't forget what you yourself want from a relationship. It's not all about him! Don't lose sight of how you want to be treated and how you would like to feel in a close relationship with a guy.

If you asking him whether you're a proper item, scares him off then so be it. Then it wasn't right to begin with. It'll hurt, but you'll survive. In the past i've been scared to ask where things were going (and so said nothing, went with the flow, tra la la) and after 6 months found out that it wasn't going anywhere.

I'm sure he is on the same page as you as he sounds keen, but i would just keep in mind what you want from a relationship and how you'd like to be treated. Best of luck

P.S. Also, someone saying 'Yeah you're my girlfriend' can be very easy to say but it's his actions that count. In my opinion, it's how he treats you and how he makes you feel that are most important. If he's making you happy and putting a smile on your face, he doesn't need to make announcements like that.

LegacyUser

Hey OP back

Thanks for the replies, it actually really helped me put some perspective on things - with regard to me "wondering if he's in to me or not" Actually, if I was to just simply listen to my gut instinct.....I know that he is in to me. I think he is as in to me as he would be in to any girl but he's a big fitness person so cycling and running and stuff are part of who he is which I do respect.

For some reason and this has never happened to me before ever - I just can't say things like "So, am I your girlfriend now" even if I plan to say it - words just won't come out -and perhaps I should just relax maybe the words won't come out because things have been moving slowly and it's not the right time.

I'm such a girl, I did get all worked up about this and had planned finishing it in my head - I was just waiting for him to contact me - and when he did contact me, I was so giddy and happy to hear from him I couldn't go there at all.

I think I've always been in fast paced relationships where guys have told me they love me after 2 weeks - those guys didn't turn out to be right for me so maybe I need to just be patient and enjoy his company......weirdly though - I have a feeling he might think I'm his girlfriend if that makes sense? Last night he randomly called over to watch some telly, have a chat & a cuddle - no funny business....I think I just need a chill pill

Thanks to all of you for replying, you've genuinely helped me stop being a madser!

I am a friend

If you are having sex with him then you are entitled to know if you are in an exclusive relationship...